I'm a Gods Damned Tree, You Stupid Mamma Jamma! (band)
“I remember that band. I got my first pants full of crap by listening to their songs. I think it made me partially blind, too.”
“What? I can't hear you! There's blood in my ears!”
“My eyes imploded, forming neutron stars, whilst my brain deflated into the size of a small cave-dwelling mammal. Then, the involuntary fits of rage sent me robbing stores with a very pointy stick. The horror! The horror!”
“We've been exploring the applications of their music as a bioterrorism weapon.”
|I'm a Gods Damned Tree, You Stupid Mamma Jamma!|
|Origins||Yellowstone National Park|
|Members||Tree McTree (1976-2006), Triuv Nutz (1976-1995), Dham Sqwerls (1976-2006), Breykdis Limmb (1996-2006)|
'I'm a Gods Damned Tree, You Stupid Mamma Jamma! was a band formed in Yellowstone National Park by lead member, Tree McTree. The music was heavily influenced by the minimalistic and ambient genres and most tracks featured a strong layer of background noise. The few fans left after the fall of the band (1976-2006) have frequently requested a reunion concert, but the last manager of GoDaTree has denied any rumours of such an event. It was initially a popular band, but it was soon found out to be an orchestrated hoax. Regardless, many fans of GoDaTree still enjoy the soothing music left behind after GoDaTree's demise in 2006 due to a publicized scandal.
1976: Formation of the Band
GoDaTree was formed by Tree McTree in 1976 with his two best friends at the time, Triuv Nutz and Dham Sqwerls. Despite all being afflicted with a paralyzation that did not allow any of them to move at all, the band's manager, Scammer Jewstein, heard them practicing in a local park and signed them immediately to his label, Whatchutalkinboutwillis Records. Their first album was a relatively unknown vinyl entitled "This is Spinal Tap" and contained 142 tracks. Despite the low PR for the album, most critics hailed it as a progressive masterpiece and literally demanded more.
With the release of their second album, "Sunkist is Not Made of Dead Babies, But I Eat Them Anyway", in 1979, the public was finally overwhelmed with the unique sound of GoDaTree. Tree McTree held many interviews at his residence following the successful album, and caused much hype for the next album which was slated for late 1980.
1981: "GoDaTree Forever"
GoDaTree's third album, "GoDaTree Forever", was released delayed in early 1981, unlike many other projects that contain "Forever" in the title. Contrary to the previous two albums, Forever did not captivate the populace with such a rigorous fervor.
“It was the same old crap. You realize it was just Scammer sitting out at Yellowstone with a microphone, recording ambient noise, right?”
Regardless of the failed album, GoDaTree did not give up and gave more time to their fourth release in 1984, "Where My Hoes At? They Was over Here, Now Dey over There!".
1984: GoDaTree Becomes Played Out
With the release of the fourth album, it became quite clear that GoDaTree was a hoax, but some believed that the first album was the original recordings of Tree McTree. Many petitions were signed to "get Tree McTree back". Scammer Jewstein promised to stop rushing and faking new albums. This left many fans satisfied, but turned most of the former fans away from the music, feeling that it was "just an old man with a microphone in a park".
1990: Didn't That Used to Be a Band?
The fifth album of GoDaTree was the longest to be produced, taking six years to put into production. By the time it arrived to music stores, GoDaTree largely remained a memory, making the comeback much easier for old fans. GoDaTree's music was heavily featured in many of the commercials and movies of the day and enjoyed great success with Scammer Jewstein at the helm.
1991: The New Director
On September 26th, 1991, Scammer Jewstein sold GoDaTree to a relatively new manager, Scatface Williams. Once Scatface gained control of GoDaTree, many fans protested, striking allegiance with the old manager that had recovered GoDaTree from the grave.
“After GoDaTree's "Forever", I thought I would never hear their unique sound on my radio again, but then the fans allowed Scammer to give himself more time to create the releases, and it brought GoDaTree back!”
However, Scatface promised to the fans that he would preserve their sound, albeit with improvements that he felt the new ages needed.
1993: "Barbeques and Forest Fires"
1993 brought the most influential album from GoDaTree to date, making Scatface the accepted manager of GoDaTree's fame.
“The previous albums were the sounds of a lake, or a street, or a pond, but BaFF changed up the tired formula with tracks like "Highway and Subway" which starts out as the sounds of a highway, and then a subway! It blew the innards out of my fragile mind!”
“It sucked, like all their other crap.”
1995: Death of Triuv Nutz
In 1995, fans of GoDaTree were shocked when Triuv Nutz was killed. The press release stated:
“Triuv Nutz was found cut directly in half at his residence. The remains of his body were never found, and no methods could be used to identify the killer.”
“I got your Nutz right here! See this coffee table!?”
“I had to! They told me they'd turn me into a horcrux if I didn't! Then Harry Potter would've had to cut me with a haggard old butterknife!”
Regardless of the tragic event, Scatface Williams promised to have an album out as soon as possible to release Nutz's last works.
1996: "In Memoriam: Triuv Nutz 1843-1995"
1996 released the compilation album dedicated to Triuv Nutz. It was the fastest selling album produced by GoDaTree ever, and continues to be the best seller ever done in the ambient genre.
“My stuff kicked Tree McTree's arse, but no one wants to listen to an alive person's crap, innit?”
After getting over the death of Triuv Nutz, GoDaTree recruited the lesser known Breykdis Limmb.
1998: "Breykin' Outta Yellowstone"
After incorporating Breykdis Limmb into the band, Scatface desperately tried to keep the continuity of the band seamless. Most fans say they can tell the difference in the 1996 to 1998 break, however.
“1996 was more mellow, but 1998 felt angry with Breykdis joining. Most of the tracks felt hostile to me.”
“It was 30 fucking tracks of a car engine revving! He could have, at least, tried!”
2000 - 2006: The Demise of GoDaTree
2000 brought the last album of GoDaTree, "Pesticide is Hitler in Aerosol Form". It was generally well received, but the following years would eventually break up the band and bankrupt the band's manager, Scatface Williams.
In 2001, a small town newspaper in Quahog, Rhode Island, leaked photos of Scatface recording the next album, which would have been titled, "If a Mouse is in a Brown Paper Bag, the Bag Can Still Be Popped", according to Scatface. The photos revealed what anti-GoDaTreeians had been saying all along:
“Gods damn it! It's Scatface with a damn recorder doing absolutely nothing!!!”
After attention had been brought to it, using the rise of the Internet, newspapers around the globe resounded with the news and publicly called for Scatface and original manager, Scammer Jewstein, to come clean and cease production of records. The news eventually brought a court case in the Supreme Court (Jewstein vs America) in 2001. The case was dragged out until 2005, when the band was sentenced to officially "disband" and relinquish their last profits. Property was completely repossessed in 2006, which marked the official end to GoDaTree.
2007: The Wake of GoDaTree
Following the disbandment, both Scammer and Scatface lost their jobs and all their money; becoming hoboes. The three trees (and stump of former band member, Triuv Nutz) remain at Yellowstone National Park, accompanied by a stereo playing selected tracks from "In Memoriam: Triuv Nutz 1843-1995" and "Barbeques and Forest Fires".