Hungarian

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Learn at your own risk.

“Do not worry I am no longer infected. Drop your panties sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime... My nipples explode with delight!”

~ Hungarian in English

“Fight the Fucking Huns and Mongol Hordes!”

~ American soldiers in World War I

“Untermenschen!”

~ Adolf Hitler on The Austrian-Hungarian Nazi German Fuhrer in WWII
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Hungarian.

The Hungarian language (written in classical Hungarian notation) is an Oogry-Moogric language spoken by very hungry people on the floodplains of European Aborigines and in adjacent areas of Romania, Slovakia, Ukraine, Serbia, Croatia, Austria, The Roman Empire, and Slovenia (all these territories were lost in the backyard after World War I). The Hungarian name for the language is Magyar. If you ask the Hungarians, they say that the word Magyar comes from the Latin word Super which means The Best in the Whole Universe, so the Hungarian language could be translated as The Best in the whole Universe' language. In reality however, it is Finno-Ugric and translates to 'Angry Stubborn Cunt'. The Hungarian language is one of the most difficult language, with a vocabulary of approximately seven billion different words. On account of the language being so incredibly difficult the Hungarians have developed excessively large brains.

There are about 0,5 billion speakers, of whom 0,4999999 billion live in Hungary. No one in the Balkans likes them either way. In fact, nobody in the world, except maybe themselves like themselves. Go kill yourself if you're Hungarian and do the whole world a favour. Please, we're begging you.

It is expected that all 0,5 billion speakers will die out, the same way that Romans did, as nobody is able to get a handle on 65 grammatical cases of the Hungarian language. In spite of the 65 cases, these superior-beings are well known for their stubbornness, so they could also stubborn their way out of death.

Hungarian enjoys international acclaim for its gratuitous overuse of z's, most spectacularly manifested in its creative spelling of the Old Hungarian word "szeksz" (today found mainly in place names; see further "The Taboo Phenomenon"). An average Hungarian greeting, conversation and farewell is like speaking to someone with Tourette's Syndrome.


The Magyars, the original Hungarians, arrived in Europe in 900AD. . For this reason they were not well-liked by their neighbours, and indeed the Emperor of Germany had to raise an army of some 150,000 people so that the Magyars might be enclosed by a human wall. The 'human wall' was deconstructed or abolished in 1974.

Hungarians are exceptionally good at football, chess, mathematics, equestrianism, shouting and raping. They are extremely unfriendly.

The relation to Finnish can be illustrated with these examples:

  • Finnish Silmässäni on paskaa — Hungarian Szar van a szememben "There's shit in my eye"
  • Finnish Te olette puupää — Hungarian Te balfasz "You are stupid"
  • Finnish Egnayonemteolettepuppaaao'passkaturnemsilmassanionteolettenorwremtatecke — Hungarian Megég approx. "Upon reaching your palace I was repulsed to discover that you had not polished your ceiling"

There is a strong relation between Italian (hung. digó) and Hungarian, even their flags are are very similar. Interestingly, the Hungarian flag predates the Italian. Here are three examples:

  • Italian Cacca di rigogolo — Hungarian Rigókaka "Bird entrails baked in shit"
  • Italian Tetto di casa — Hungarian Háztető "Roof"
  • Italian Chi é al volante? — Hungarian Ki van a volánnál? "Who is at the steering wheel?"