Ian McKellen
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Sir Ian Rupert Eduardo McKellen (born 1855, in Bangladesh), is a kind-hearted yet powerful wizard, who has became well-known for his flamboyant homosexual tendencies, far-right political views and staunch refusal to let anything pass.. He also puts on a notable fireworks show in the Shire every year for Bilbo Baggins's birthday party.
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[edit] Early life
He worked as a clerk for a vegetarian butcher for 2 years, before moving to Britain in 1902. He then took up acting for four years at the Society of Language, until he realised he was at the wrong school. He then transferred to the even lesser known School of Unacedemic Acting. He was the first Scholar from said school to work on a movie set.
[edit] Film career
[edit] Early setbacks
Actually he started raping little Indian bitches with his ass. Although some believe this as impossible he used his newfound powers from the character Magneto. He then proceeded to start many prostitution rings which some believe as a set back to this he replied "PISS ON MY FACE!". His first movie was a straight to DVD release entitled "BIG BUTT, SO WHAT?". It was wildly unpopular, and was later sued by Britanny Spears for improper use of his ass. Trying to redeem his now almost black-listed name, McKellen wrote and produced his own movie entitled "If I weren't not a straight man" and damaged his reputation more, for confusing the public.
[edit] Magical solution
His reputation was in tatters, and the one solution to this problem was obvious: cast a load of spells on the most prominent studio executives, casting directors and Hollywood producers. This worked "a treat", according to McKellen, and soon he was strutting his stuff on the big screen in a camp fashion and for all to see.
[edit] Death
Sir Ian McKellen later committed suicide when he saw a group of beautiful women rushing to meet him, but sadly they were only a rampaging group of feminists, trying to get autographs. The cause of death was undetermined, as he faked his own death.
McKellen will always be remembered fondly, for his toothless smile, mole-coated nose, and beer belly the size of a dump truck.
[edit] Resurrection
Sir Ian came back to life in time for the beginning of pre-production on latest cash-in The Hobbit, which will be directed by Guillermo del Toro, and is rumoured to be paying all of it's stars "an absolute fuckin' colossal wedge of lolly" (source - Gollum's agent). When he rose from the grave, he glowed in the dark, gave an exclusive interview to The Tattler and married Morgan Freeman.
[edit] Trivia
- Ian McKellen and Christopher Lee are the same actor, as you would never get more than one British actor in a blockbuster Hollywood movie. The same applies to Patrick Stewart.
- Has a pet alligator. Whenever it gets hungry, Sir Ian simply magics some food into it's gator belly.
- Had an affair with Ricky Gervais somehow, despite the two of them being single at the time.
Contact Ian McKellen:
422 Fakestreet West, Bangledesh, Brazil P3N1S
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