Have you ever wondered why typing here is possible? Have you ever wondered why you can spend so much time, have such joyful moments while sitting in front of a glass screen? Doesn't that seem silly at a first glanch? Well, there was one man, exactly 23 years ago, who thought that that wasn't silly. That spending the days of your life indoors behind a lightscreen was extually not a timerobbing thing to do.
He was even crazy enough to call it useful, rather than useless.
Hang on tight, because we're about to pay tribute to the man who revolutionized life.
He is perhaps one of the most essential inventors of our time, quite possibly of ALL time.
His common name is Ned Johnson, but his name got tangled up in the sonic boom that was:
- 1 Early Years
- 2 New York or bust
- 3 Making it on his own
- 4 ...
- 5 Credits
- 6 See Also
Ned "InterNed" Johnson was born in the small town of Little Essex, Alabama, on the 23 of February, 1963. Before he had finished primary school, he knew that Little Essex just wasn't going to cut it for him.
No, InterNed had to get out of Alabama and into the real world. Yes, the real world, that's where he could make it all happen. Where he would use his creativity and strech it to what was humanly possibly. He could be that one man, who could make it happen and, as people soon would found out, he was.
New York or bust
After he had finished high school in the neighbouring town of Smallton, he would work as an employee of a nearby 7/11. But that wasn't the only thing InterNed did.
No, after he had done all his work, InterNed would start his real job, his true passion, his life and soul: a communication system that, on one day, would enable him the score hot chicks.
One day, he would connect a Nintendo to another Nintendo. Then, he would connect a cd-player to another one. He would connect lightpoles to each other, he would connect toasters to each other. But that's not all. He would bring people together. Together like The Beatles had once sung it (or that's what he thought. He couldn't know that "Come Together" was actually a song about a bukkaki fantasy John Lennon once had).
After two years though, InterNed had made it: he had enough money to go to the pretigious Whiltlebury University.
Then however, tragedy struck: he wasn't allowed in. InterNeds world collapsed onto itself! InterNed fell deep after this. Very, very deep. Not even K-fed deep. No, he had fallen into the notorious "Oh my god, i once was a popstar named Britney, but now I act like a Hara Krishna follower on LSD"-hole.
InterNed would lose his house.
No, wait, he didn't even have that.
But he was homeless. AND cut off from his dear home in Alabama and he needed help. Fast.
Anyway, with his new found alliance, InterNed was assured to make a comeback.
Making it on his own
Then however, he had already started for himself: he had bought a huge plant to do research, hired some of the best engineers in 'Murica to perform some of the greatest technological wizardy there ever was.
So, Interned got going: he went on his daily routine to make stuff communicate with each other. However, while he had been gone, some people had invented the computer. At first he thought it was a rather stupid device. But after some careful reviews of the device, he had to come to the conclusion that it was a great machine with limitless capacity.
After this discovery, he applied Interned to the computer. First he began to communicate with other computers, then he linked them all together. This gave the system great possibilities: this great system of links could make world peace possible, it could map the outer rings of space. It even cracked the super duper secret code to gain control of time itself.
But most importantly,
it had Tankerloads of hardcore scat-porn, InterNeds favorite.
After this invention, he was ready to rule the world and that's were we start this successtory.
Right here, right now
Just you and me.
Are you ready?
Ready to unlock the secret gates of life itself?
All right, here we go, after InterNed had gained control of time itself, he reversed time to the Zero Hour, where he found the Meaning of Life.
That is, he would have if Bill Gates hadn't jumped into InterNeds house, kicked him in the teeth, fucked his sexdoll and left of with the Mainframe of the Interned.
After that, he simply changed the last letter into a T and successfully committed the worst plagiarism crime in history.
Yes, you're right, before InterNed wanted to do some really good stuff with the Interned, big evil corporations marched in and stole his idea.
But not only that, they also ruined his life.
That's why this page was written. To tell you about what's possibly the worst crime in human history.
No, beyond ever.
No, even beyond that.
That's the story, now, you're job is to go here and write an angry letter on how pissed off you are about this form of plagarism!
If we all chip in, we might just bring those bastards down!
For (the) Interned!
This is the end of this story.
Now, if you play this song and scroll down slowly down here, you will achieve the doubleplusgood cinematic effect!
Produced by: Kok108
Directed by: Kok108
Filmed by: some foreigner or something. I don't even remember
Screenplay by: Mike "I love the cock" Hunt
Script by: Kok108