Indonesia

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NKRI (Negara Korupsi Republik Indonesia)
Corruptive State of Indonesia

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika" "Together in Racism"
Anthem: "Indonesia Payah" "Mediocre Indonesia"
Capital	Bali (main)
Previous capital	Bali
Largest city	Bali
Official languages	Indonesia
Government	Corruptive Democracy
President Vice President	Joe Jakarta Suharto
Other languages	Broken English Mispronounced Arabic Incorrect Mandarin Erroneous Japanese
Major Exports	Smog, Islands, Jihad Warriors, female workers, culture to Malingsia, anti-malay indons
Major Imports	Pirated DVDs, Japanese Hentai, Chinese, anti-indon Malays
National Hero(es)	Sukarno, Suharto, Tukul Arwana, Super-Semar, Kuntilanak, Pocong, President Ahmad Dhani and the Indonesian Peter Pan.
Declaration of Independence	1800 from Dutch Merchants with Guns 1811 from the Dutch with Guns 1815 from the Lost British Fleets 1942 from the Dutch Immigrants 1945 from the Nippon Gundam Army 1949 from the Dutch Capitalists 1965 from Sukarno 1998 from Suharto
Currency	Bribe Money
Religion	10% Suicidal and Extremist Muslims 10% Infidels(Including Liberal and Moderate Islam) 80% money-hunter
Population	250 million babies per second
Internet TLD	(Indomie Telor Kornet)The best in the state
Calling code	666

Indonesia is a corrupt third world country whose 250 million proudly barbaric inhabitants insist that they are living in a developed country. It is known for corruption, sloth, terrorism, poverty, as well as discount prostitution. Indonesia shares many features with the United States, particularly since the latter has just experienced a third Bush term.

Most Indonesians practice a boilerplate form of Islam which encourages terrorism. Indonesia, including Bali, is also a popular tourist destination during the seasons when terrorists are away on vacation in Australia. Even during peak terrorist seasons (January-December), Indonesia remains a popular destination for suicidal obese inbred Australian tourists who are hoping to wind up on the gallows for having a small amount of marijuana residue stuck in their shoe tread.

[edit] History

Legendary king Java Man, before and after his holy mutation

Archaeological excavations have proven that Indonesian prehistory consisted mostly of ruins, skeletons, broken pottery, and fraudulent archeological discoveries. According to current evidence, Indonesian "civilization" started when the first Indonesian king, the Java Man, suddenly evolved from a prehistoric hominid into a human being around 300 BCE.

[edit] Ancient Kingdoms

In 550 AD, the young Indian prophet Sakdip prognosticated "hear me ye vile customers! Karma will punish you one day!" Indonesians in Surya Tatamungil responded with deriding laughter.

Indonesia was initially united under the kingdom of Surya Tatamungil, whose name translates into "Sun Microsystems." This kingdom is the origin of the Java language, since stolen by Indian data entry keyboard monkeys . Surya Tatamungil stole adopted the culture of early Indian civilization around 500 AD. The ancient Indians charged Indonesians royalties for the use of Indian innovations and ancient Bollywood books, especially the Kama Sutra. However, the Indonesians had already discovered and developed corruption sciences and so never paid their bills, pretending to have never received them. Indian call centers continued to harass Indonesians for their overdue bills, but the Indonesians dodged the bills by feigning inability to understand the Indians' bad pseudo-Victorian feigned English. This treachery bankrupted the ancient Indian Empires, causing widespread poverty in India that continues to this day.

Indonesia eventually became a major trading post in the ancient world, especially to facilitate trade between the Australian Empire and the Roman Empire. Contact with Indonesians subsequently bankrupted both empires, even boomeranging Australia back to the stone age. Major commodities from Indonesia today include spices (cloves, marijuana, cilantro, and spice girls) and slave labor.

[edit] Dutch Colonialism

Attracted by abundant cheap domestic servants, the promise of clogs made from exotic woods and women without nipples the size of hamburger patties, the Dutch attempted to invade Indonesia using windmill-powered ships which tipped over and sank. The sailors sank as well since they were wearing newly purchased ebony wooden shoes. After switching to ordinary ships and shoes, the Dutch eventually conquered Indonesia, establishing the Dutch East Indies to monopolize the drug and sex trade. This legacy of success is evident in the culture of Netherlands today.

[edit] Gundam Battle Assault

「インドちゃんたちが本当に可愛いでありますね！我輩も好きであるよ。。。」Hideki Tojo spoke favorably of Indonesian girls.

In 1942, during the period of Great Happiness and Prosperity, Indonesia was colonized liberated and guided by the Glorious Empire of Dainippon Teikoku as part of the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Since then, thousands of Gundams patrol the borders of Indonesia.

Japan, being a nation full of horny old fart and perverts honorable samurai and courageous patriotic soldiers, deported astounding numbers of Indonesian girls for sexual slavery lucrative employment opportunities. The resulting shortage of working women potential female employees devastated the Indonesian economy. The new government of Japan rerets the damage done to the Indonesian economy, and has agreed to provide Indonesia with [[Hentai as a form of sincere apology.
(this section is apploved by intelim Impelial Nippon censule buleau)

Sukarno's draft of the Indonesian declaration of Independence. Sukarno was a renown orator in his time. This is a rare privilege to witness the masterpiece in the making.

An Indonesian named Sukarno successfully announced a declaration of Indonesian independence. Since the Dutch thought it funny to kill any Indonesian who dared learn to read let alone form a government, Sukarno successfully nominated and voted for himself as president and subsequently won an absolute majority. By consensus of the masses, the chosen form of government at the time was absolute dictatorship. Sukarno also developed and propagated his ideology of Pancasila (lit. "the [chicken of] five spices"), inspired by the sight of his wife cooking fried chicken. (Pancasila doctrine also helped Indonesia resist the vile influences of KFC at that time.) Thus, under the auspices of Pancasilaist dictatorship, Indonesia was born as a modern country in August 1945. Sukarno celebrated his victory by humping a Japanese girl named 根本七保子.

This segment of history is paid for by KFC. KFC. We do chicken right. Finger Lickin' Good. Try our new 3-piece chicken combo meal! Available in a KFC near you.

This is not a very good map.

[edit] 1949 Invasion

In 1949, President Sukarno declared war on the war-torn Netherlands to assert Indonesian independence. The irritated Dutch responded by launching an invasion of Easter Island due to faulty maps they had picked up at a Belgian petrol station run by Pakistanis. After negotiations, the Dutch agreed to leave Easter Island as long as Indonesia provided cheap prostitutes and methamphetamines .

Sukarno enjoyed fine arts in his spare time.

[edit] Orde Baru Empire

Being an otaku, Sukarno spent too much time alone with his arts instead of managing the newborn nation, and his leadership quality fell. Feeling alienated, the United Nations expelled Indonesia in 1960. Sukarno, lacking in social skills, attempted to appease the United Nations by calling them Perserikatan Bangsat-Bangsat ("United Bastards"). The UN was not amused and started to ignore Indonesia completely. Sukarno then ordered the invasion of Western Papua in 1961 to desperately draw international attention to Indonesia. The cost of the war drove the economy to hyperinflation, and Sukarno's approval rating plummeted. By 1965, the country was ideologically divided between monarchists and communists. The monarchists wished to restore the Kingdom of Indonesia and to crown the then-prince Suharto of the Orde Baru dynasty, while the communists intended to depose Sukarno from his Pancasilaist dictatorship and annex Indonesia to the Soviet Union. The adherents of Pancasila, loyal to Sukarno, consisted only a minority of Indonesian population and politicians at the time.

Sukarno (left) discussing the Supersemar with Prince Suharto Orde Baru (right) in 1963

In May 1965, secretly under Suharto's command, Indonesian communists attempted coup d'etat, killing seven prominent monarchist Indonesian generals and two Pancasilaist officers. In swift retaliation, Prince Suharto and the monarchists army batallions defeated the communist insurrection within two days and one night. The tired Sukarno issued the official declaration of Supersemar, named after the superhero Semar of Indonesian folklore. Supersemar officiated the retirement of Sukarno from the dictatorship as well as the restoration of Indonesian monarchy. Seeing this miracle, The loyal Indonesian masses crowned Suharto the God-Emperor of Indonesia. The humble Suharto declined the Imperial title, opting for a kingdom instead.

The advisors of Suharto forewarned that communism and capitalism were dangerous foreign ideologies that could only be deterred by the native ideology of corruption. The wise God-Emperor Suharto then declared the establishment of a new nation ambitiously dedicated to promote corruption throughout the country. The country is renamed Kerajaan Orde Baru, or "Kingdom of the New Order," reflecting the dynastic name of Suharto (His Majesty's birth name was Muhammad Suharto Orde Baru). With popular support, Indonesian communists across the country were instantly executed, effectively reducing the Indonesian population by 30%. Seeing that the Pancasilaists were harmless, the newly-crowned Suharto allowed all Pancasilaists to live and gain citizenship in the new kingdom, despite their anti-monarchy ideology.

[edit] Glorious Bankruptcy of 1998

In 1998 Indonesia's corruption policies triggered the Asian financial crisis. The crisis was triggered by outdated corruption practice that wasn't equipped to be ready for globalized corruption. Even pyramid and trapezoid schemes weren't enough. Soon, Indonesia and the rest of Asia ran out of things and people to steal from. Due to illegal financial speculation on heavily leveraged fraudulently obtained State credit wholly unpredicted currency fluctuations, Indonesians who ere dirt poor decided to vent their wrath at the Indonesian Chinese. The riots soon got out of hand when the Chinese responded by cooking massive amounts of food, which triggered fire and burned entire Chinatowns. To save face, the Chinese then quietly left for Singapore and Malaysia, because the government of PRC denies them access for "not being Chinese enough".

Enraged East Timorese condemned the overthrow of the gentle Orde Baru Kingdom.

[edit] Geography

Indonesia is composed of 17 million islands, of which fourteen are habitable. Most of Indonesia's 270 million people live on just two of the fourteen islands because all the gold, and easily-accessed petroleum is hidden here. Indonesia frequently attempts to occupy Borneo and Papua, and these two islands have given half their territory to Indonesia. Of course it's the half with the man-eating dragons, but it makes Indonesia look bigger on maps.

[edit] Bali and Jakarta

Main article: Bali

Indonesia's capital, Jakarta, is filled with dirt, feces, smog, criminals, trash, dust, noise, crappy electronics, half-dollar whores and other crap. In contrast, Bali is seen as paradise due to it's many red-light districts. In fact, according to one poll, most tourists prefer to pay for an expensive flight ticket to Bali, even traveling in the cargo hold, rather than be given a free ticket to Jakarta.

In 2007, the mayor of Jakarta ordered a mass cleanup to remove the 5 meters-tall layer of shit covering the city. Many city workers died from the stench. This depopulation measure has dramatically improved conditions in the city but, unfortunately, it turned out many homes in the city were constructed of cunningly painted cereal boxes.

[edit] Education

Indonesian school provides the first exposure for Indonesian children to the sciences of swearing,pornography and corruption, as proven by Indonesia's prestigious ranking in the Corruption Perceptions Index as well as statistical evidence of Internet pornography. Only 5% of Indonesians have access to the internet, yet 90% of the world's google searches for "Japanese Porn" originate in Indonesia.

The bureaucrats in Ministry of Education constructed the academic curriculum by randomly throwing darts at scattered proposal sheets and by consulting local fortune tellers. Indonesian teachers are encouraged to constantly assign useless homework in such huge amounts and difficulty that students sometimes actually explode.

[edit] Tawuran

Fundamental exercises in Tawuran.

Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the permanent effects of self-immolation performed by the instructors.

[edit] Demonstrations

Starting at age 12, all Indonesian students are required to participate in demonstrations and protests, usually on a weekly basis. By the end of high school, students have participated in demonstrations or protests for and/or against almost any imaginable issue or non-issue. Students are expected to demonstrate or protest as ordered, even against themselves. It is not uncommon for students to carry signs with messages such as "Down With Me" or "Students Suck". By college-age, many students have actually attacked themselves and administered self-beatings or had hunger strikes against themselves or even against food itself.

[edit] Indonesian Student Code of Conduct

• Honor corruption by cheating on all tests, even if you actually know the answers
• Flatter the teacher by offering them oral sex
• Show a spirit of cooperation by coordinating cheating in exams and after-school orgies
• Participate in Demonstrations and Strikes at least once per week

[edit] How to Succeed in Indonesian Classes

• Staple a 50,000 Rupiah note (US$5) to your assignment before handing in.
• Staple a 100,0000 Rupiah note to submitted assignments (some teachers are getting very strict now).
• Lift (female students) skirt to (male) teachers before handing in assignments.

[edit] Military

There are many armies in the world, some strong, some weak, and Indonesia definitely has one of them, fully equipped with ancient Indonesian magical spells. The might of the Indonesian army is used to bully sniveling brave neighbors such as Australia, Malaysia, East Timor, West Papua, Aceh, and Singapore. The Indonesian army, collectively named ABRI (Assassins and Bandits of Republic of Indonesia), are best known for saving and comforting local populations, also known as "Operation Raping Local Women".

Strategists in the Indonesian Navy developed an ingenious naval tactic: suicidal ramming. The victims include Malaysian warships in international water, often deviously disguised by the evil Malaysian government with civilian markings, women and children, no weapons, and the misleading cries of "Wait! Don't shoot! We're really just tourists, for God's Sake! Stop it! Please!" No Indonesian captain has ever been fooled by such lies. Other targets include whatever ships and rowboats the Navy fancies ramming.

The highly-trained Indonesian Commando Special Forces (KOPASUS) have, to date, killed billions of criminals and suspicious persons, which is an amazing accomplishment, especially considering that there are only 250 million people in Indonesia.

[edit] Demographics

Indonesia's population is composed of diverse ethnic groups who constantly slaughter each other. The major ethnic groups are Javanese, Sundanese, Wobbliknees, Monkees, Chinkees Florida Keys, Alan Keyes, Cheese, and Dramaqueens. They all wear silly hats and smell funny.

A typical Indonesian woman. Indonesian women are very beautiful. Unfortunately, they are known to angrily bit off penises if denied sexual intercourse.

Marrying an Indonesian woman is ill-advised, unless one is a masochist or includes a pre-nuptial clause denying all forms of alimony.

[edit] Ethnic Groups

The majority of Indonesian live in fragrant slums, according to traditional Indonesian values. Some groups include:

• Preman: They like to finding trouble and bad fight.
• Alay: Not like those western Emos, they are disgusting and they're song are even more. Th3y 4l50 LikEZ T0 sp34K LIk3 TH3ze.
• Persija, Arema, Sriwijaya FC (Indonesian Soccer Freak): See hooligan
• Allah's Servants: They only like to say JIHAD!!! and Alhamdullilah!
• Maling and Jambret: Watch out in backalley, they love to get your thing or don't forget to lock your doors if don't want your goods disappear tonight!
• and many more but I can't tell you

Now you already know what you want!! Want more?? Wait next week. (even not the original author edit this, still unless there isn't anybody out there edit this crap)

[edit] Minorities

Speciesism
Indonesian society has not just overcome racism, but they have also overcome speciesism, which in practice had been far more brutal than racism, as evident in other countries' treatment of non-humans. In Indonesia, the Dutch slaves [Pribumi/Local People] are given full citizenship and are free to roam the cities of Indonesia, particularly Jakarta. They also have the right to vote. Many of these obtain employment in the public sector, even serving in political parties and key government positions.

Undead Indonesians
Scientific research confirms that Indonesia is heavily populated by ghosts, sometimes referred to as "the undead" which basically means the same thing as "alive". This leads to a lot of confusion, but some creatures are semi-physical ectoplasms mingling with the living (or dying) population. Indonesian cities are swarming with such beings who often cannot afford housing. These ghosts inhabit schools, public toilets, parks, mediocre hospitals and, of course, cemeteries. Ironically many poor living (or dying) Indonesians live in cemeteries as well. Also, sometimes Indonesians use cemeteries to dispose of dead bodies that are too far gone to eat.

[edit] Economy

Frankly, the Indonesian economy is almost completely destroyed, mostly because their Politicians are stupid, lazy, or corrupt (usually it's all three). As a result, poor Indonesians are considered rich in Indonesia and the really poor are considered middle class.

Unluckily these so-called high-classed people haven't come to Indonesia for their rescue mission as they find a new interest in Vietnam's instant soup noodle which is licensed under Quoc Anh & Co. and Singapore's Lakuasimi. Hence the economy of Indonesia which was brilliantly damaged by garrulous Jonas, a real d***head, now has fallen deeper into Hell.

[edit] Tourism

If you are a tourist, then come to Indonesia! Everything is cheap here: cheap hotels, cheap games, cheap foods, cheap women, cheap babies, cheap head, cheap neck; everything is cheap! Just remember that you, as a tourist, may be beheaded, hanged, or killed in a terrorist act at any time for any or no reason. Though a bill for your organ removal will be sent to your embassy.

[edit] Occupations

Some popular non-prostitution occupations in Indonesia include busking and panhandling. Most Indonesian street musicians are panhandlers, and vice versa. These panhandler-musicians sometimes scratch cars with coins out of spite. Related occupations include Extortionist of Money from Random Passing Cars and Professional Accident Victim.

Domestic servitude is a common occupation in Indonesia. Most domestic servants are females who live in small quarters in their masters' residence. The roles of domestic servants include cooking, cleaning, fellatio, anal intercourse, and corporate accounting.

Theft is also a popular occupation. However, Indonesians frown on getting caught while stealing. Apprehension is considered a major faux pas reflecting a serious lack of professionalism. The usual punishment for a thief is execution, though many thieves are pardoned if they pay a fine, as long as payment is made in the form of successfully stolen goods.

[edit] Exports

The primary exports from Indonesia are corruption, slave labor, and terrorism. Other exports include:

• Pollution and Garbage
• Human garbage
• worn flip-flops
• Garbage humans
• Corrupt officials for Switzerland and Singapore
• Cadavers of innocent Australian tourists accused of drug smuggling
• (flat) Boobs
• Prostitutes toMalaysia

[edit] Imports

Indonesia's main imports are pirated software and DVDs, financial aid, and recreational drugs. Other imports to Indonesia include:

• Made-in-China PlayStations to play pirated games
• Australian youth importing drugs into Bali (later re-exported to Australia as cadavers, courtesy of the government of Indonesia)
• Hummel figurines

[edit] Culture

To the Malaysians and Singaporeans, there is nothing that can honestly be considered culture in Indonesia. Mostly are money-worshiping and laziness (as a way of life). They're just jealous Indonesia has thousands of temples, and rules them like their prison-cell bitch.

[edit] Language

Most Malays speak a local dialect of Indonesian. Indoneisan is the defintive version of Malay, since Malay comes from the KFC Kingdom of Jambi in Palembang in Indonesia. Neighbouring Malaysians are too fucking stupid and Arabg anus-lickers culturally proud to bother pronouncing Malay correctly. These examples illustrate the linguistic divergence of Indonesian Malay from "King's Malay":

Indonesian Malay dialect originated from various grunts and rants uttered during sexual intercourse. In time, these unintelligible sounds evolved into a more sophisticated method of communication in which all participants pretend to understand each other.

Regardless of the origin, Indonesian is a very simple language. Some grammatical elements are absent, including personal pronouns, verbal adjectives, dangling modifiers, and dative conjunctions. Later development also discarded verbs, adjectives, nouns, and adverbs. These developments have been praised by expert linguists as "pretty cool, yo!" as they render the language very easy to learn. This trend has reversed. To add sophistication, most contemporary Indonesian literature inserted new grammatical features, such as dialectal expletive causal modal dative verbal third-person conjugative adjectival imperative constructs, as well as other more complex structures.

Popular Indonesian names usually starts with su-, such as: Sukarno, Suharto, Sudirman, Susilo, Sudimampir, Sumarjinah, Suminem, Sukiyem, Superman, Sumringah, Su Asu, Sundal, Susu, Suffer, Suck, Suka Suka gw, Suka Suka lo, Sumpah aneh abis, .

[edit] Secondary Languages

Due to pressures and intimidation from various civilizations, Indonesians have been reluctantly forced to adopt several foreign languages. Some of such languages are artificially made to be difficult just to confuse the Indonesians. The native Indonesians eventually realized this, and responded by severely corrupting the foreign languages to the point that they are incomprehensible; ironically, the Indonesians didn't even intend to corrupt these languages on purpose. The inability of Indonesian students to learn foreign languages has produced unusual dialects. Some butchered Indonesian language variants include:

• Broken Dutch(obsolete)

A failed attempt by the Dutch to teach Indonesians their language resulted in broken Dutch, which annoyed the Dutch and Indonesians alike. Eventually, Dutch linguists realized that their own language is merely a retarded form of German. Afterwards, linguists from various country decided that nobody, not even the Dutch, can figure out the difference between Dutch and Danish.

• Broken English

Broken English is a retardation of International English. Most Indonesians study English from out-of-context quotations of pirated American movies. It is not unusual to hear an Indonesian attempt to greet an American or British tourist with statements like "Hasta la vista, baby." or "I am your father, Luke." or even "Shut the fuck up, Donnie." MTV English (also known as "Prattle") is particularly favoured among youths who will parrot idiotically phrases such as "wow, like, you are so crazy cool, man" amongst friends.

• Mispronounced Arabic

Since Islam is the main superstition in Indonesia, and the Qur'an is only written in Arabic, some Indonesians have tried to learn Arabic. Besides being written right-to-left, exactly the opposite of normal languages, true Arabic is also spoken backwards. Confused Indonesians fruitlessly attempt to learn this language by standing on their heads.

• Incorrect Mandarin

Given China's proximity and influence on Indonesia, Mandarin might seem to be a natural lingua franca for Indonesia in the near future. Interestingly enough, many Indonesians have already spoken a form Chinese when they were five years old, in the form of "cadel" speech impediment. Since Chinese pronunciation is very similar to a retarded person speaking Indonesian, many Indonesians are reluctant to study Mandarin, despite it being a relatively easy foreign language to them.

• Erroneous Japanese

Many Indonesians have dealings with the Japanese. Tired of attempting to communicate in Engrish, many Indonesians have attempted to learn Japanese. Many have been quite successful, even mastering the out-of-sync mouth movements so popular among Japanese speakers. Unfortunately, both Indonesian and Japanese peoples have the bad habit of being too shy or too considerate to correct someone else's pronunciation. The Indonesians are too shy to correct the Japanese's English, and the Japanese are too shy to correct the Indonesian's Japanese, despite that they don't understand each other. Hence, an Indonesian and a Japanese will simply pretend to understand each other when communicating.

[edit] See also

• Bali
• Djarums
• Money
• Corruption
• Pornography
• Monkey
• uncultured state
• Poland (They stole our flag!)
• Monaco (We stole their flag!)