Hull

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Hull's old town.
Welcome to Hull.

Hull, or to give its full name, Hull, is a large town on the Kingston Riviera, famous for its culture, arts, history, cinema and the fact it is the home place of Jesus and Canada. Hull Is the only city in England that is a real live shithole

History[edit]

The city of Hull was founded by William Shakespeare, Edward Elgar and Nicola from Girls Aloud in 1706, as a direct response to Jean Paul Satre's building of Paris. The trio wanted to offer a new, vibrant centre of heritage for layabout art students to visit instead of Luton, which was the "in" place at the time. In recent years Hull has since become the red light heart of all Europe, and regularly appears on the Channel 4 TV Series Eurotrash.


People from Hull's fairly local neghbouring town, Goole, affectionately call its residents 'Codheads' possibly due to Hull's former fishing activity, but more likely because of a chemical spillage at the cocoa mill which resulted in a half-man-half-fish.

The Hull accent is also notoriously irritating, differing considerably from all other Yorkshire accents. Nine is pronounced 'narne' and five is pronounced 'farve'. Hull's council is slightly wasteful and inefficient, and over-friendliness seems to be a curse o'the councillors of 'Ull, wi' Prescott and Colin Inglis comin' in fer allegations of such acts with middle aged women and boys, rispectivly. However the 'Ull locals now have something to be proud abaht, since 'Ull City Football team suffered a double-promoshun, tho this an't manidged t'change the fickle nature of the fans, who after a particularly disappointin' game like to hit the pubs and get too drunk so they destroy any memr'y of th'game they watched.

Landmarks[edit]

Hull is littered with Istorical an' important architecture. The Catherine Tate, the Paul Tait and the Village Fete Galleries are all situated in Hull's Chinatown area; the Louvre made a switch from Paris to Hull's fashionable Bletchinduckworth sector and the Statue of Liberty currently resides in Hull's famous marina. Hull was also the home to the Sistine Chapel, but Pope Benedict XVI insisted that it be moved to Rome because, "Hull is not a place that welcomes Fascism". Beggars reside on most street corners and will happily mug you if you do not provide the necessary coinage to pass.

Hull has a wealth of tourist attractions. These include the world's only underwater prison, the Deep, which holds those backstabbing bastards who have betrayed the Hull Royal Family. The inmates include Jesus, John F. Kennedy, The Teletubbies and Elvis Presley.

Sport[edit]

Hull is home to such fantastic sports team like the New York Yankees, A.C. Milan, the Chicago Bulls, Michael Schumacher, Tiger Woods, Muhammad Ali and all the medal winners from the Olympic Games. Not surprisingly, Hull also has superb sports stadia, including the 1,000,000 all-seater Seabrook Crisps Stadium.

However, inferior to every single one of the teams listed above, Hull City AFC boasts the worst best team to have played football in the history of the game. Some of their greatest players include Nicky Barmby, Stuart Elliott, Chuck Norris and God.

Cinema[edit]

Since their induction in 1900, Hull has produced every Oscar winner bar one (Jennifer Lopez for Gigli), and continually sweeps other budding cinematic cities like Hollywood and Benidorm under the carpet. Presumably this would be a red carpet, to signify Hull's Oscar dominance.

Famous Hulligons[edit]

Famous Visitors[edit]

  • Harry Potter spends most of his free time in Hull, when he is not battling the evil Lord Voldemort and is regularly seen in the shopping centre buying fresh newts, he is usually wearing traditional Hull atire such as tracksuit with the trousers tucked into his sockes.
  • The Queen, it is rumoured that Hull is one of the Queen's favourite holiday destinations and it where she and the Duke Of Edinburgh took their honeymoon.
  • Frodo Baggins, Hull is the actual home of Mordor and Frodo is a complete and utter Chav.

The MP[edit]

Hull's most prominent MP is fitness fanatic and Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, the son of a local businessman who owns a chain of farms. Despite fierce competition from Paula Radcliffe, he set a new world record at the 2006 London Marathon, managing to urinate on the course three times and even squeeze out a sneaky number two outside Buckingham Palace.

He is preparing to step down as the Deputy Prime Minister to concentrate on his hobbies, which include Polo and Mountain Climbing.

The Emperor[edit]

However, John Prescott is vastly outweighed by the Hulligon, John Goodyear, who bought Hull for £2.50 and a cream cake. We all know what sealed the deal there.

He was going to settle for a cream cake and a pie but he thought the other deal was better