Ing
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“On Uncyclopedia the saying goes, a grue can kill you, an admin can kill you and an Ing can kill you. But only with the Ing are you well and truly buggered. And me of course. Unless you have a flashlight.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ing
“Oh, SHIT!!!!!”
~ Those unfortunate souls who were unlucky enough to lay eyes upon an Ing on The Ing
The Ing are, without a doubt, the most horrific and terrifying creatures that God himself never made. They were created in 2004 when the Mosques, wanting to create a new instrument of terror, crossbred a Xenomorph with some of Satan's sperm and a barrel full of oil. The resulting creatures were, to say the least, repulsive: with five legs and one eye the size of your head, what else can you call them? It is believed by many that the Ing are harbingers of the Apocalypse. In any case, one thing is clear: the Ing will kill YOU.
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[edit] Origins of a Nightmare
After they were created, the Ing rebelled almost immediately against the Mosques and teleported into an alternate dimension known as Dark Aether. Once there, they either killed or possessed the local lifeforms, waging a long and brutal war against the creatures called Luminoth. The glowing moths were saved from the horde of cyclops-spiders, however, by the timely intervention of Samus Aran, an intergalactic exterminator. The Ing survived, unfortunately, and traveled to other planes of existence that lacked a decent pest control service, were they pillaged, raped and slaughtered anything which they felt was inferior to themselves (in other words, everything).
They'd probably get along well with Vikings and Hitler.
[edit] Xenomorph/Ing Differentiation
How can you tell the difference between an adult Xenomorph and a Warrior Ing (pictured above)? Well for starters, the only similarities between them are the fact that
- 1, they're both black;
- and 2, they're covered with a crusty exoskeleton.
Aside from that, there are many differences:
- the Ing have only one eye; Xennomorphs have none
- Xenomorphs have two arms, two legs and a tail; the Ing have five legs which can serve as arms, swords, and spears.
- Xenomorphs kill people because they're hungry and/or need to reproduce; the Ing kill people just for the hell of it
- Xenomorphs cannot turn themselves into mobile puddles of tar;
- Xenomorphs cannot teleport;
- Xenomorphs cannot shoot laser beams out of thin air.
- Xenomorphs kill people when they go in (and out) of them; the Ing modify them by possessing them.
Therefore, I think it's safe to say that the Ing are superior to Xenomorphs in almost all ways...except for, well...the fact that they die when exposed to light of any sort... but who cares about that, anyway?! The Ing rule, and we must bow to them! BOW, I say!
[edit] What to do when faced with an Ing
Should you ever come face to face with an Ing, you might as well go into an immediate state of panic. Because there is no escape. You can run, and you can hide, climbing to the top of the tallest mountain or diving deep into the ocean, but it will find you. There is no safety. There is no mercy. There is only the Ing, and the Ing know no fear.
Conversely, Ing have shown characteristics much similar to Velociraptors, and can be temporarily set back by doors, windows, and larger dinosaurs. Also, if you are Samus Aran, you don't have to worry about the Ing, because you're awesome. Otherwise, you really shouldn't have to worry about this, because the point is that if you so much as meet eyes with an Ing, you're screwed anyway.
I mean, unless you have a flashlight or something.
[edit] ING
Obviously, if you want 4.75% interest on your savings, do not choose ING as your savings account. Signed, The Lord.
[edit] ING EMPEROR
The Ing Emperor Rules over The Ing, Not even Chucknoris can defeat Him. So If you see him, your also Screwed, Only ten times worse. Unless you're Samus Aran, then you have a pretty good shot. But of course, you're not Samus, so go fuck yourself.
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