International Baccalaureate

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The subjugation of some Quebec IB students extends itself up to their graduation party, time of their illusional release from Satan's sign.
I.B. student working on a project
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International Baccalaureate (a.k.a. IB, Idiot's Baccalaureate, @*#&@#^^$,It's BS International Bullshit, Where Smart Kids Go to Die, It's Bollocks or more simply, Hell) is a two-year program of internationally recognized education edumacation (look -- it's mytacism -- I'm edumacated) for students aged eleven to nineteen. As an internationally recognized program, this is the definitive ticket to Failure any university around the world (apart from countries that do not give a crap offer the program in state schools because they don't hate children, e.g. China or Russia or Bosnia and Herzegovina). Furthermore, it requires you to dedicate your life and soul to the evil gods of the IB, also known as the IBO, who live in Buenos Aires/Geneva/Cardiff/Paris/London/Hell/God knows where, and who delight in devising revisions to the syllabus that will make it impossible to pass. All IB classes come with a warning sticker attached. Don't blame us if you weren't shown it. It generally reads: WARNING. IB class. Prepare to lick your teachers' assholes dry for a predicted seven, share a bed with your laptop and calculator, worship your textbook and invest large amounts of money in bribes. There is a possibility that you will learn something, but this will be covered with so much bullshit that you will never remember any of it. Ever.

MYP vs. DP[edit]

The DP, or Diploma Program, is what most students know as IB. However, if your parents really, really hate you, you will likely be put through the MYP, or Middle Years Program. The MYP is for students aged eleven to sixteen, and takes place from 6th to 10th grade. The MYP prepares you very well for the DP; however, in doing so, it also leads to hitting your emo phase a couple years early and having nervous breakdowns well after your bedtime. If you meet a child under the age of fifteen who displays any of the following traits, they are most likely an MYP student:

  • Caffeine addiction
  • Remarks about self-hatred or suicide to a frequency that walks the line between 'edgy humor' and 'cry for help'
  • Participation in extracurricular activities the student has shown no interest in before
  • If questioned about the previous item, the only explanation offered is "CAS"
  • The cynicism, nihilism, and apathy of a jaded middle-aged alcoholic

The IB Mission Statement (Who Actually Cares?)[edit]

Prepare For Trouble! Make it double! To protect the world from devastation, To unite all peoples within our nation, To denounce the evils of truth and love, To extend our reach to the stars above, International... Baccalaureate! I.B, blast off at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight fight fight! Meowth, a 5's all you get, that’s all right! I.B... IB screwed (Looks like IB's blasting off again!!! ; it would say that if you defeated it.)

Highlights of the International Baccalaureate Programme[edit]

The best part of this esteemed educational institution organization is that regurgitation is not only discouraged, but downright rude in an IB classroom! Instead, we require you to paraphrase.

To help break down the International Baccalaureate curriculum and give you an adequate review of its educational value, we have constructed a table for those with a scrutinizing eye.

Programme Offering Creator Bullshit Meter Masochist Meter Percentage Chance of Suicide Before Completion Overall Rating
Creativity, Action,
and Service
Children As Suckups
Esteemed philanthropist Bill Clinton has this to say about his creation, "by requiring students to do community service hours we effectively ensure our excellent and stable economy is fueled by slavery. Plus, lazy students can once again pay themselves out of a shitty situation, and open themselves up to the delicious world of blackmail and extortion. It's a win-win for both me and Monica Lewinsky." President Barack Obama cites CAS as a "blueprint" to becoming a successful community organizer. 91.2% 23% 45% a TWO out of SEVEN.
Internal Assessment Charlie Brown claims he saved 5 cents by writing a reflection paper upon the futility of his achievements. 23.3% 56% 55% a TWO out of SEVEN.
Secondary Language Course (mandatory for both years) Arnold Schwarzenegger, accredited with stating this when asked about the program by a terrified International Baccalaureate student, "Once you're in a trap, you're in a trap, bitches". 77.3% 95% 65% a FOUR out of SEVEN.
Theory of Knowledge Course Joseph "Big Poppa" Stalin 94.2% 43% 75% a FIVE out of SEVEN.
Extended Essay George W. Bush, the original mastermind behind Bullshit, a historical epic about lies and deceit. 98.4% 88% OVER 9,000% a SEVEN out of SEVEN, bitch

IB Conspiracy Theories[edit]

In the past, it was theorized that the IB was first created by the Gestapo as a brainwashing technique to train super soldiers in order to attack the Allied Forces through Cuba.

Modern conspiracy theorists, however, are convinced that the concept of the IB was created as a cage for individuals who may grow up to be elements of social instability.

IB Coordinator (right) attempting to lure new recruits (left) into the system.

The system lures said individuals with a little beam of light, and then traps them within the eternal darkness of ToK's paradoxical spirals.

Later evidence suggests that the IB was created to provide fleshy ammunition to Wikipedia in its war with Uncyclopedia.

However, the attempt proved to be unfruitful. Long oppressed by the IBO's inhumane training, students merely turned to Uncyclopedia for an entertaining method of procrastination. Most of these students became Uncyclopedians and fought against the latter's copy cat: Wikipedia.

It is also believed that the IB was actually a part of the Geneva Peace Accords. Winston Churchill felt that he needed to punish the Germans for trying to conquer the world, and so he made Britain's best scientists develop a course which was made in such a way that after prolonged exposure, one would immediately commit suicide. Winston Churchill felt that in this way he could repay the Germans for the Holocaust. As we saw through history, Hitler did take IB and eventually committed suicide. Other historians blame the French, who figured since they hadn't won the war, they could win the peace.

Additionally, there have been recent allegations that IB is a front company for environmental agencies and lobby groups. Sources claim that the copious amounts of paper (and thus the millions of trees cut down) required for IB paperwork and assignments will ensure that environmentalists have steady jobs for years to come.

Currently, the IB program is implementing the Nerdification Operation, in which IB students have been infiltrating all high school and university organizations in order to assert total dominance over the world. The Operation, officially known as "CAS hours", was reportedly blasted by people who actually have lives as "useless bullshit that forces IB nerds to do something other than have sex with their graphing calculators".

There are also rumors of a control group somewhere in the IB....

Creativity, Action, and Service (CAS)[edit]

Aside from the zombie-state inducing hours of coursework, it has also been decided that each IB student must show "growth" and "continuing improvement" via slave labour Creativity, Action and Service.

An example of this would be to help people who are nearly dead perform everyday routines, e.g. helping them to open jam jar because they are twisting the cap clockwise. This is the 'Service' part of CAS. Students generally apply ToK in CAS by arguing with themselves that by giving money to the poor, they are actually helping them and thus deserve CAS hours. Be aware that Service does not equal Servitude.

As an all encompassing education program, IB students are expected to be not morbidly obese, unlike Americans physically healthy members of society. They are expected to achieve this through 'Action', whatever that means. Though the meaning is vague, past student indicated that finger and thumb exercises through action-genre video-games are not included in this. However, Wii Sports is A-OK!

The last requirement of a successful member of society, as defined by the IB program, is the total inability to do school work by yourself and finding ways to copy off others. However, if thou shouldst get caught, thou shalt be condemned to writing creative/corny quillets in the Shakespearean tongue. This is the 'Creativity' part of CAS.

These three core requirements must be instilled within the heart of all IB students once if they complete the program, and said IB students are also required to pray to the god of CAS daily and keep a sacred diary of each prayer.

Theory of Knowledge (ToK)[edit]

Main article: Theory of Knowledge

This crock of shit class is where a bloodthirsty demon teacher sucks the life out of its students by forcing said students' brains to asplode. It should be noted that most, if not all, ToK teachers play the guitar, and so it has been theorized that all of them are in fact the same person attempting to promote its fascist doctrine.

It also requires you to write a 1,200 to 1,600-word essay on one of the prescribed titles given by the IBO, none of which actually make any sense. After writing complete and utter bullshit for about two hours, you finally finish and go masturbate celebrate by doing some complex math equations. However, if you cannot manage a 'D-' at the very least, you automatically fail the diploma.

This is probably the most pointless class in the IB curriculum, forcing you to "think about the way you think you think..." Honestly now, why does it matter? I know shit, period, end of story, get over it. I don't need to "justify my knowledge claims." Unless you want me to justify that I don't know shit. Well, fuck you, I DON'T KNOW SHIT. And, if you were to say this in class, the teacher would throw some bullshit response at you, saying something like "But how do you KNOW that you don't know shit? What ways of knowing can you apply to your statement?"

This crock of shit class is such a complete waste of time that watching the High School Musical series one hundred times consecutively would be more productive.

The Extended Essay (EE)[edit]

The Extended Essay is a 4,000 word demonic piece of writing that requires the IB student to bullshit about his or her chosen topic. If you don't do it, you automatically fail the IB diploma. If you don't get at least an Elementary grade, you automatically fail the diploma. However, if you fail, the IB retardation known as mark conversion will ensure you get an 80 anyways. Seeing as most examiners don't give a shit about your essay since they are paid by the number of essays read, all your work will probably go to waste. If you exceed the word count, the examiner will penalize you over 9000 points out of 36.

IB's Six Core Curriculum[edit]

As a slave member of the IB lifestyle, there are six core topics that you must study:

  • Group 1—First Language
  • Group 2—Second Language
  • Group 3—Individuals and Society
  • Group 4—Experimental Sciences and Computer Sciences
  • Group 5—Mathematics
  • Group 6—Arts / Optional Electives

The IB Hexagon was originally designed as a pentagram, but even Satan's minions realized that you didn't have to be Dan Brown to see through such blatant symbolism.

Extra Credit in the IB[edit]

The IBO has recently assigned new bullshit extra-credit assignments. The following is a list of ass kissing optional work, each worth one extra IB credit.

  • Ace all AP testing.
  • Divide by zero.
  • Revive the dodo bird (or dinosaurs).
  • Lick your ear.
  • Find a university that actually respects the IB.
  • Conquer the world. Twice.
  • Make your own underwater city or find Atlantis; it's up to you. Choose ONE only. Or two.
  • Build a time machine.
  • Touch your right elbow with your right wrist.
  • Use said time machine to go back in time and prove the creation of life.
  • Help the Toronto Maple Leafs win the cup.
  • Build the Death Star. Then destroy it without using your targeting computer.
  • Go a week without coffee.
  • Make a perpetual motion device, then stop it
  • Stop global warming.
  • Find Krypton on the periodic table. And its oxidation state.
  • Befriend a successful Croatian or Caucasian IB graduate.
  • Find the last digit of Pi.
  • Cure cancer. And AIDS. With the same vaccination.
  • Build a death clock.
  • Memorize the TOK.
  • Learn what air feels like.
  • Split the atom. Then glue it together.
  • Take a week off and go on a useless band trip in which you do no work and then come back one week before exams with multiple essays due. Then pass all exams.
  • Memorize the following list.....twice.

You Know You're in I.B. When... (You Have a List This Long)[edit]

  1. You have enough coffee in hand to finish reading this massive list.
  2. You edit Uncyclopedia in your free time.
  3. Getting high is the perfect complementary entheogen to TOK.
  4. You start reading this list and don't stop.
  5. You contemplate becoming a stripper daily in attempt to get out of IB
  6. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
  7. You've discovered the four games on your graphing calculator to play during class when you've had enough.
  8. You develop an irrational fear of the square root of three.
  9. You get excited about a new show on the history channel.
  10. When speaking with a non-IB kid, you must define nearly every word you use.
  11. Every now and then when you open your mouth, queef comes out.
  12. When you think school is where all of the cool kids hang out.
  13. You start taking desperate measures in an attempt to complete CAS such as: Chess Club or Creative Writing Club.
  14. You have become immune to caffeine.
  15. You have been living in your classroom for the past month with just a blanket and pillow, surviving on coffee
  16. You still get a kick out of saying "Your epidermis is showing!"
  17. Your backpack weighs more than you do.
  18. You get annoyed when non-IB kids misuse your, you're, their, there, and they're.
  19. You add to this list when you should be doing physics or chemistry.
  20. After reading the above statement, you realize you have a physics assignment or chemistry studying to do. Memorize those hydrocarbons, bitch.
  21. You debate which science is actually the best one.
  22. You realize sport science is actually the best decision of your life
  23. You never get anywhere in your debates in HOTA. You have learned that there are no resolutions to the Arab-Israeli Conflict or Affirmative Action from these debates.
  24. You’ve filled a 7-11 big gulp cup with coffee and wished you could find a bigger cup.
  25. You develop an irrational fear of the square root of three.
  26. You pick at the grammar of everyone and everything. Chat-speak is not acceptable. Nor is the grammar of the person who wrote the “Reasons for Doing I.B.” section.
  27. You get excited about a new show on the history channel.
  28. You found that probability quiz in Mathematics class the other day to be SO MUCH FUN!
  29. You probably started taking Mathematics in your Sophomore year. This proves that everyone has in them a possibility of becoming IB students.
  30. When you think school is where all of the cool kids hang out.
  31. You are sleep deprived and therefore hallucinate periodically (which explains IB students’ “dreamy eyes that stare into the future”).
  32. No one outside of I.B. wants to be your friend.
  33. Well, that was a lie. That kid in regular classes wants to date you. You date them, then write a fifty page scientific report on that newly identified species of hominid. Then you realise that they were just really, really stupid.
  34. You missed six deadlines during your week of dating
  35. Your idea of going out involves doing charitable acts for your C.A.S. project.
  36. You start meeting your class mates to do maths and physics in your free time.
  37. You explain to each other how the world works by using your newly learnt physics. Such as the Force necessary to move a car is directly proportional to the acceleration the car would experience. You go on further explaining how a Force vs. Acceleration diagram would yield a straight line graph of equation y=mx+b where the gradient, m, would be equal to the mass of the car.
  38. When you finish a test and feel like you have been violated.
  39. When you feel foreign because you’re white.
  40. Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you get some sleep.
  41. You can achieve a Runner’s High by sitting up.
  42. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  43. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  44. The Sun is too loud.
  45. Trees begin threatening you.
  46. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
  47. While writing a TOK paper, you begin to actually understand the material.
  48. You explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip of espresso.
  49. You wonder if brewing is an essential step in the consumption of coffee.
  50. Things become “Very Clear”.
  51. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channellers can understand.
  52. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can levitate.
  53. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  54. You heart beats in 7/8 time.
  55. You and Reality file for divorce.
  56. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
  57. You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can’t quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before.
  58. Antacid tablets and No-Doze become your sole source of nutrition.
  59. You eat breakfast in your first or second period class daily.
  60. You discover the aesthetic beauty of school supplies.
  61. You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, realise you're talking to yourself, then tell yourself to stop. Twice.
  62. You yell: “STOP TOUCHING ME!!!” even though you’re the only person in the room.
  63. You can spell “Baccalaureate”.
  64. “I.B., therefore I B.S.”
  65. “IB has an honor code?!?!”
  66. “Friends” and “fellow IBers” are interchangeable.
  67. You go to bed at 3AM and think, “Oh, it’s an early night!”
  68. Your favorite saying is “If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year…”
  69. Social life? What’s that? Can I download one of those?
  70. You’ve fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you’re in IB or not.
  71. You try to wake up fast enough to catch yourself sleeping – and succeed.
  72. You talk to yourself in the 3rd person.
  73. You write sentences on multiple choice tests.
  74. You don't mind failing because most other people will too.
  75. You frequently catch yourself saying “What?? We had homework??”
  76. You don’t drink, but you find it a convenient way to explain how you dressed yourself in the morning.
  77. You manage to complete a semester’s worth of homework by working 48 hours straight.
  78. You finish your extended essay shortly after midnight. Your smile of satisfaction fades when you remember to start on your World Lit. paper.
  79. You’ve sold your soul to a teacher for a C
  80. You cloned yourself so you could sell your clones’ souls to other teachers for Cs
  81. Desperate to fill up your CAS hours, you claim watching a black and white movie as “creativity” and walking your dog as “activity”, and your teacher approves it.
  82. You have a special “test writing sweater” that you wore to all the IB exams.
  83. Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework, and/or it is whether or not to insufficiently cite a source you barely used for a research paper.
  84. You can count your last quiz grade on one hand.
  85. You wonder if there’s Cliff’s Notes on the Calculus book.
  86. Someone tries to deal you Ritalin.
  87. You don’t really cheat – you just tell people the answers.
  88. Cheating became too difficult, so you took up telepathy.
  89. You have a tab running at Books-A-Million.
  90.,, and Books-A-Million offered to give you a free shipment/order each so you took full advantage of it and are now banned from those stores/sites.
  91. You’ve consulted tarot cards for hints on a History test.
  92. You have the library on speed dial.
  93. You’ve framed the Honor Code.
  94. You’ve developed an imprint of your book bag in your back.
  95. Your best hope for most classes is either divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt.
  96. Your thesis for the Extended Essay is whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay.
  97. Your friend's thesis for the Extended Essay is why IB jokes/checklists are so prolific and the amount of fact contained within them.
  98. You plead insanity on a research paper.
  99. Your plea is accepted by your teacher.
  100. You have a Cliff’s Notes Preferred Customer Credit Card.
  101. You exceed the limit on said credit card–on only Cliff’s Notes
  102. You do your essays on the plane ride to school.
  103. You can lead your way through a frog’s intestines with your eyes closed.
  104. You forgot about that pesky Extended Essay thing until the night before it was due.
  105. You have to stop twice and get gas to make it all the way to school.
  106. You’ve been out various times looking for the Abridged Cliff’s Notes.
  107. You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study.
  108. Your backpack is only comfortable when it weighs >30 pounds.
  109. You have convinced your parents the “1″ you received on your IB Physics exam was really the “top 1% of all IB students worldwide”.
  110. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time to gain that “upper edge” on the rest of the class.
  111. Your home becomes a “home away from home”.
  112. You think the meaning of life is: G = -RTlnK.
  113. You go insane from trying to work Pythagoras’ constant and the golden rule into said equation.
  114. You succeed in mathematically correctly adding above to said formula without changing number bases.
  115. Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, “And they lived happily every after. Amen.”
  116. You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier.
  117. You copy old Theory of Knowledge essays so you can get an A in the Ethics unit.
  118. You plagiarize from Cliff’s Notes for the “What is Truth?” ToK paper.
  119. It’s essential to learn to live with occasional failures.
  120. You don't drive because you need the travel time to study.
  121. “What is the Bronsted-Lowry Theory again?”
  122. Can we say EXTRA CREDIT??
  123. You actually worry about the 105% you have in math.
  124. You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework.
  125. You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.
  126. You think you’re a normal kid until suddenly you realise kids at other high schools regularly go to sleep before midnight.
  127. You get a job at Kinko’s not for the paycheck, but because you’re there 8 hours a day anyway!
  128. You have 15 library cards each under a different alias.
  129. Tests are no longer singular efforts.
  130. The librarians know you so well that you don’t even have to go to the front desk of the library to check the book out.
  131. You’ve read most of the books in your library, and have a written report on over 3/4 of them.
  132. You read all the books in the local public library, so you found a loophole that allowed you to check out books from the local university stacks.
  133. Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina.
  134. You have used nearly all of them (But have just enough left to use as an Extended Essay).
  135. You exceed the 4000 word limit on the Extended Essay by over 1500 words.
  136. The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.
  137. You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in October.
  138. You come into school at 6:00am to do Biology and don’t complain.
  139. It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker.
  140. You carry around flash cards to whip out in your free time.
  141. You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests.
  142. The saying “When I graduate high school” has been replaced with “If I ever graduate.”
  143. When your school gives you a survey on your future plans, you ask your teacher “Will I graduate High School?”
  144. Your teacher has had to ask a student in your class to “Put His Pants Back on”
  145. You edit this page
  146. When you are home sick, you can’t help but wonder what work you’re missing and what your homework is.
  147. When you’re watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
  148. You find yourself spelling words out on Scantrons. You are deeply saddened when you can only find one letter of “IB SUCKS!”
  149. You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a “5″.
  150. You have an internet connection on your calculator.
  151. You have a TI-200 on layaway.
  152. Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs on your calculator.
  153. You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.
  154. You’ve memorized the cracks in the stucco on the wall behind your computer monitor.
  155. You can type 70 words per minute — on a TI-89.
  156. You devise a “pager code” and page your classmates all night with obscene messages.
  157. You use the internet for research and not smut.
  158. You have an autographed picture of Bill Gates in your bedroom.
  159. Your TI-89 can now link with satellites so you can watch The Learning Channel at lunch.
  160. You have more CD-ROMS than music CDs.
  161. Your favorite TV program is Wild Discoveries on The Discovery Channel.
  162. You have your TI-89 hooked up to your friends’ so that you can “chat” during class.
  163. You use your “chat” program to tell each other the answers during a test, and your teacher congratulates you for your “innovative thinking”.
  164. The only reason Texas Instruments hired you was because your bill was so large.
  165. You became a hardware beta tester for TI.
  166. You consult the RandInt( function on your TI-86 for answers on multiple-choice tests (including IB and AP exams).
  167. You find the algorithm to correctly answer multiple choice tests without looking at them.
  168. You brag about how large your computer is.
  169. You debate whether or not you can send a fax collect.
  170. Your favorites on the pull down menu of your internet browser include: Barlett’s Familiar Quotations, The Electric Library, The Discovery Channel online, The History Channel online, and the National Geographic homepage.
  171. You consider your computer your best friend.
  172. You see no point to programming in anything other than machine code and possibly assembly.
  173. You write and run programs in your head while sleeping between classes and practicing chess moves on the tile floor en route.
  174. You often wake up suddenly from this and start screaming out streams of ones and zeroes, then explain it away as either an assembly crash or an i/o error, as applicable.
  175. You discuss the impossibility of the aliens’ computers being Macintosh compatible in Independence Day.
  176. You wish you could interface with the computer-generated reality of the Matrix.
  177. You envy the Borg.
  178. The Borg envy you.
  179. You’ve gotten electronic copies of text books in TI-89 format.
  180. Your TI-89 has made you stupid.
  181. You have made your TI-89 stupid.
  182. Your multiple T3 lines were too slow for last minute searches for your term papers, so you got a couple of OC-20 lines
  183. You’ve replaced your Flintstones vitamins with speed.
  184. Your bed hasn’t been slept in since Bush was president.
  185. Your best friend is Jack Daniels.
  186. His best friend is midnight study parties.
  187. You actually believe “mental health days” are excused absences.
  188. Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans.
  189. You slip prozac into your Powerade or Dr. Pepper.
  190. You’re afraid of sunlight since you haven’t seen it in 3 years.
  191. You get Advil at cost.
  192. You get a full upper body workout putting your backpack on.
  193. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time and gain that “upper edge” on the rest of the class.
  194. Breakfast?! What’s that?
  195. The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.
  196. You always seem to have one continuous headache.
  197. You haven’t seen light in so long you glow in the dark.
  198. You find yourself thinking “Without stress my life would be empty.”
  199. You don’t carry lunch money – You carry Vivarin, Powerade, and Dr. Pepper money.
  200. Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes.
  201. You have a permanent caffeine-and-sleep-deprivation high.
  202. You actually BUY caffeinated water.
  203. You can measure your daily caffeine consumption in gallons.
  204. You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand.
  205. You’ve taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class.
  206. When your teacher wakes you from sleep when nothing is going on in class, you are deprived of sleep.
  207. You’ve used so much Vivarin, you learn to make it in Chemistry in order to save money.
  208. You actually get used to waking up at 5:00 am.
  209. You actually get used to waking up at 5 am, then decide to sleep some more anyway.
  210. You hyperventilate every time you see a traditional student, praying that you’ll never become like them.
  211. You look forward to your in-school finals as a change of pace from your IB exams.
  212. You actually put the apostrophe in front of the word “’cause.”
  213. The local media writes an article on your class and titles it “Brains R Us”. (this really happened!)
  214. You still get kicks saying “Your epidermis is showing.”
  215. When no one’s looking, you exacerbate.
  216. You think SEX is an acronym for a test you take after the SAT.
  217. You think “getting high” is a reference to grades.
  218. You think Saved By The Bell was a documentary.
  219. The vampire rapist thought you were crazy.
  220. Your idea of watching TV is the morning announcements.
  221. You misread the Psychology exam and write an essay on “social sex”.
  222. You’re one of the few people who realizes that Catcher in the Rye isn’t about baseball.
  223. You have taken in so much knowledge that you forget what the doorbell means.
  224. You feel the need to literarily analyse the character development, mood/tone, plot development, dialogue, and other literary aspects of an episode of Family Guy.
  225. You wrote an essay on it and got a 7 for it.
  226. You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
  227. You’re one of the few to know that the “perverted American Dream” isn’t a porno.
  228. Watching Beavis and Butthead requires WAY too much brain power.
  229. You clean up your room and find a bed.
  230. You wonder about things like what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and your turned your lights on.
  231. You have a bumper sticker that says “Proud to be a test tube baby.”
  232. “Burnout” isn’t a strong enough word to describe you.
  233. The word “ponder” sends you into spasms.
  234. William Carlos Williams’ poetry actually makes sense.
  235. For those of you who took French A1, replace by G. Appollinaire
  236. You gave up your search for a “nice university with a good curriculum” during your first week of 11th grade. You’ve now redefined your search to “a nice bell tower with a good mount for a sniper rifle”. You stop going to volunteer work, but you unconsciously think you’re still going.
  237. Everything you know about sex, you learned from the English reading list.
  238. You worry about hyphens.
  239. The words: “Oh my God! There’s a triad in this poem!”
  240. You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work.
  241. It’s the little things that confuse you.
  242. You have the chemical formula and steps of synthesis for caffeine memorized.
  243. You think that the game LIFE will really affect yours.
  244. You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about “normal high school”.
  245. Alternatively, you realize Beavis and Butthead is actually Mike Judge’s social commentary on the MTV generation’s stupidity.
  246. You find all the “glitches”, “boo-boos”, and other such small mistakes in movies.
  247. You use your ToK background to analyze Winnie the Pooh’s Book of Quotations.
  248. When asked what significance Hitler had to Racial Social Darwinism, you say “Well, he didn’t like Jews.”
  249. You look forward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.
  250. Free time?
  251. You’ve mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.
  252. You get to college and realize the classes you are taking seem really familiar.
  253. Your college professors’ grading systems seem a little too lenient.
  254. You dread the word rubric.
  255. Yourbrainissooverloadedthatyouforgetthesimplestthings.
  256. You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject “Hitler was a nice guy, wasn’t he?” (sarcasm not included)
  257. You’ve managed to get through an entire year of History of the Americas without reading one page of your test book.
  258. You’re not certain if you want to get laid, layed, or laid to rest.
  259. When you go to the library, you see a least three or four of your classmates.
  260. To celebrate finishing your IB exams you decide to be really wild and go for coffee.
  261. You hold “parties” to study.
  262. You look forward to your parties.
  263. Your fellow IBers look forward to your parties, attend them, and do actual studying there.
  264. You envy the unabomber’s social life.
  265. Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate.
  266. You have an element named after you.
  267. Four words: “Wanna play some chess?”
  268. You decline the invitation displayed above, saying that you would better spend your time doing homework.
  269. Your peers know more about you than you do.
  270. You really wear those IB T-shirts.
  271. You forget your brother’s name because you haven’t seen him in three years.
  272. Wait…what brother?
  273. Your last mate was a “checkmate”.
  274. Every year you nominate yourself for Homecoming Royalty and wonder why you never win.
  275. “Anybody wanna play some cards?”
  276. You show school spirit at the pep assemblies.
  277. You are usually dressed more formal than your teachers.
  278. When on vacation, you visit other schools.
  279. You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest.
  280. You’d go into severe spasms if you ever lost your IB herd.
  281. “There’s a MALL in this town?!?!”
  282. You are periodically annoyed when people confuse “allusion” and “illusion”, and sometimes correct your teacher.
  283. You see your Extended Essay advisor more than you see your parents.
  284. You’d feel bad about not having a social life if only you could remember what it was like to have one.
  285. You think “social life” refers to life in Soviet Bloc nations during the Cold War.
  286. You talk in your sleep — in Italian.
  287. The only words you ever say in Spanish class are “No sé.”
  288. You are convinced that your “Baccalaureate Internationale proffeur de français” thinks you’re sexy.
  289. Your “Baccalaureate Internationale proffeur de français” DOES think you’re sexy.
  290. The only French you know is “J’aime manger le poission.”
  291. You find all five errors so far in this section, unless at least one has been revised by one of you sneaky bastards.
  292. You resort to communicating with classmates through a series of clicks because languages take too long.
  293. You notice that there is a language consisting of clicks.
  294. You already know that it’s called Xhosa.
  295. You just looked up Xhosa.
  296. You love the “Macarena” not because it’s a neat-o dance, but because you actually understand what those Spanish guys are saying.
  297. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  298. You no longer speak English — You speak a combination of English, German, Spanish, French, Portugese, Swedish, Dutch, Chinese, Russian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and Polish.
  299. Fellow IBers understand and use the same combined language.
  300. You convert it to 36-bit words converted to hexadecimal numbers to communicate as it is faster.
  301. You write a text-to-speech program that uses this hexadecimal linguistic conglomerate.
  302. You modify your text-to-speech program so that it also works as speech-to-text, and is eerily accurate.
  303. You go into your Spanish oral on the Cuban Revolution and, when asked for you sources, produce Cuban sandwiches and cry out, “Sources? Sources? We don’t need no stinkin’ sources!” (actually happened!).
  304. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  305. You scoff at others’ lowly TI-83s while you caress your TI-92+ with pride.
  306. You debate physics during lunch…and you usually win.
  307. You know the chemical composition of the ugly brown stains on the ceiling tiles.
  308. Your calculators and/or backpacks are an extension of your body.
  309. You say, “I so accurately measured the momentum of my homework that it could be anywhere.”
  310. Your backpack has an imprint of your back in what little remains of the padding.
  311. Your last backpack broke because it couldn’t handle the weight and volume of your books and binders.
  312. The “padded” straps on your backpack are padded everywhere except where your collarbones go.
  313. You’ve set an Apple II and your TI in a race to see which one could count to infinity the fastest.
  314. You took out the cheesy infinity code and substituted a Pi-calculating code.
  315. Your TI won.
  316. Better yet, you won, because you can name Pi to several hundred digits more than they could.
  317. No, you definitely won, because you caught an error in both of the final results.
  318. The Apple II was wrong by a larger amount.J
  319. You added a second motorola 68000 chip to your TI-89/92+ and overclocked them both to 50 MHz, which required rewriting all of #the TIOS, but it was accomplished the entire task in 4 study breaks.
  320. You add support for RPN and multiple VGA monitors during the modifications.
  321. Then you run your modified TI-89/92+ up against a 486DX4-100 linux box and you still win, with your TI coming in a far second.
  322. You feel guilty if you go more than a week without homework or some form of schooling.
  323. After getting a “B” on your Chemistry test, you decide to take out your anger on some TWA plane.
  324. You’re sad, because you can only take four HL tests.
  325. You hack the school’s network and duplicate your records so that you can take another three HLs, then merge the records together after you take your senior IB exams.
  326. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  327. You’re so frustrated with IB that you sent package bombs to random people’s houses and framed some Ted guy. (hey! I’m a Ted!)
  328. You carry a protractor in your back pocket. (naah…that’s what cargo pockets are for besides calculators…)
  329. You use a Casio instead of a TI
  330. Chuck Norris feels inferior to your knowledge.
  331. The Borg beg you to permit them to assimilate you.
  332. You permit them to assimilate you, but only if you become part of Unimatrix Zero and the collective does not interfere with Unimatrix Zero ever again.
  333. You see 0110 1001 0110 1001 and get horny.
  334. You actually think you have a shot at passing the physics HL exam.
  335. Your Theory of Knowledge class has you seriously thinking if Hitler was justified in killing those 6 million Jews.
  336. You make a date to do homework together and you actually do.
  337. You derive formulas for fun. From first principles.
  338. The offer of bonus marks for combed hair results in a dramatic improvement in your appearance.
  339. You write your “What is Truth?” ToK paper entirely in Newspeak.
  340. You post said paper on your web server, which crashes two minutes later from the Slashdot Effect, even though you built it to withstand multiple Slashdottings at once.
  341. you start walking in geometric circles
  342. you start analyzing random books, song lyrics, and street signs
  343. a good night’s sleep is 5 hours
  344. you have made up complicated metaphors relating your love life to a card game and have fun doing it
  345. 16+2= …wait let me get my graphing calculator!
  346. the urge to shout “Sir, yes sir” overwhelms you and…you do it
  347. the idea of “getting off on tangents” is hilariously funny
  348. the word “switzerlish” makes more sense then “swiss”
  349. the word “conspiricized” makes more sense that “conspired”… and then it takes you a couple of tries to get it right.
  350. You correct your NIB friend when he says he’s “factoring” his quadratic trinomial. Everyone knows the word is “factorising”!
  351. you have the whole jargon file memorized, and cite it WAY too often
  352. when you find mistakes in the yearbook you have to write the correction in every yearbook.
  353. you labor under the impression that index cards are “handy dandy nifty difty”
  354. you get high off of intellectualism (credit Sheryl Crow…)
  355. you logically investigate the mystical powers of the phrase “wouldn’t it be funny if…”
  356. you find deep meaning in the words to “I Wanna Be Sedated “
  357. you don’t speak French, yet you compile a list of insults in French
  358. You come up with Latin names for Pokemon, and classify the words under actual Latin noun declensions.
  359. when reading “Les Mis.” in French you spend the entire class period figuring out how to say “is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” en Français
  360. you spell “am” wrong
  361. You noticed that 21 and 109 are the same.
  362. it takes you 3 days to get this joke: Q: You know what? A: No, introduce me.
  363. you write stories and give them to other people to analyze for you because you don’t understand them
  364. you were a pair of antennae (deedleyboppers) on your head and think you’re a water molecule
  365. you get brownie points with your chemistry teacher for the above
  366. you forget the meaning of the words “free time” yet remember the meaning of “mantic” (n. )
  367. you have complicated dreams about graphing circles and ellipses
  368. you start a Scrabble Club. wait…that’s a bad thing?
  369. Feudal War is the only card game worthy of IBers
  370. You walk in the movement patterns of a knight to improve your chess strategy while you nap on your way to your next class.
  371. you have theological discussions at parties
  372. you have theoretical physics discussions at parties
  373. the number on your screen name corresponds to the page number that character you use for your screen name has an appearance in the book you got it from
  374. you understand above the first time you read it
  375. whenever you’re watching a movie you find all the motifs and themes…without trying
  376. you start to laugh hysterically when you’re writing a bibliography because a book has TWO authors
  377. you find juxtaposition in places you shouldn’t be looking for it
  378. you spend all your time complaining about your work, then do it hurriedly because you want to get to bed and don’t know where all the time went
  379. you brag that you only got 2 hours of sleep last night
  380. you have Amsco parties
  381. you write a two page answer to a one sentence question
  382. you look forward to arguing
  383. you enjoy complaining and scaring underclassmen (yeah, and they gave us 500 pages of History, but I managed to do that even though my back is now permanently damaged by the weight of my backpack, and the track bugs almost got me so I was exhausted from running… etc.)
  384. you weren’t kidding.
  385. you have no idea who the drug dealers are, or which students are probably concealing weapons
  386. you consider sweet tarts, chocolate, and caffeine drugs (so actually, you DO know who the drug dealers are, in a way…)
  387. you love telling your boyfriend/girlfriend the story your math teacher told you
  388. you give out fliers announcing that you’re going to the movies
  389. movies??? What are they???
  390. when writing down decimals, you don’t understand why you can’t write them to the 14th decimal place
  391. you feel sorry for the chemicals in chemistry class
  392. your math teacher is telling you a story and you say “that could never happen, the light bulb would burn out” and it MAKES SENSE
  393. this number means something: 42
  394. your brain is such a pile of mush that you carry around a teddy bear so you don’t start shaking in the middle of class
  395. you are already planning where your lockers will be next year
  396. at least 4 of your classes (history, english, ToK, psychology) are talking about almost the same thing, or at least you think they are …it could be an illusion…maybe you’re not in class at all…
  397. 7 classes means seven classes
  398. the longest you can go without caffeine is less than 6 hours…okay, okay, less than 2 hours.. an NIB, known as Issy, can also do this
  399. you faithfully copy words without vowels in them, yet somehow understand them
  400. you still don’t have a schedule after a week of school
  401. your teachers taunt each other and/or hit themselves on the head with markers or water bottles
  402. it’s TWICE as amusing to have TWO of SOMETHING than one of it
  403. it’s THREE times as amusing to have THREE of SOMETHING (julie…!)
  404. the wall really IS there! (Mr. Baron PROVED it…CLUNK!)
  405. rolling down hills is an appropriate math project
  406. you start overanalyzing the rainbows on people’s clothing
  407. you write a newsletter half in Latin
  408. your Physics teacher knows how to say “outstanding” in over 30 languages, yet chooses”cool beans!”
  409. you need a graphing calculator to bake
  410. you’re disappointed when you only get 100% on a test
  411. you’re smarter than all your teachers…no, that just means you’re in public school
  412. you relax vicariously through your non-IB friends (what non-IB friends???)
  413. you forget to breathe
  414. you realize the IB drop outs are smarter than you are (they are???)
  415. you utilize semi-advanced computer technology to make stupid web pages like this one!
  416. writing poetry is your idea of a good time
  417. you feel guilty after cheating in a test
  418. it takes too long so you write a program to generate intelligible haikus and win a programming challenge on dotcomma
  419. you have a better love life on the computer than in real life (no,that just means you’re more (technologically) intelligent than most people)
  420. this number means something to you…something you haven’t followed up on yet: 69
  421. you write parodies of Faulkner’s work for fun
  422. you attempt to do your extended essay on Dr. Seuss
  423. you translate a Dr. Seuss book, such as Green Eggs and Ham, into Latin, just for the hell of it
  424. your idea of a 3am party game is analyzing the socio-political commentary in Dr. Seuss
  425. you complain about studying for your foreign language exam…in multiple foreign languages
  426. you have a thought, and it hurts.
  427. you have a hurt, and it thinks.
  428. your main addiction is to sleep…and you’re always experiencing withdrawal.
  429. you get angry at someone for being late so you can’t copy their homework.
  430. you get angry at your lab partner for forcing you to stay up late, waiting for his/her e-mail so you can finish Group 4
  431. your backpack is heavier than you are.
  432. you realize that something is missing when your backpack feels too light.
  433. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you’ve said it before.
  434. you complain that you can’t store notes on your graphing calculator for the IB English exam.
  435. you get a smug satisfaction out of f-f-f-finally remembering the word “fovea” (or f-f-f-forgetting “Fundamental Laws”)
  436. you use logic to justify the color of your nail polish.
  437. you can’t enjoy a heart-warming cartoon because the French grammar is wrong.
  438. the most peer pressure you have recently experienced is someone trying to get you to eat potato chips.
  439. You play soggy biscuit by yourself
  440. Your favorite song is Barenaked Ladies’ “Who Needs Sleep” (or is it your anthem?)
  441. Your project is still due in a few hours
  442. Your english essay was quickly done on the back of a cereal box during breakfast because you had no paper on the way to school to write on.
  443. You had no time to finish your TOK paper during math class because the biology homework due yesterday took up all your time in English.
  444. The numbers ‘24′ up to and including ‘45′ will never be the same again.
  445. You know the difference between motive and motif
  446. You DON’T want to miss class
  447. You have a massive nervous breakdown, post seizure effects, and minor head trauma and you weren’t even in school that day, nor did you skip.
  448. You also think that you are completely okay after enduring said medical problems.
  449. If you fall 2 weeks behind in the autumn, you’ll be doing make-up work until the very end of the year
  450. You think getting a D means you passed.
  451. Your locker is jammed and your backpack, when laid down, is half as tall as you, and there still isn’t enough room!
  452. You are more than used when your NIB friends make fun of you
  453. your idea of a “girls’ night out” is when you get together to review the Cold War
  454. You’re actually jealous when NIB tell you they went to a concert, a party or a bar
  455. when you go out partying (IF you go) you can’t stop thinking in all the biology lesson you have to memorize for your mock test
  456. at said social event, you choose to write an extra-credit biology paper on the psychological effects of the drugs on your friends
  457. you feel part of something when you read you’re not the only stupid doing IB
  458. you get continuous nervous breakdowns
  459. you wanted to have more than 15 minutes for your english oral
  460. you’re already in bed (at 4am when you wake up at 6am) and you realise you left your computer on. You get out of bed to turn it off and to make sure you’ll have a complete battery for the next day
  461. you can type 100 words per minute in a coma
  462. you don’t even have to look at the letters while writing in your computer
  463. you enjoy your extra anthropology classes
  464. you really think someone cares whether alutiiqs or skolt lapps suffered a major culture change
  465. you see your teachers more often than your parents
  466. you like to suffer, or shall I say, you love “challenges”
  467. you fool yourself saying the “habits” IB taught you will accompany you in college
  468. you get high with an enormous quantity of coffee
  469. you know the difference between suppression, oppression and repression
  470. you actually look at this and memorize every word
  471. you think “NBA” is some sort of formula you have never seen before, so you actually find what N, B, and A equals
  472. you are reading this
  473. You believe death IS freedom
  474. you can figure out what frscrndsvnyrsg actually says and means (Yes it is a phrase with now vowels and it does mean something)
  475. You have thought about making a Tshirt that says:” You Know You’re In IB WHEN…” and on the back there would be things from this list
  476. you made a list of your own to put on the back of the Tshirt but then you lost it in a fight with your homework
  477. you this read have and compelled this to fix felt
  478. you actually read this whole list
  479. You actually read this whole page.
  480. You write the 500th item in this list
  481. You talk dirty to your girl/boyfriend using lab terms in the passive voice.
  482. The sale of some of your art supplies is actually forbidden to minors
  483. You relate freedom with answering a question of Maths HL
  484. You find it disturbing to have free time, later realising you still have work to do.
  485. You have seven windows of EE related research at the bottom of the page begging for attention, but instead you are reading this list for the sole reason that things just don’t feel right if you dont wait until the last possible moment to complete them.
  486. You can’t ride your bike with no handlebars.
  487. You don’t get the above…
  488. yet, the double negative in the sentence two lines above this one bothers the fark out of you.
  489. You enjoy
  490. You prefer to make programs in binary, because you dislike the “limitations” of computer languages.
  491. You laugh at someone trying to divide by zero.
  492. you look at poo and tried to falsify it by eating it
  493. You concur.
  494. “Oh Canada” gets stuck in your head
  495. You begin to talk like an 18th century englishman
  496. You dream of Elizabeth Bennet and wake up with a wet spot on your bed near your pelvis
  497. You start editing Uncyclopedia
  498. Y hv n prblm rdng Nglsh txt wtht ny vwls
  499. You actually know what the IM slang ‘jfgi’ means
  500. If not, you just looked it up, ironically using the same method that the phrase encourages
  501. You see the irony in that
  502. You see Detriot Edison’s slogan ‘E=DTE’ and realize that D and T must be reciprocals of each other
  503. you think. Therefore you are.
  504. You avidly play the game (and just lost).
  505. You care that you just lost
  506. You hunt down the jerk responsible for the post above the previous one (and write the next thing on this list, DO IT NOW!)
  507. You edit this because you said: “WHERE’S NUMBER 500?!”
  508. You prefer use windows instead of doors.
  509. When someone says “truth” you think on TOK.
  510. You prefer do homework on the school than at your place.
  511. You compare colors to bitmap resolutions.
  512. You were thinking of a perfect sentence to write in that list while you were reading it.
  513. Murder is the new black.
  514. You STILL don’t know what a knowledge issue is
  515. After someone deleted the original list, you went to Google, searched what you could of the list, and reposted 5/8 of it...
  516. You went through and renumbered the list after the above poster screwed up the numbering.
  517. "I will get 45 points!"
  518. You bleed coffee instead of blood
  519. When you start to analyze everything someone says and everything youread. "Why did he write about the cloud in the sky?" I don't know. He just fucking did. no deeper meaning than that
  520. "IB screwed!"
  521. You noticed that there was no 413
  522. You re-number this page so there is a 413
  523. You notice something weird is going on
  524. You notice that the weird thing is, the fact that we seem to have gone from 514 to 415, which states 'You noticed that there was no 413' and quickly scroll up to find there really is a 413, causing you to laugh at the idiocy of whoever wrote said comment.
  525. You re number everything, causing me to look like an idiot.
  526. When you get one day off, you first don't believe it. Your teachers told you, your friemds (not the comrades IBers) told you, your parents told you and its written all over the school, but you come to school on the day off anyway. When you get there and you realize that you ACTUALLY have the day off, you start crying and yelling begging to go inside. Then you wake up knowing it was all a dream.
  527. You immedietly realized that there is a mistake in the word 'friemds' above.
  528. You go back to make it right, but then you remember you have 2 history papers due next week, 3 biology labs and 2 chemistry labs due the day after tomorrow, 5 english essays due within a month, and that you have to read 10 books from the library in the next 2 months, but you go back and re-write it anyway.
  529. You also understood the word 'IBers'.
  530. In your ToK paper, you use english, spanish, greek, hebrew, portuguese, french, italian, german, russian and polish in one sentence and you are not surprised that you were able to do so.
  531. In the same paper, you use all those languages, math, music, science, history and rt terms to explain perspective. You take a break, and you realize you only wrote less than a page. And again, you are not surprised about that.
  532. You are too depressed to kill your self.
  533. You are able to do the class when your teacher is not around.
  534. After you finished studying the second world war, you are all very surprised why are there lots of cops and people wearing white trying to catch you when all you where saying was 'Hail Hitler!' instead of 'Hi'.
  535. You lie to your parents and say you are doing homework when really you are writing an alternate history timeline, for fun, which is over 12,000 words long.
  536. You do not, really do not understand why are you taking the IB, and you know that is a question that goes by everyone's mind, but since you have 7 5000words long essays due tomorrow, you shut down your normal thinking and leave it that way.
  537. You actually study at school.
  538. You discuss with your teacher about if Hitler hadn't been in power, the world would be a better place just for fun in your lunch time.
  539. You are 40 years old and working on a telephone shop with 5 dollars an hour and al you want to do is go back to school and do IB again.
  540. You realized what you just though and get horrified with your self.
  541. You stop thinking and leave it that way.
  542. You see IB. You smell IB. You touch IB. You feel IB. You taste IB. Even your sixth sense is IB. And you feel like your self was insulted when someone asks if IB is some kind of candy or something.
  543. You try to explain the 4th or even the 5th dimmention in your EE.
  544. Your first page on internet is "google translator"
  545. Your pen gets empty of ink BEFORE you loose lose it.
  546. You actually understood this whole list, and at least felt identified with 100 of this phrases
  547. You read this last phrase and didn't want to believe it, so you went back this whole freaking list about these freaking stupid IBers list and start to check if its true that you identify your self with 100 of them, and in the end you find out that you don't identify your self with 100 of them. Instead what you found out is something that gives you a reason to quit your life: you identify your self with 400 of them.
  548. You corrected that ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE mistake of 'loose' for 'lose' found in # 564. 542
  549. If there is a fire in your school during an AP exam and you ask if it will void your test, making you not get the credit for the two and a half essays you just wrote.
  550. you try to explain how hitler could have dealt with the jews, prevented the hallocaust and still achieved world domination with no jews in germany.
  551. if you just thought about the last question, and actually could think of how it would have been possible, and your theory involved crashing the social economical structures of the small allied countries surrounding germany.
  552. When you are tempted to edit the last two points due to grammatical correctness. Then you chuckle because you think of yourself as Grammar Nazi.
  553. You thought that was funny, then you found your self doing it during science class.
  554. When you realized someone misspelled 'science' in the previous point.
  555. You feel like a spy agent when your friends call you to go to a disco on saturday night and you take your homework with you.
  556. Holiday? What's that? Is it some kind of candy?
  557. You take this list too seriously.
  558. 'No I don't! No, I don't take it seriously!!!'
  559. You defeat TOK only to realize that it is based on your interpretation and perception and TOK can never be beaten as it was used in the reasoning and my head explodes. Damn it, TOK won.
  560. There is only enough room in your schedule to take 8 courses per school year, but you take 10.
  561. You write your grocery list in MLA format.
  562. You often find yourself crying and you can't remember why.....until you remember you are in IB.
  563. You do your homework while you are crying because just crying would be a waste of time.
  564. You waste time on youtube looking at IB videos and parodies because you just might snap if you have to write another 3,000 words.
  565. You get home from a bad day at school and you watch Doctor Who
  566. You are reminded of your French homework every time the Doctor says allons-y.
  567. So you end up doing your French homework while watching Doctor Who.
  568. You have written an IA with a glass of wine in your hand.
  569. Your mom gives you a glass of wine to try to calm you down and you don't even notice what you are drinking.
  570. You have had multiple nervous break downs but, you just keep coming back for more.
  571. The guy you like tells you that you are sexually repressed and you drink to much. The funny thing is, you don't have enough time to be either of those things.
  572. Another funny thing is that you couldn't even text him back because you had a 500 point lab due the next day.
  573. You find it interesting that no one has just snapped and tried to kill your History teacher.
  574. You think that one President is a genius because he suggested that the Germans give Jews part of their land for their own state.
  575. You take naps on the floor of the classroom and your teacher just steps over you and continues his lecture.
  576. You get in a car accident a day before IB and AP tests and you wish you had just died.
  577. You look up sometimes and shout "WHY????" at the sky.
  578. You wake up every thirty minutes because you feel like you are forgetting something or that you are late to class.
  579. Your mom begs you to stop doing homework and watch a movie with her.
  580. You weekends involve long nights.......with your books.
  581. You constantly ask yourself why you are so dumb......and you answer back.
  582. You can somehow get a 5 on an AP test and a 7 on an IB test but, you can't seem to get a good score on the SAT.
  583. You cry because you feel like you disappointed your teacher.
  584. You used to think that you would be able to work out Junior and Senior year but, you never actually leave your house except for school and school related events.
  585. You bargain with the universe to make you more intelligent.
  586. You read this whole list
  587. When your none IB friends people at your school don't understand why the series 1/n diverges
  588. You debate why 0!=1
  589. You validate every math equation you see in movies
  590. You brag to everyone about it when you've proven the said equations wrong
  591. You get King Lear on your IB Oral and you look at it with disgust.
  592. Then you look at your teacher in disgust.
  593. Then you cry a lot little.
  594. Then you use the word bastard a lot.
  595. Then you wreck that Oral like it is nobodies business.
  596. You express your feelings in mathematical equations.
  597. You get past the school's internet block so you can youtube history videos.
  598. Even your teachers think you are kind of pathetic.
  599. You dream about getting enough sleep only to wake up four hours after going to sleep.
  600. You stay home instead of going to prom so you can study for the French IB test.
  601. You give a lecture on how sleep is beautiful and you get extra-credit for it.
  602. You skip school because you worked better in the night
  603. You don't know what to do after IB testing/ you wonder how life can be so boring.
  604. When your burned out of all schooling after a month in your junior year
  605. You make a youtube video about the struggles of IB
  606. You look up your classmates youtube videos and have a good chuckle because they think math studies is a real class
  607. When you notice the grammar mistake in the last sentence and have a rash impulse to fix it
  608. Your phrase to live by is Fuck it
  609. You get obsessed with making long lists
  610. You have suicidal tendencies
  611. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
  612. You check your eyes every morning for jaundice wondering why all Tylenol, Advil and caffeine you've chugging down shot your liver.
  613. Occasionally, late at night, you shout "FUCK IB!!!!"
  614. Your favorite time of the day is when you decide to "fuck it" and go to bed
  615. You have learned to keep quiet when non-IB people complain about their "large amount" of school work
  616. You have extremely loud TOK arguments in your head
  617. You look forward to the exam period because it means you're done with the IAs
  618. People have found you asleep at uncommon places
  619. You have tried 10+ different calendar apps
  620. You feel vomit coming up your throat whenever you hear the word "knowledge"
  621. You throw up when you hear the question "how do you know?"
  622. Your source of entertainment is to create codes using formulas and IB acronyms
  623. You start to mentally construct free-body diagrams for objects that move
  624. You skip school to avoid disappointing your teacher
  625. You analyze the scenery on your way home
  626. You get mindfucked at precisely 12:40 in the morning by a friend that manages to get you lost in the middle of the night in The Netherlands on a journey that begins 10 minutes before curfew
  627. You want to cry but you realize you have no time to do that ←
  628. You plan your suicide ←
  629. You spent more time planning than actually starting your work ←
  630. Procrastination and suicide are your bests ←
  631. You divorce your bed and file for custody of your children happiness and freedom but fail ←
  632. You're in TOK and you don't listen for 10 minutes, then ask your self why you are here ←
  633. You cry when hearing to the words discuss and to what extent
  634. You define the words discuss and to what extent in your head whenever one is mentioned
  635. You do all of your summer work in the two minutes before each class
  636. You see your physics teacher at Disney World and he stops you to have a heartfelt conversation about NASA and its potential, and you tell him the moon landing never actually happened
  637. Writing 400 words of your TOK Essay in 10 minutes so you can read this list
  638. Making this list is easier than planning out your IA and EE
  639. You check your homework only to find nothing, but you're convinced that you have homework
  640. Reading all the way to the end to waste some time
  641. Shitting your pants in the middle of your IOC
  642. Drawing a diagram of a kidney gives you a Vietnam Flashback
  643. You get up to do your TOK presentation, after extensively practicing it, and your mind goes blank
  644. You burn down a church due to mixed messages from TOK
  645. The QuestionBank is your best friend
  646. You pray to the IB Gods every night hoping to survive the next day
  647. You say "IB Lit" in your literature class
  648. While learning, you produce so much acid, that you sometimes accidentally dissolve entire parts of your body
  649. A $40 textbook seems cheap to you
  650. You realize that you're wasting your time reading this list
  651. You know the laws of thermodynamics by heart
  652. You can write a 1200 word essay over a weekend
  653. You don't e-mail your teachers anymore, you got their phone numbers
  654. A phone call with your IA supervisor at 1 am is totally normal
  655. You question everything, because TOK
  656. Not even one person in your whole class is religious
  657. You wouldn't survive a maths exam without the formula booklet
  658. You've probably become a communist or an anarchist
  659. you get a 6 on your exam when your predicted was 4 or vice versa
  660. your second draft is also your final draft
  661. your initial RQ for your extended essay is not the RQ you had on your final draft (I had to change mine five times)
  662. No amount of bleach can remove that "Does-it-look-like-I-give-a-shit" look on your face.
  663. you seriously consider prostitution a backup-plan
  664. you get suicidal thoughts on a daily
  665. you play tank trouble instead of finishing your IA
  666. your math hl class is so shit they give them a pass grade of 8/60 and 4/5 of your class manages to fail
  667. only one person in your class manages to get a weak 5 in the second term ib1 Econ exam
  668. you use on a daily
  669. you draw the molecular structure of glucose and amino acids on your arm and you think it looks cool
  670. you realize that the grade you get in TOK over the course of is a grade on how you think
  671. you stop revising what you learnt and start revising how the hell you are gonna cheat
  672. you press the pause button while watching a TV show and ask yourself "why isn't it a woman in this role" (i never used to do this btw)
  673. you regularly have to go to town and get your bag stitched up because of all the heavy books
  674. you sleep in class and the teacher looks at you and says "i feel you"
  675. everyone does diploma in the beginning of year 1 but gradually everyone does certificate
  676. you have mastered the intense sport of doing your homework while the teacher is collecting it
  677. for every thousand word you write in an essay you lose wait
  678. your parents are being dicks about doing certificate
  679. you think certificate is for retarded cock juggling thunder cunts.......and YOU END UP DOING IT lol...classic
  680. your extended essay is due tomorrow and you have a word count of your name, the date, and MOTHERFUCKING EXTENDED ESSAY written on the title page
  681. the only relationship you have is with IB, and it's a love-hate relationship
  682. you try to hang yourself in class
  683. you start rethinking the need to go to university


The White-Out Invasion 622. You are constantly in denial and work through your problems by sleeping.

Links to Help Concentration and Prevent Procrastination[edit]

  • Go back to normal school!!