Impa
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“She was the most unpleasant, obnoxious bitch I had ever slept with in my life.”
~ Oscar Wilde speaking of Impa.
“The Triforce of Wisdom "insert 'saying' of the Triforce of Wisdom here".”
~ Impa puts a great deal of faith in what inanimate objects say, such as when she says the Triforce says "the The King will safely return."
Impa is a fortune teller, previous dictator, and an idiot. She is a servant at Hyrule Castle.
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[edit] Character/Personality
Impa is morbidly obese, weak-minded, and practices a form of animism.
Oddly, she has gigantic hands and elongated fingers for unknown reasons.
Though low on intelligence, she acts as a valuable servant to the King, such as tricking him into going to Gamelon, making him believe the "Triforce of Courage" can protect him. The triforce was "a plastic piece of made-in-China shit.", says Impa.
[edit] Early Life
Impa's early life is entirely unknown. It is believed that she was a warrior of some sort of tribe, but these claims are disputed.
Her earliest rise to popularity came in 1932, when she was elected as Supreme Chancellor of Koridai, and, when she invaded Gamelon in 1935, changed Koridai into the "Third Reich". She was defeated by the combined efforts of Gamelon, Hyrule, and the Koridai Rebellion, and went into hiding, supposedly committing suicide. Her council, including Field Marshall Goronu, General Glutko, and Brigadier-General (the Royal Duke) Onkled, went into hiding in "the Faces of Evil", a group of fortresses constructed by the Third Reich, and so-called because Impa was supposedly told by the Triforce to call the fortresses this name.
[edit] Escape to Hyrule
Impa came out of hiding in the 1960s. In order to support herself, she ran a drug cartel selling "Dinner" (pot) and "Dodongos" (PCP)
After securing enough money, she had plastic surgery, and began life anew as "MIchAel P. Jackson" (pictured). Notice how several of the letters spell "Impa".
She made several popular music records, but when targeted by a rival drug gang, run by Morshu, she was forced to flee again.
[edit] Life in Hyrule
Impa, after going through another plastic surgery operation, finally entered Hyrule and turned herself in, admitting to being the dictator Impa.
Though Gwonam and Link wanted her dead, the King allowed to live. However, she had to scrub all the floors in Hyrule and become a permanent servant at Hyrule Castle.
However, several years after she returned to Hyrule, the people of the world began to wonder where she was. After several rebellions and even a revolt in Hyrule and Gamelon, the Hyrulian and Gamelonian Parliaments sent a task force from Gamelon to find her. She payed her staff at her mansion (where she had lived as Michael P. Jackson) to say she died of cardiac arrest. A fake body was put in the mansion, and the staff told the public he became a shut-in to make a surprise musical performance in London. She also payed the servants to hide the body so they would never figure out it was fake.
The "disappearance of Michael P. Jackson's body" sparked controversy and debate in Hyrule, Gamelon, and Koridai.
