Hyper Value

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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Hyper Value.

Hyper Value is a now legendary luxury goods store, based in the Welsh Valleys of Mars. It started off selling only luxury foods such as hen scrotum and protozoa ears and noses, in its flagship store on the dark side of the Sun, on New Years Day 412BC, where it was opened by God's deputy, Aleister Crowley.

One year later, the store started selling non food luxuries such as potato polish and nappies for baby computer mice. In 42AD, stores were opened, simultaneously, in every major Welsh town and city, even one in the wastelands known as Cardiff.

Unfortunately, no one spotted that the Cardiff store was devoid of any products to buy, until four years after it opened, and a middle manager was told to investigate why there was a surprising turnover of staff. Upon investigating, he discovered that every person who worked in the shop was sold to a local glue factory for the incredibly low price of fourteen shillings and ninepence. When his bosses were told of the situation, the bosses at head office told him that the situation was ridiculous, and that they were worth at least two pounds each, or four for three pounds.

In 1984, the company went in to administration, and was forced to sell its middle managers to their arch rivals Poundstretcher as fertiliser for their Womble farms. Two years later, they re-opened under the new name of Hyper-Value, selling nothing but bottled Felicity Kendall and Gareth Hunt, in their much smaller store in Gendros, in Swansea.

Welshness[edit]

Ranging from "a sligh' occurance" to excessive, many Welsh are as proud of Hyper Value as they are proud of their sheep-offspring and unpronounceable language. There are even calls for the introduction of a new national anthem, centred around Hyper Value.


English Here we stand merry Welshmen, Tall and proud and free, For we have freedom again, From the supermarkets of Englandee

Hyper Value Hyper Value, Redder than the draag'n, Hyper Value Hyper Value For me milk and veg be saag'n


Welsh(probably) ma safwn 'n arab Brythoniaid, Tall a 'n benuchel a rhyddha, For cawn rhyddid ail, From 'r archfarchnadoedd chan Englandee,

Hyper Brisio Hyper Brisio, Redder na 'r ddraig, Hyper Brisio Hyper Brisio, For 'm godra a veg bod sagging