IJesus 2.0
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Contents |
[edit] History
Invented in 1932 by Ralph Wiggum (formerly known as "that guy who eats your garbage"), the iJesus 2.0 is one of Apple's greatest successes and a vast improvement over the original iJesus. Apple technicians are currently working on an "iJesus 3.0: The Resurrection", which is believed to be able to connect to a USB Bible and send Bible verses at speeds of up to 12ppm (prayers per minute).
[edit] Specs
The iJesus 2.0 has 40TB RAM, a 26-core Intel Jesium Processor, 1 Googlebyte of storage space and the ability to connect up to the universal "heaven" feature. The iJesus 2.0 is also a Bluetooth and WiFi compatible device.
[edit] iSight
The iJesus 2.0 contains an iSight camera to SEE AND RECORD ALL. The iJesus 2.0 constantly takes 4,600 photos per minute and wirelessly uploads them to iGod. (Only in iWiFi hotspots). It can also see 7 minutes into the future, a vast improvement over the original, which could only see things 7 seconds after they occurred.
[edit] Additional information
The iJesus 2.0 has the ability to sprout inflatable legs in order to walk on water, giving users the ability to listen to their favourite music in the bath or swimming pool. It also contains a minibar with a water-into-wine feature.
The iJesus 2.0 is said to be the best magician ever, including curing sick and old people by touch. Also, it is said to be able to split up food into infinite amounts, so someone will be sending one to Africa any minute now. This is also said to actually be a load of bollocks as said in the iBible.
[edit] iBible
The iBible is an accesory for the iJesus 2.0 talking about its history. However this is grossly exagerated and very controversial because the New Testiment said the complete oposite of the Old Testimant.
[edit] Potential hazards
Controversy has surrounded the iJesus 2.0 ever since the potential risk of fanatical dogmatism was discovered, when a user decided to start a religious crusade. The iJesus 2.0 was not taken off the market, however, because of the process of iDesecularization began by iSenator Joe iMcarthey in the 1950s.
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. | |
| Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself; the one who started it all! | Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus |
| Jebus: Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother | Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus |
| Jesus H. Christ: The 56th president of the US | Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware |
| Jesus Harold Christ: Cowboy and knife-fighter | Your own: Personal Jesus |
| Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes! | ¿Qué?: Jesús |
| Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere! | Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus |
| Ultra Jesus: All Jesii wrapped into one | Back with a vengeance! Zombie Jesus |
| Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming! | Rawr! Raptor Jesus |
| Paperclip Jesus: Lord of Office Supplies! | Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus |
Apple Product Range
| iPods: | iPod - iPod Shuffle - iPod Mini - iPod Nano - iPod Yocto - iPod Yotta - iPod Macro - iPod Invisa - iPod mono - iPod Lo-Fi - iPod floppy - iPod chair - iPod Car - iPod IV - iPod Slim - iPod Huge - iCan't Believe It's Not iPod - iCan't Believe It's Not Butter |
| iDevices: | iMac - iNuke - iRon - iMath - iHamster - iRaq - iSuicide - iPoop - iOwa - iRak - iRan - iEyes - iBladder - iClothes - iBrows - iRack - iDiot |
| iHardware: | Cheese graters - Cast Spell Key - Applesauce - MacBook - MacBook Air - Euroipods - triPod - ehPod - YouPod - IHenge - iEarth |
| iSoftware: | iTunes - iMovie - Linux (Only For Mac) - Mac OS X - Mac OS 10.5 - Mac OS Y |
| i3rd Party Mods: | iPod Nano 200gb Instructions - üPod - phonePod - Video iPod Nano U2 HD - iTrip - Hacking the iPhone |
| iGaming: | iBox360 - iTari -General Grievous - iPodore 64 - iPodendo - iBoy |
| iLlnesses: | Neuroipods |
| iFelonies: | iFraud |
| iReligion: | Cult of Apple |
