Ice cream
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“I scream, you scream, we all scream near Michael Jackson!”
~ American Children on Michael Jackson
“99... thats 30 worse than 69”
~ the Pedofinder General on 99 ice creams
“Soften up, or else I'll nuke you!!”
~ George Dubya Bush on Ice cream
“I don't like ice cream... it's TOO COLD!”
~ Ross from Friends on Ice cream
“It's like... an endless insult to the higher classes”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ice cream
“I like it to cool myself down after a session of hot sex...”
~ Bobby Jr. on Ice cream
“Yum... Methamphetamine and Cream”
Ice cream is a creamy white substance ejaculated from a cows uterus and is blended with fermenting rats and a wee bit of Ryan Jenkins hair ice fruit, except for McDonald's ice cream, which is made from dead fluorescent light bulbs. Similar to coconut milk, ice cream is thicker and creamier. It is often cold, but can also be fried, as in fried ice cream, in which case it is warm, but in liquid form. Ice Cream is also somewhat related to the Dairy queen faggots organization.
The ancient Chinese hailed ice cream as a magical cure for female depression. They believed the more ice cream you ate, the higher level of warlock you were. Many ancient rock paintings and sculptures depict nude women sitting on a boulder couch with a stone tub of ice cream crying. Modern medicine has discredited this tradition and informed the general public that it is society's fault for making women fat, disgusting and depressed as they age, rather than the common misconception of any possible link to unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle. Some scientists believe that ice cream may in fact be the cure for cancer. Although no trials have been successful, they enjoy the texture as they spit or swallow it.
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[edit] History of Ice Cream
Ice cream was accidentally invented by a level 2 warlock in 200 A.D. He was getting off to his friends mother when he began to shout incantations with his moans. A gleaming spark shot out of his dick and landed in a cup of coffee. Being the first time he ever successfully ejaculated, he froze that cup of coffee. This is the tasty treat you eat today.
Chinese explorers passing through the Volga region of Russia in the 11th Century AD came across a disparate group of people who claimed to be the descendants of Vikings who never got told where Alaska actually was. In exchange for the secret of Communism, the semi-Vikings taught the Chinese how they had manufactured ice cream. The Chinese took the secret back to their homeland, where they promptly left it lying around for European explorers to steal. The Chinese claimed that they had known about ice cream since 387 BC, which was a blatant lie. Since then, it has always been incorrectly assumed that the Chinese invented ice cream. Of course, this misconception has recently been corrected with the discovery that Chinese are too lactose intolerant to digest ice cream easily given their digestive systems are more finely tuned for non-dairy products after centuries of eating chicken testicles and tiger penises.
However, some scientists in Western Norway have recently come up with a theory that no-one invented ice cream. Apparently it fell out of the milky way from cow's defects. This is what happens when a cow gets a cold, and rather than producing milk, it produces milk in ice form. The fall from the milky way to earth churned the frozen milk up and made ice cream. This is the cause of the ice age, but it was in fact enjoyed by all who partisipated apart from the dinosaurs, because they were latose intorlereant and thus, became extinct.
This theory is being shunned by all major authorities apart from one, the Institute for kleptomatic Convusion of Hokey-Pokey Flavoured Ice Cream(I.K.C.H.P.F.I.C for short) which states that this theory coinsides with their idea of hokey-pokey being parts of the planet hoikus poikus, which was destroyed in 10294702356BC
[edit] Häagen-Dazs
In modern times, it is widely accepted that ice cream is awesome. In 1961, the Häagen-Dazs brand was started in New York by Norwegian dairy farmer Ole Haagenson and Hungarian businessman Count László von Dázs-Fehérvár. The umlaut is the first known case of using spurious diacritics in advertising, and eventually evolved into the heavy metal umlaut.
It is important not to confuse the dessert, ice cream, with a hair care product of similar name (see Vanilla Ice Cream) known to be used by once-famous bastard white rap artist, Vanilla Ice, to keep his hair looking so good.
Haagen dazs is made of margarine,toothpaste, horse radish and bubble bath.
[edit] Ice Cream Freaks
Sometimes, a person who has continuously consumed ice-cream may become an Ice-Cream Freak. An ice-cream freak goes wild when they see an ice-cream anywhere.
[edit] How to test if you are an ice-cream freak
Look at this picture. What is the first thing you noticed? If you said the ice-cream, you may be an ice-cream freak. If you said anything else, you're normal.
