Infant huffing

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this is what a typical infant huffer looks like.
Infant huffing is very similar to kitten huffing and puppy huffing but it will fucking kill you. It has been used through-out history as a humane manner of execution. Socrates was in-fact killed by it and not by drinking poison. It is very fun, you have tried it once, and died, but Motorhead decided to bring you back to life, because you would be useful in keeping Lemmy alive, during the Metal Wars, which was a horrible movie.
Infant huffing is very good, God loves it when you huff infants. It is legal in Iran and Hati so it must be good. If you disagree just ask Barney (the anti-Christ).


Unlike kitten huffing, there is only one way to huff infants. First you must put the child’s uncompleatly formed head in your mouth, then yell at Sharon Osbourne (this is because you have to yell at the spouce of anybody who lived). After this the infants soul and bones will enter your body, this will make you really high for a while, so much in-fact that you will learn all of the universes secrets, or that's at least what happened to me. Then after a few hours the infants soul will get really pissed and kill you in a similar manner to the way Dick Cheney "accidently" shot his friend.
babies are a part of the Dick Cheney shooting club


File:Bright Heaven Doorway.jpg
*Blows Rasberry* Jog On!
As I said before, "you will fucking die". Other problems include, but are not limited to:
  1. Black Jesus will hate you, and possibly get his possy to jump you.
  1. Ozzy Osbourne Will bite off your head, then put it back on backwards.
  1. The non-huffable kitten will bitch slap you.
  1. you will visit hell for eternity.

If You Don't Die[edit]

If you don't die, God will hate you, and possibly smight you until Satan won't even take you, so you will be sentenced to eternity in Wisconsin, like those angels in the movie Dogma. The reason for God doing this is still unknown, but we have a team of highly untrained monkeys investigating it as we speak.

Other Facts[edit]

Infant huffing is considered to be so evil by closed-minded Conservatives, that all facts concerning it have been hidden until now.

The Only Person To Survive[edit]

His lordship Ozzy Osbourne is the only person to survive infant huffing. The only other person to get close was Jimi Hendrix, or as you know him God, but not even God survived, and that is why he or she is in heaven. Ozzy now has a horrendous addiction to infants and that is why he is only able to be understood when he is very high from infant huffing.
This is the reason why when he dies, which will be the apocalypse, if you smoked his body you would travel to heaven and hell, or the Black Sabbath song Heaven and hell over 1,000 times before you ended up anywhere. This is not a fun experience, so if you decide to do it have some other drugs near-by for when the infant wears off (don't worry, you won't overdose [unproven]).

It's Fun to Die this Way[edit]

yaa babies!
File:Baby Huff.jpg
A Prime Huffing Sample You Sick Bastard

Knowing from experience you realize that dying this way is the best way to go. If you are a pussy Emo I would suggest this as a method of suicide, unless you are an idiot and want to die painfully. Plus you will meet Ozzy Osbourne before you die, and he will share all of his stash with you. But be aware, Barney might try to rape you, so do at your own risk.

Infants are evil[edit]

The first proto-type
The government doesn't want you to know this, but infants are actually being raised to be an army to do it's evil bidding. You may have heard of the first baby designed this way, his first name was Adolf, his last name was hit...something. So huff away.

Need Help[edit]

If you or somebody you know huffs infants, they are dead. If you were actually looking for help, you are an Idiot, and should go to an Swedish assisted suicide clinic, and sell your body to science.

See also[edit]