I want a cookie
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| You dare bring light to my lair? You must die! |
“I didn't write this.”
~ Cookie Monster on this article
“I fight for my friends.”
~ A made-up Oscar Wilde quote
“i can has cookie?”
~ Lolcat oncheezburgerscookies
Can I have a cookie? I'm really hungry, and my sweet tooth is threatening to post naked pictures of me on his blog. No, really! I'm not making this up!
Contents |
[edit] History
Since the dawn of time, mankind has had a sweet tooth. Cookies were one of the first foods created by God to feed this need for sugary delights. Ancient records show that a man named Steve was the first to have a fetish for cookies, and suffered from what is called "Cookie Withdrawal." If he did not have his daily dozen cookies, he would start to babble utter nonsense. One day, he accidentally ate 1,337 cookies and a sploded. Nobody has ever suffered from "Cookie Withdrawal" since.
[edit] Diabetes is a sham.
“I believe it is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual presentations on how dangerous it is, as a predicate for opening up the audience to listen to what the solutions are, and how hopeful it is that we are going to solve this crisis.”
~ Al Gore onglobal warmingdiabetes
Diabetes is a purported affliction which supposedly occurs when one has WAY too much sugar. Symptoms include sluggish behavior, delayed reflexes, foaming at the mouth, acting like a Grue, and death. But contrary to popular belief, it is nothing but LIES! This guy who lives next door was diagnosed with diabetes, and he's perfectly fine! It's surprising that there are so many people who care! In conclusion, eating too many cookies will NOT cause diabetes.
[edit] Will it spoil your dinner?
This is a common excuse used by several parents, all who want the cookies to themselves. One conspiracy theorist has suggested that it was the father who took the last cookie. He claims it was the Gnomes, but he's in denial.
