If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

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A fallen tree. I wonder if it made a sound when it fell.
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β€œYes, it does. It goes "REEEEEER, CRASH BOOM RATTLE SWISHHHHHH TIMBERRRRRRRRR, DOONK.... then the deaf man says, "ouch"”

~ Oscar Wilde

So, If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Who in this world has not spent many a boring math lesson pondering this same question?[1] I myself am of the opinion that who ever first asked this question should be shot, despite the fact that they are undoubtedly already dead, although if there is any justice in the after-life, this person will receive no peace for the rest of eternity.

What sort of selfish question is this anyways? Just because we can't hear it, we ask whether it actually made a noise at all. What, is the noise made only for our benefit? Do the trees, realizing that we are present, decide that they will have to create some type of noise? Noise wasn't created just because we humans have ears - or was it?

We created the concept of noise, didn't we? And how can we know if a noise was made if we weren't there to witness it? It would be wrong to just assume, wouldn't it?

Through analyzing all angles of this particular query, I have arrived at conclusion. This is a load of taurus excrement. Anybody who has enough time to even care whether or not the tree made a fudging noise needs a gosh darn life. This obviously includes you, and unfortunately me also. Here is my suggestion - ask yourself whether you really give a flying pigrat's hairy purple bottom, and then move on.

The question is completely irrelevant anyway. I can think of a million more interesting things to think about, all which actually have answers, even though I don't know those answers either.[2]

Are dragons descended from dinosaurs or sea turtles? Why do pirates say Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh? Why is an orange called an orange? Was Pegasus a unicorn or a horse or a bird or halfway in between, or are unicorns the females and Pegasus the only male of the same species, which is why they died out? Why are smurfs blue and are they really asexual?

Why did the tree fall?

See also[edit]

These are trees. Together, they are a forest. Sometimes they fall.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ Just me? Oki doki then..
  2. ↑ I'm beginning to suspect that I'm not very good at the whole wise/spiritual answers, or any answers, actually.