Indians

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“Where's the curry?”

~ Christopher Columbus on arriving in the American Indies

“Thank you, come again!”

~ Apu

“Thank you, cum again!”

“We don't say "Oh my god", we say "Oh my gods"!”

~ Pranesh

“I remember my summer home in Indians”

~ Tamia

“Mister Simpson, please do not offer my god a peanut.”

~ Apu on Homer's attempt to curry favor with Ganesh
Turns out Einstein was actually Indian. Could've fooled me.

Indians, as the name implies, originate from India. East Indians have always bragged about their high IQ's, in fact they are so advanced that they still bathe and drink from the fecal and corpse infested rivers of the Ganges and worship its waters. Once a curry dothead always a curry dothead. India having the highest rate of leprosy, it is safe to say that leprosy did in fact come from this shit-stained country, where it spread to all parts of Asia and Africa afflicting the Dutch assholes who tried to colonize that continent (leprosy does have its uses). If you have ever wondered about the 'kikes' of Asia and who they truly are, LOOK NO FUTHER!! They're the East Indians. Indians of course being the unholy union between the dravidic negritic tribes and semites (Iranians/Persian, yeah those so-called Northern Indians. Other high-IQ acts of savagery include burning their wives ALIVE!!! if their husbands die before them...etc..etc...bla bla bla the fucking list goes on and on.

The much rarer "Native American Indian", a distant cousin of the Indiasaur

Indians, or Indiansaurs are commonly confused with their much rarer relative, the "Native American". Indians are considered to be beautiful creatures who marry withing their own race so as to preserve their beauty. Indian girls are not sl*ts and are extremely shy.To approach them you need to approach their parents first, then the brothers (if any) then only you can court them.

Etymology[edit]

India comes from the Roman word "indiana" meaning "brown people" not to be confused with "Indiana Jones" or "Harry Potter."

Indians, Red Indians and Injuns[edit]

Indians, have developed a unique lifestyle unlike any other human being on this entire earth. Most indians migrate southwest from their native homeland of Indiana to the shity of Saint Louis, Misery. From that moment on the species typically go through a transition phase where they are then known as “Hoosiers” or "Trailer-Trash". Hoosiers are usualy found over crowding top-notch retial stores such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, some have even been spotted at “Target”. These assholes are famous for also overcrowding fine dining restaurants such as Steak and Shake, Jack in the Box, as well as Hardees. Usualy throughtout the entire year of every year, or any season, these native americans will sport a wife-beater, jean shorts with holes, and tube socks.

Indians call themselves "Red people", in order to join the colored peoples' movement to whine, gain attention, for welfare checks and get affirmative action in job hiring or college admission, but unlike Asians they get huge scholarships because there are only three surviving with enough pure blood.

Many people will confuse rednecks and your mom and Indians as the same thing, while in reality, they are about as similar as Swiss cheese and Head cheese.

Dictionary.com will describe Indians as “Of or relating to any of the Native American peoples except the Eskimos, Aleuts, and Inuits”. Sometimes, Mexicans are included to the "Indian" category, and so does French Canadians.

Indians are known for their important contributions to the medical and IT fields, the public transportation industry, and distribution of preservative-laden "food"stuffs, since they are the only intelligent or educated people willing to work at gas stations and convenient stores. They are also known for their ancient traditions of hunting, fishing, gambling, arranged marriages, gathering, selling and overcharging for crappily made "authentic" souvenirs, farming, gambling, discovering new uses for buffalo, running our math departments, being pissed off, drinking, eating buffalo, drinking, fixing your computer, drinking, smoking, movie-making with emphasis on quantity over quality, smoking with drinking, smoking, gambling, shooting films that are 98.53% musical and 1.47% plot, gambling, drinking, watching TV, sitting in bars, drinking and getting killed by John Wayne.

Indians are chauvanists par excellence, believing what India has to offer no other country has and they may be right because the dirt and stench you will find in India you will find incomparable with any other place on the planet. Indians love to dance may it be weddings, parties or even at funerals. They look to make their girls dance with skimpy tight clothes and feel themselves proud when they see their girls dancing like whores to amuse foreigners.

Indians love animals too an example of it could the fact the Indians worship any animal as a god that seems respectable to them, their immense love for cows make love the urine of cows. Recently, Indian companies have introduced cow urine cola and it sales are sky rocketing.

Physiology[edit]

Yeah she looks cute, but realy she wants to eat your flesh and sacrifice your soul to Cuthulu Cthulhu

Indians also know as Nativus Pariahus can easily be distinquished from their more human cousins, Asians with suntans. Firstly, instead of bleeding blood when injured, their wounds ouse a high viscosity yellow luminous fluid.

India is a caste ridden and animal worshipping society with extremely superstitious nature. Indians love to get married and believe it sometimes brings luck and when a girl is considered unlucky or mangalik she is first to be married off to a monkey, tree or dog.

Indian dietary habits differ from Humans in that they only require alcohol for sustinance with the exception of human flesh on special ocasions. This they usualy attain from their local Bar where they spend 37 hours, 8 days a week at.

During World War II, newspapers used patriotic propaganda to unite all American people against Indians and other "Mongoloid" races, nearly the same way the Nazis' propaganda to unite all Aryans against the Jew or "Hebrew" races. One difference is U.S. soldiers after more drinks than a Red Indian can handle just beat the shit out of them, while the S.S. troops will shoot Jews like turkeys. Most Indian tribes later rose up against the American people, which caused the downfall of Obama. But it's in the past, so forget about it (note: DO NOT say this towards anyone who's an Indian).

Caste System[edit]

The biological composition of Indians seperate them into different castes. They also appear to make the predetermined to work in only the following jobs, all of which they do a shitty job of.

- Brahmins - Neurologists - Rulers and believe that they are Baghwan's best creatures who are their to rule and oppress low caste Hindus. The select few Indians will become great doctors. Well, they'll be great in their parent's eyes. Everyone else they're a douchbag. The last thing I want to hear from my doctor is "NAMASTE. I AM SORRY SIR, BUT I BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE CANCER."

- Patels - Three Subgroups: Patel is derived from the Latin word Patella, meaning kneecap, because the Patels' ancestors in India were collections agents for taxes and levies. Today, the Patel caste is known for its export of Patels to the US and UK where they have formed three subcastes:

--Dr Patel - Usually practicing in suburban emergency rooms or in urban Medicaid mills, these Patels are descended from goat shamans in Gujarat. Their diagnostic skills are far lower than those of the Brahmin Neurologists, to whom an occasional Dr Patel is sometimes apprenticed to learn how to really beat the insurance system. Their simple-to-pronounce surname is offset by a multisyllabic first name that contains the names of at least three Hindi gods or Indian independence heroes - a typical Dr Patel full name is Vishnaswamigandhinath Patel (male) or Subhaschandrabosekrishnalakshmi Patel (sari-clad male). Therefore, their shingles and even their license revocation orders show their names as "Dr. V. Patel, MD or Dr. S. Patel, MD (Revoked)."

--7-11 Patel - Hard working but not especially creative; therefore they tend to buy convenience store franchises rather than start from scratch.

--Motel Patel - Hard working and very resourceful, Motel Patels start off with truck stops that rent rooms by the hour and then progress to clean franchise or self-standing operations after a few years in the United States.

- Kshitataritassratrias - Tech Support - Mercenaries of Brahmins. Not that anyone can understand them, but they seem to have an automatic attraction to these magic talking devices. It is theorized that Indians are only capable of performing this task because of their large intake of "spiciolioliolioliolous", a form of curry that is dominant in all their dishes. This is what gives them the high pitched, squeaky voice and blatent disregard for the customer's problems.

- Vaisyas - Spelling Bee Champion - When will they give our white kids a break? Apparently when you live in a city with a name that is twenty syllabuls, you're probably gonna know the spelling of the word 'perfunctory'.

- Shoedras - Convenience Store Clerk - First proven by Apu from the popular hit show Seinfled, Indians were originally thought to be incapable of this task as well. However, with this ground breaking step for Indians, many have stepped up and now run our everyday lives through their sales of sugary products and ice.

- Untouchables - Taxi Drivers- Orginally in disguise as a land based porpoise, these first few Indians were daring men, braving the cold and 1970's hippies. Ever afraid of public transportation, they established the underground railroad to transfer one family and its inumerous children from Florida back to Indiana where they originated. Hindus believe that untouchables can make your food become impure if they look at it.

Mating Habits[edit]

Indian mating rituals are said to differ from typical habits. In order to conceive, the brave must kill 3 buffalo with a rock, skin them, and proceed to nail his squaw(s) using said buffalo hides as a bed (hair side up!!) Also, the back seat removed from an old blue car (preferably a 1980s Camaro) makes a grand place for Indians to reproduce.

A whiskey bottle (consumed some hours beforehand) and a flight of stairs, used in conjunction, are a very common form of birth control for Native Americans, as is whiskey. Common side effects of whiskey-related birth control include FAS (free alcohol syndrome) and Indian youngsters shouting "I'm an Indian, gimme gimme gimme!"

In the Canadian provinces, it is rumoured that if a Caucasian male sleeps (has sex with) and Indian girl, said Caucasian male's grandfather (Irish or not) shall receive his/her status card, which entitles the cardholder to cheap gasoline, smokes, education, smokes, and golf, according to traditional use. Also, one can now sell fish at below market value, and buy a case of Budweiser for his/her efforts.

Types of Indians[edit]

White people and Indians have always got on

Stats[edit]

  • 87% of natives drink on an hourly basis.
  • 93% of natives are unemployed.
  • 89% of natives get all of their income from the government.
  • 76% of native males are named "Jordan" or "Jordy".
  • 91% of natives smoke and grow pot.
  • 100% of natives are disliked by the world out side their reserves.
  • 50% of natives own casinos.
  • 98% of natives are obese.
  • 99.5% of natives are usually Cherokee.
  • 540% are named varsha.
  • 23.7% own a shirt that states: "HOMELAND SECURITY. Fighting Terrorism since 1492".
  • 44.4% have given up any hope to solving our "immigration problem".
  • 86.4% have been told, "Funny, you don't look like an Indian."
  • 66.6% have been told, "My great-great-great-grandmother was an Indian princess."
  • 33.3% have been asked, "Do you still live in a tipi?"
  • 83.1% have heard others say, "I thought you guys were getting rich off of casino money."
  • 38.9% get sick of hearing, "I got me a dreamcatcher."
  • 96% get tired of being asked, "So how much Indian are you?" as if being Indian was a matter of fucking percentages.
  • 69% respond by saying (while holding their crotch), "Mostly I'm white, but the part of me you can't see is all Indian."
  • 69% of male Indians have responded by saying, "Yes, I have a little Indian in me. Would you like a little Indian in you?"
  • 17% of Indians live in India.

How to make a native name[edit]

  • Male: Jordy/Jordan_______verb then creature or object related to nature
  • example: Jordy Jumpingfeather

See Also[edit]

Spork.jpg This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia.




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