Hypnotism
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“Man, we're talkin' 'bout hypnotism. I mean, hypnotism, man...not the game, not the game, but hypnotism. C'mon, we're talkin' 'bout hypnotism, man.”
Hypnotism is a mind control device used mainly by Jews and gypsies for the purpose of forcing innocent church-going Republicans to do their bidding. It has been used for thousands of years to destroy different means of society all over Earth, as well as on Mars.
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[edit] A Brief History of Hypnotism
It is believed, but has never been proven, that hypnotism was invented circa 2000 B.C., when the ancient Hebrews, led by their malicious, baby-eating dictator, Moses, hypnotized God into inflicting the obviously blameless Egyptians with ten plagues, each more insulting and cruel than the previous one. They are listed here:
- The blood of every Egyptian man (seeing as women don't have blood because they're not human) was temporarily turned into riverwater.
- It rained French people. This didn't cause harm as much as it was just really annoying to have a bunch of French people walking around asking if someone could please pass the Grey Poupon and getting arrogant with anyone who speak any other language than French, or even French with an accent.
- Everyone got cooties! Ewww! This caused mass disruption because the three days following consisted of nothing more than everyone running around trying to avoid touching each other, which would spread the cooties faster.
- Every member from the cast of the movie, "Animal House" was released (via a time machine) into ancient Egypt. This would've been harmless, but as soon as Pharaoh Ramrod caught sight of John Belushi in a toga, he naturally assumed that overweight Romans had come to devour his people. The country was under a strict lockdown until a television was thrown out of the window of a hut as a gesture of peace by Belushi.
- The cattle of Egypt were forced to listen to Nickelback, which effectively caused them to die. This disruption resulted in a season of low beef production, and without beef jerky, the Egyptians were helpless.
- Every Egyptian was boiled in a large vat of water, roughly the size of Rhode Island. This left the Egyptian people quite pruney, and caused them to never look at raisins the same way again.
- Golfballs the size of hailstones fell from the sky, mixed with fire. Earth and wind were not present, however.
- A multitude of grasshoppers joined together to form "Locustron," a giant killer robot that came with three different outfits and twelve different fashion accessories. This may sound kind of fruity, but believe me, if there's a 50 foot killer robot made out of locusts in your backyard carrying bricks in its purse...you better watch out.
- The penultimate plague consisted of the rock group Gwar playing a concert in the middle of ancient Cairo. The Egyptian concert-goers were mercilessly nailed to the stage and slaughtered to appease the World Maggot.
- Ok, this was the big one. Every Egyptian first born child was turned into a pyramid. That's how they all got there.
After the last plague, Moses hypnotized Pharaoh Ramrod into letting his people go. Following this, he hypnotized Poseidon to open up the Redcoat Sea, which had been guarded by British soldiers until Moses hypnotized them into conquering India. With that, Moses and the Hebrews passed over the exposed seabed to reach Israel. This caused the creation of the celebration of Passover, to honor the ancient Hebrews for walking across.
Hypnotism disappeared for many years, but returned in the late 1930's, when the Jews of Germany hypnotized Adolph Hitler into killing six million of their people, as well as the gay and handicapped, who had been plotting to take over Germany for years.
[edit] Methods of Hypnotism
- The Watch Method-This method of hypnotism consists of taking a pocketwatch, (usually gold or silver plated, because the Jews love precious metals) and strangling the subject until they do what you say.
- The Spook Method-This consists of putting on a ghost mask and a sheet, and jumping out of a closet at the victim until they do what you say.
- The Ball-Shake Method-Recently popularised on Youtube. First, offer your hand for a handshake, and as they accept, take their hand with your left hand, and place the subject's hand on the crotch area. The resulting shake will cause instant suggestibility, as well as some perplexed looks.
[edit] Examples of Hypnotic Suggestions
There are an endless number of ideas for hypnotic suggestions, which can persuade your subjects to do anything within reason. An example of these follow:
When I say the word "milk", you will think you are a cow, and need milking.
When I say the word "pirate", you will think your DVD collection is a frisbee set, and you'll want to throw them out of the window.
When I say the word "mummy", you will grab some toilet tissue, wrap it around yourself, then go outside and scare next door neighbor's cat.
When I say "bananas", you will think you are a space monkey with a penchant for fruit, and you'll insist that you be taken to the king of the potato people for further instructions.
When I say "orange cheese", you will go outside, take a taxi to your nearest train station, travel to the airport, take a plane to Paris, buy some orange cheese, and travel back, along with some crispy fries and some Pringles.
When I say "peace", you will feel an overwhelming urge to win the nobel peace prize, with the assistance of the lab bunnies, who were liberated from their lab experiments by the Mongolian Samuarai Squad, to create a giant robonaut woman, with breast extensions, and have her mass produced, so that all the men on the planet will no loger feel the need to fight wars, as they will be too distracted. When they are produced, you will give me a share of the profits, as well as a bunny and a couple of robonaut women, who will be called Betty and Clarissa.
When i say the word "chicken", you will run into the middle of public and dance like a chicken
These suggestions should be used carefully, or they will drive your mummy bananas. These are first pirate scripts, and will definitely give you a peace of the action. Milk
