Humanato
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The humanato is a mammal of the order pritatomates, like humans. Around 95% of humanato and human DNA sequences are the same, with only the humanato's superior intellect producing a difference.
Contents |
[edit] Biological traits
Humanatoes are like humans in several areas, the most prominent being the way embryos develop into respectively full-fledged humanatoes and full-fledged humans during pregnancy. The humanato embryo follows the same cycle as that of a human embryo. See picture to the right.
[edit] Body composition
As human science has evolved, sophisticated examination methods have appeared. One of those methods have been used to determine what humanatoes consist of. A recent attempt by Ph.D.pota Shou Tucker to discover the truth using state-of-the-art machinery resulted in a surprisingly simple body composition, as seen on the picture to the left.
Tucker explains:
- "In the beginning we didn't really believe what we saw. It was a scientific breakthrough that surprised us a lot. While the general conception of humanatoes has always been that they consist only of potato substance, we actually proved that most of their brains -- if not all of it, we're not completely sure yet -- consist of tomato substance. We are aware that this information is still very fresh, and as a result we're not ready to draw any conclusions yet as to why humanatoes, who have that potato-like look we all love, include tomato substance. All we can do is guess."
As a response to Shou Tucker's comment, world-renowned artist Mike Tyson has expressed the following regarding one of the humanatoes taking place in the experiment:
- "It has no ears!"
Subsequently several other prominent (and not so prominent) artists have also noticed various stuff:
“It got no eyes!”
~ gangsta artist on da potato-thingy
“It appears to have no mouth.”
~ Sherlock Holmes on the astoundingly human-like lifeform slightly resembling that of a potato
“Es hat no blond hair! Es ist ein Jew! ZUM KONZENTRATIONSLAGER!”
~ Adolf Hitler on der gefährlich und evil potato-Jude
“I see not a nose.”
These comments have gained wide acceptance by the public.
[edit] History
Humanatoes only recently appeared on Earth. Originally living in another galaxy a long time ago, humanatoes have always been smart. As a matter of fact, what most people (aka the ignorant masses) believe are invented by humans, are in fact invented by humanatoes. Such inventions include, but are not limited to:
- Math (though humans changed Po, as defined by the humanatoes, to Pi)
- Uncyclopedia (there is a reason why the Uncyclopedia logo is a potato)
- Wikipedia (poor replica of Uncyclopedia, plans to take site down soon)
Always hiding in the dark, humanatoes were not discovered until 23 January 2009, where they went to a dvd-rental to see if it was possible to rent the second season of Blackadder, as they had heard that the name of the third episode in that specific season was "Potato". The dvd-rental owner fainted from seeing the potato-like creature. The humanato in question was caught on CCTV, producing a ruckus the next day on the local police station. Various news stations soon found out about the breaking news, and within a short amount of time most of the world were aware of the at that time very mysterious "humanoid potatoes", as the police had named them at that point.
It was then that the humanato clan decided to come out of hiding. They planned a world meeting with the world. It was to be held on 1 February.
Picture taken with a CNN news helicopter.
At the meeting quite a few powerful people appeared. Barack Obama, having just been inaugurated, felt that he needed to show up on this day of destiny. Bill Gates also appeared, hoping to patent the humanatoes and use them in an anti-piracy ad. Hasbro's chief-boss executive-and-all-powerful officer-general Brian Goldner made an appearance too, probably hoping to buy the rights to make the humanatoes into toys that could be sold as an update of Mr. Potato Head.
As humanatoes are unable to speak nor do a very good impression, nothing big happened at the meeting.
“Nothing big happened at the meeting”
~ Hasbro's chief-boss executive-and-all-powerful officer-general Brian Goldner on the meeting
“make_something_happen()”
~ Bill Gates on If nothing_happens() Then make_something_happen() End If
“Yes, we can not understand why nothing happened. It did not bring change to the world. Let's hope something changes!”
~ Barack Obama on the situation in general
Greengrocers did not like the general situation, as several people stopped eating potatoes.
[edit] Humanatoes in popular culture
Though having been known only for a short amount of time, humans have already started using humanatoes as objects in artistic works.
[edit] Humanatoes in The Muppetshow
In an update of the classic show, a humanato now appears together with the two grumpy old men on the balcony. Walt Disney, who has been the copyright holder on the Muppet Show and its characters since 2004, states that the humanato brand has already reached a critical level, and that it would be stupid for Walt Disney to miss this chance.
Head chief-boss of the Walt Disney Muppet Division explains:
- "You see, understanding what's best for one's company is a must. We here at the Walt Disney Muppet Division understands that when a viewer wants something, we must give that something to the viewer. Pleasing the viewer is our job! Screw Bambi, Pinocchio, Hannah Montana, Snowwhite and the Lion King. The viewers want HUMANATOES! AND WE GIVE THEM THAT!"
The Jim Henson Company states that it regrets selling the rights to the Muppet Show to Walt Disney.
[edit] Humanatoes in Final Fantasy VII
For the past few years, Square-Enix (formerly Squaresoft) has worked on a remake of Final Fantasy VII, the so-called "second-greatest RPG of all time"[1] (with Chrono Trigger apparently being the best[2]). As development of FF7v2 progressed, people working on the game noticed that it missed something -- something revolutionary. And that's where Dude, the newly thought up character, came into place. The Engrish division of Square-Enix has stated that "the appealoance of a hujumanatoo wile helpu Skuvare-Enixe's imaruge", and with that aid in the fight against racism.
The remake will be out on March 16 2010.
[edit] Other appearances
- The Daily Show (discussing humanatoes' future in comedy)
- CNN (debating whether humanatoes should have the right to vote)
- The Healthy food programme (talking people out of eating potatoes)
[edit] Ethnic conflicts
At the the great meeting in February, most people wondered why only white (or yellow, as some remarked) humanatoes were present[3]. As it turns out, coloured humanatoes are heavily discriminated by white (or yellow, as some remark) humanatoes. This discriminatory practice has apparently been around for quite some time, with segregation in both humanato kindergartens, humanato schools, humanato high schools, humanato colleges, humanato universities, humanato buses, the uses of humanato benches, the uses of humanato television sets, the uses of humanato mountain paths and the uses of humanato paper factories. Also educational centres.
[edit] Religion
Most people think that humanatoes are believers of the potism religion. That is, however, false. Humanatoes are agnostics who believe that a red deity floating above them exists on a daily basis. This is contrary to the belief that most human agnostics share. As a result, protests against what is generally called a "misuse of word" has arisen all over the world. Famous human agnostic Gordon Brown lead a march in March 2009 for the regaining of the original meaning of the word "agnostic". Marching all the way from Glasgow to London, Brown hoped to achieve a world in which words regarding religion were correctly used.
Arriving at the Speaker's Corner in London after a week-long march, Brown held a speech:
- "So I say to you that even though we must face the difficulties of today and tomorow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the British dream, that one day this nation will rise up and find out the true meaning of its creed -- "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the North with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this fate we will be able to transfrom the jangling discords of our nation into a beautitul symphony of brotherhood. Whit this faith we wil be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle togetber... knowing that we will be free one day.
And if the United Kingdom is to be a great nation, this must become true."
Nevertheless, humanatoes still call themselves agnostics. Though they are unable to talk.
[edit] Common misconceptions
Occasionally people think of stuff that they believe to be true. But it isn't. It never is.[4]
 NOT potato! |
 NOT tomato! |
 NOT Pi! |
[edit] Naming issues
As stated in this article, humanatoes were originally called "humanoid potatoes". It is unknown who created the humanato abbreviation, but the renaming has been generally well received.
“Hum4n470!”
~ 1337 p3r50n on 7h47
“We raiku humto”
~ Japanese person on further abbreviating
However, some have found the name to be too short:
“Why not "intergalactic interplanetary techxyphonetistic humanoxyon potatismus"?”
[edit] Etymology
Humanato as a word is both a noun, a verb and an adjective.
[edit] As a noun
humanato (pl. humanatoes)
- The creature
- The white humanatoes beat up the blue humanato.
[edit] As a verb
to humanatoe (third-person singular simple present humanatoes, present participle humanatoeing, simple past humanatoed, past participle humanato)
- The act of having fun
- The beach guru was humanatoeing.
- The act of protesting against eating potatoes
- Dietists humanatoe.
- Throwing up
- The grue humanatoes.
[edit] As an adjective
humanato (comparative humanatoer, superlative humanatoest)
- Of special value
- The toilet/WC/lavatory/restroom is humanato.
- Of random value
- The left box is humanatoer in comparison with the LCD screen.
- Of crucial value
- The spaceship is humanatoest!
