Hygiene

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Not such a bad bunch of guys...

Hygiene is the act of genocide on a microscopic scale. Millions upon millions of innocent germs are murdered each day due to people's unfortunate reliance on antiquated concepts of hygienics. It is generally accepted that germs are Jewish, although a vast majority are homosexual and some are Gypsies. As a practitioner of hygiene, you my friend are Hitler. Congratulations!

Etymology[edit]

The word hygiene comes from the Greek Hios Genios (Αί Γαμισου) or "Hi, Gene!" This was the salutation that Mercury, the God of Medicine, used to give to his pal Mikele Gene Kelso when he sees him, as Ashton was godly in his own way. Gene disliked shaking hands with Mercury because he had sweaty hands. When Mercury would force himself upon him, Gene would immediately seek to wash his own hands in a lavatory, hence the birth of hygiene. Indeed, the homosexual aspect of the nature of hygiene is overlooked by many modern scholars.

In the Middle Ages, the concept of hygiene took a turn for the worse as the technology for annihilating germs grew increasingly more sophisticated. Leeches, mites, torches, Oscar Wilde,battering rams and catapults were employed by medieval doctors and phamaceutical companies.

Origins[edit]

Stories of hygiene in the old world are scarce, mostly all ancient skeletons we find underground are very dirty showing a clear lack of hygiene. some civilizations however discovered some ways of cleaning themselves.

Conspiracy[edit]

Some people believe that hygiene is actually focused herpes coming from the worst place on earth,East Texas. More formally know as hell. As the high concentration of VD raises so does hygiene everywhere else cause little particles of VD shoot straight up into the atmos and sprinkle across the globe and its only effective enough to get inside your pores. Jacksonville Texas is one of the worst places cause there are so many jews. except one person who is not a jew because he is a yankee. His name also happens to be Kelso.

The Egyptians[edit]

Pharaoh-time Egypt had developed a system for cleaning the pharaoh and his family but the system was quickly refused and the inventor was killed because the Pharaoh realized that after he had taken his first shower and went out for a walk through the city people around him didn't fall gracefully to the ground as they used to.

The Mayans[edit]

Before the Mayans invented advanced calculations and video games they had few methods for having fun and passing the time so they used to play with the poorest folks in the cities by throwing them in a pool of water and laugh at them when they come out.

The French[edit]

The French still haven't discovered hygiene, if you know a French person redirect him to this article.

The Arabs[edit]

Most Arabs don't need hygiene because of the ingenious design of their dress-like clothing which allows aeration of the sweaty parts of their bodies, a story states that Saladin wanted to have a bath once but didn't find any water around anyway so he just dropped the whole idea.

The Persians[edit]

When Marco Polo passed by Persia to reach China he noticed that Persians were always clean and didn't smell like Arabs, due to the fact Arabs had no access to water and had very poor hygiene.

The English[edit]

Those folks never needed to worry about washing, it rains permanently over their heads anyway.

History[edit]

Could a bad guy dance like this?

When Louis Pasteur discovered the microscope in 1666, people realized that countless colonies of "germs" inhabited every square centimeter of the exposed surfaces of their bodies. Learning that the psychos had been right all along, everybody freaked out. The Great and Universal Freak out of 1666 caused the instant collapse of every civilization known to man.

With no choice but to save the universe, Roddenberry chose to incinerate himself for the cause of hygiene and have a space ship scatter his ashes in orbit. The huge amounts of ammonia that Roddenberry drank in his life now came into play, and a quiet, calm ammonia snow fell over all the world.

Now, in the cold and dark of space, he waits for Mercury to leave the Earth, someday in the future, so that he his followers with him, into a land with no hygiene at all.



                      It is believed he may have looked like this:http://s3.amazonaws.com/readers/2009/06/10/39248120512d5963372o_1.jpg

Current status[edit]

At the present time clean people are everywhere except in some remote areas like Paris where people are still living in the stone age and didn't discover hygiene yet. Governments are playing an important part in pushing people to shower mainly by providing water to the residents, an average person would look at the water coming and wonder "What would I do with that?" he drinks some then realizes that he could just poor some over his head, this method has been of uttermost effectiveness especially in the US where people have started washing themselves and their pets, it's very common in more US to see cats, dogs and ants being washed for a better hygiene.