Eskimo
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“A Eskimo is a endangered people who talk like dolphin and are exstinkt based on the facts of me never seen them in a boat through the teme's.”
~ Eskimo expert Jade Goody on Eskimos
“Don't call us Eskimos!”
~ Inuit on Eskimos
“Don't call us Inuits!”
~ Eskimo on Eskimos
“FISHY FISHY FISHY FISHY WHERES OUR FISH?”
~ Monty Pythons Flying Circus on Eskimos
“I like to call them "Snow Mexicans".”
~ Dave Attell on Eskimos
An Eskimo is a race of primitive, sub-human creatures living in the frigid highlands of Nepal.Eskimos are a smelly and unpleasant race of hideous mountain creatures that the world is definitely better off without having to see. Much like Klingons, Eskimos are afraid of social interaction and violently territorial. Usually, if a human meanders upon one's territory, the Eskimo will attack the human and rape them as they have both a penis and a vagina. However, these attacks are much more pain bearing towards men as, if you've ever seen the movie Teeth, their vagina will eat a guys penis. Scientists speculate these humanoids slay mammoths and sleep inside their intestinal tracts. This, combined with their more common diet of fish, seal, fish, lichen, squid, fish and fish means Eskimos smell very badly indeed. Despite this Eskimos communicate by touching and licking noses. The only reasoning behind this is that the bright snow and white dazzling snow of the land that they live in has made many Eskimos blind. This unfortunate condition has meant many a randy Eskimo had tried to 'get it on' with a penguin. This conflict led to a war of Penguins vs Eskimos. However, after a revolutionary research made by the Columbia Record Club scientists, it appears that the Eskimos have indeed evolved into a conscious being. after that research, the same, apperantly bored-to-death scientists discovered that the Eskimos have arranged a group, calling themselves "The Transsexual Nazi Eskimos Group" and was led by Weird Al Yankovic.
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[edit] Great Eskimo War
This war lasted for 5 years; nearly wiping both unintelligent civilizations off the map but they only survived because their dicks can reproduce with their vajinas even if their dead. The Eskomos won this war although they had countless casualties. Despite their harsh past, Eskimos and penguins now live and breed together in a symbiotic relationship in which the each help each other, the penguins lay their eggs and the Eskimos spread their seed on the eggs once they hatch a large retarded penguimo is born. The penguimo is large and fast growing, they can reach 150kgs. within three weeks. since they are of poly species lineage they can not reproduce. the only thing they are good for is eating. So thats what the aaPENIS Eskimos and penguins do. They farm penguimos and sell the meat to fast food chains across the world. they are now referred to as cannibal farmers.
The last reported sighting of this now extinct breed of creatures was in Belgium in 1357. A fuzzy and indistinct video of the lumbering creature, prowling through the forest, covered in brown fur surfaced on the internet, but scientists have recently confirmed that the video is in fact, a valid .avi file.
The Eskimo tribe was blamed for sending Steve Urkeland Osama BinLaden to our country. The eskimos love to eat a lot of mushrooms and then come up with ways to piss off americans. Urkel is not the only annoyance cuased by the malodorous race of retarded eskimos.
If you would like to spot an eskimo in its natural habitat, you should look no further than a street corner. Lots of drunk eskimos get together on the street corner and practice their age old tradition of pan-handling. A main drink among the eskimos is extra strenght winter green lishte
[edit] Other reasons to blame the Eskimos
- They invented the Rubik's cube. What good is one of those? All it does is sit there being square.
- They eat human waste.
- They smell like hot garbage that has been shit on by a circus clown.
- Have a thousand words for snow.
- In eskimo culture, tetherball is not a sport. It is used as a source of electrical power.
- The emblem on the Canadian flag, widely regarded to be a maple leaf, is actually a red-tinted silhouette of the spaceship that eskimos arrived on earth in. This is very peculiar... because eskimos live in Nepal, not Canada. The reason for the design on the Canadian flag has been argued over for many long centuries.
[edit] Famous Eskimoes
- Osama BinLaden
- Michael Jackson
- Hook-Nanook
- Harry Larry
- George W. Bush
- Dick (haha) Cheney
- Mitch F.
- A-Roid (Alex Rodriques)
[edit] Weapons
- Fish
- A Shotgun
- Rhino
- a nuclear bomb
- Very large fury coats that are actually not as warm as your typical North face
- A harpoon gun (for your mom!!!!!!!! hahaha)
- Fishing Spear
- Morbidly obese people (400+ lbs)
[edit] See also
[edit] Inuit Hunting
The favourite pastime of the Inuit was eating noobs that were foolish enough to come into their territory. They liked the noobs better when they were smaller, but then again, bigger noobs fed more people. Their general way of baiting noobs was leaving video games lying on top of thin ice. When the noobs fell in the icy water, they were only too easy to capture. Sometimes, when the noobs had some slight xp, the Inuit would have to harpoon them. It was very rare that a noob would escape the Inuit’s deadly traps. Sometimes, if the noob had some more xp, they would use them to pull their sleds. As nooby as they were, they still were physically fit and were able to do some hard work. However, if they were kept away from video games for too long, they would refuse to work. That is why the Inuit gave them two hours of gaming each day to keep them happy.
