Ice Cream Flavors Not in the Top 100
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“*Gasp* all the flavors that were not meant to be tasted by mortal tongues!”
~ Homer Simpson on this list
“Lulz this list is teh pwnz0rs!”
~ n00b on this list
“These flavors are really bad”
~ Captain Obvious on this list
Some flavors, oddly, seem to consistently and constantly miss the top 100 flavors offered in any ice cream parlor. Perhaps they would gain popularity if free samples of these delicious organic ice creams were offered.
Contents |
[edit] Vegetable flavors
Everybody knows how detrimental vegetables (and their high content of vitamins) are to your health. But we also know what is not healthy for you tastes great! Please won't you try our latest veganilicious flavors:
- Broccoli Swirl - Vanilla soy ice cream with delicious swirls of pureed broccoli stems.
- Spinach Supreme - M,m,m,m,m green! This concoction is sure to stick between your front teeth. A favorite of Popeye.
- Three Bean Delight - Sets you free. This multi-bean cream is whipped with air to produce rare element Fartium. It's to be joyfully released into the wild shortly after snacking on this indulgent treat.
- Canned Pea Souffle - This dream cream has that special tinny, mushy taste that can't be beat.
- Beet Fantasia - You just can't stop saying, "Made with shredded and pureed pickled beets, it's guaranteed to stain your teeth and tongue a perfect purply pink!"
- Brussel Sprout Surprise - Your mom's favorite ice cream.
- Squash Sherbet - A favorite succulent sorbet of Squash players. Contains steroids.
- White Wasabi Chocolate - The perfect 5-alarm dessert for a stunning sushi meal.
- Carrot Cranberry Fruitcake - Served only around the winter holidays, it's the regift that keeps on giving.
- Tofu Custard - Guaranteed to make you the luckiest person at the potluck.
- Ravishing Radish - Made with only strong and fierce radishes this iconic desert inspired Viking and pirate raids in medieval and colonial times! Contains viagra.
- Rutabaga-Turnip-Parsnip Crunch - Made with diced, sliced, chopped and julienned winter root vegetables and roots. M,m,m,m,m good!
- Mixed Pepper Pow - A chopped mix of the following peculiar peppers: cayenne, jalapenos, tabasco, habanero, jack and bell. Seasoned with black and white pepper.
[edit] Fungi flavors
- Mossnificent - Rolling ice cream gathers no moss so we unrolled it and let it gather moss.
- Lichen candy - fresh lichens are soaked 24 hours in the sugar solution, then buried for a week to harden the texture, then dug up, powdered and added to the frozen cream to make this ice cream.
- Toad-drool - Dissected frogs legs and grated toadstools are blended with curdled milk and the saliva of toads to create this wondrous mixture of flavors.
- Shroom - Created by laxative-treated cats who poop in empty rooms which are kept untouched until fungi begins to blossom. The high-end Shroom ice creams are gathered from lion poop, or Halle Berry poop.
- Molderberry - peppermint ice cream with lots of mold covered berries (there may or may not be any berry left under the mold so every bite is a new taste sensation).
[edit] Mineral flavors
- Delicious diamond - This ice cream is a girl's best friend. Present it to your girlfriend for a reaction you will never forget. Guaranteed to break all your teeth while eating.
- Pearlescent Pearl - With whole and crushed pearls for a shiny tongue and cracked teeth.
- Crunchy gravel - Preferred by SUV drivers with a crunch you'll never forget. Known to provoke road rage.
- Golddiggers fools-gold - Preferred by the paparazzi while chasing limos. OOH Look - Shiny!
- Lead - "If it doesn't kill you, then you're God!"
- Vanilla Copper - Made out of half vanilla ice cream and the rest big helpings of copper wiring (a favorite of electricians).
- Tin(foil) Roof - Vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts, fudge swirls and tinfoil confetti.
- Silver Lining - Moca Ratan ice cream with tiny barbed silver caltrops that will impale you stomach and line it with silver.
[edit] Animal flavors
- Liver and Onions special - Just like your mom used to make you eat when you were young.
- Spamtastic - this flavor once won the award for Most Likely to be Sculpted rather than Eaten. Also inspired a number of email virii.
- Infidel Fried Chicken - Why settle for baked or boiled when you can have FRIED infidels? Inspired several jihads.
- Escargot Ecstacy - This delicious flavor will make your insides crawl at a snails pace. Offered only in France.
- Slug Suprize - These slugs didn't see us coming and were very surprised to find themselves dumped in a vat of ice cream. The next French taste craze.
- Seymour's Semen - Who is Seymour? Not me, not you, and nobody that anyone knows but the guy who stuck it in. It is rumored to be some guy with a last name of Butts.
- Termite Crumble - with a whole nest of real termites just after they crumbled a whole building. Warning: do not eat in wooden buildings.
- Angelic Arachnid - frozen spiders - the next great taste sensation!
- Lutefisk - A Scandinavian favorite.
- Minkey Tracks - Banana Ice cream with peanuts and roasted Minkey toenails.
- Kitten - cocaine flavored ice cream with chocolate covered kittens. The most huffed ice cream in the world (brain freeze here I come).
- Scrumptious Shrimp Sherbet- An allegedly mouth watering blend of shrimp taste and ice cream texture!
- Micecream- Mice found in only the finest knotholes ground up in a blender, with the ground up mouse stirred in to flavourless ice cream. The bones make a great crunchy texture!
[edit] Other flavors
- Poo - You saw it coming.
- Soylent Green Semen ice cream - see image at right. Remember kiddies, stem cells are GOOD for you!
- Fresh mowed dandelion with grass clippings - The grass clippings add just the right mulch of flavor when mixed with the dandelion roots, stems, leaves, and flowers. Side effects: has been known to cause dandelion sprouting out the ears.
- Vomit Vavoom - a refreshing blend of regurgitation.
- Light Beer - You must be under the age of 18 and over the age of 21 at the same time to consume this flavor.
- Earwax Appeal - earwax-flavored jellybeans are diced and blended into non-fat frozen soy milk.
- Exciting Excrement - a delightful blend of Number 2 and Number 3 from a variety of species. Shaken vigorously in a frenzy of excitement, then frozen for private consumption.
- Kitty Litter crunch - makes the perfect appetizer while kitten huffing.
- Pee Nut Butter - Only the choicest nuts were permitted to pee into this rich, buttery ice cream.
- Plywood Platitudes - Plywood splinters add just the right touch of sharpness to this delicious ice cream.
- Lemon Slime - Lemons are gently blended with ectoplasm from ghosts of 100 haunted houses.
- Booger Banana - The perfect ice cream for the Banana-Brained
- Hemp Hemp Hooray - Warning: do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery after eating. Do not perform tasks that require an attention span larger than a flea and do not perform in public after eating this ice cream. May cause failure of random urine tests and subsequent loss of job.
- Orange Shitbert - Made from the excrement and pureed feathers of the extremely rare and endangered orange Bert bird which sheds orange excrement.
- Grue-flavored You can only open this can in complete darkness. Once you do, you will be eaten by a grue.
- Clag - Clag flavoured ice cream! Made out of flour and children's tears.
- I Scream Ice Cream - when the container is opened, an inanimate object pops out at one, causing one to scream. No actual ice cream was harmed in the making and consumption of this flavor.
- Pink Fiberglass Insulation - Black cherry ice cream with swirls of pink fiberglass. The fiberglass not only adds texture but prevents brain freeze.
- Grapefruit - Wear goggles when eating this ice cream because when you jam a spoon into the ice cream it will squirt you in the eye.
- Nitrous Oxide - Hollow spheres of chocolate hold the nitrous until bitten into. The nitrous is then inhaled and you get that dentist office high. Recommended by 11 out of 10 dentists!
- Whipped Cream - This is just refrigerated whipped cream on a cone with chocolate or rainbow sprinkles with a cherry on top.
- Jizz - This may one day break into the top 100.
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