Inuit Territories

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“While filling in my personal information on a standardized test I noticed that 'Inuit' was not an option for race, but rather 'Eskimo' was the closest option. I AM INFURIATED AND PLAN TO TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION.”

~ Nanook of the North on standardized tests

The Inuit Territories are a cold and bloated wasteland. They lie to the north of Megatexas and to the east of Federated Republic of Seattle, the Cloud Cities, the Free States of Alaska, and the Southern United States. The country also shares a sea border with the New York Cities.

Inuit Territory city: North Caribou Heights, a prosperous suburb of Nontoronto.

Although the Inuit Territories technically have legal authority over Nontoronto and the former Quebec, they have no actual interest in exercising this power.

There are probably 1,000,000 people living in the Inuit Territories, most of them in the Nontorontan area. Perhaps half of them are eskimo; the rest are refugees from the Martian Invasion of 1948.

The capital of the southern territories is Montreal. The northern territories have no capital and under no political authority whatsoever.

History[edit]

After the Roswell Incident and the subsequent reallocation of the North American continent, most of the unorganized territories to the north of Megatexas were sold to the Eskimos, to do with as they pleased.

Unable to manage the huge numbers of refugees (upwards of a million former Americans migrated into the northern reaches during the 1950s and 1960s), the Inuit government underwent a sustained series of collapses, most notably in 1957, 1959, and again in 1966. In the end, the government split into two, with certain Eskimo leaders moving to the southern territories and establishing a military junta, and the rest migrating back to their traditional hunting grounds, turning their back on the situation.

The southern, or Montreal faction, became known for its restrictive and unpleasant regime. However, their authority was limited by a very small ruling class, and they quickly became ineffective. They were violently unseated in the Propellerhead Revolution of 1988, but a punitive invasion of Megatexan forces returned them to power. Since then they have mostly concerned themselves with consolidating their power.

Language[edit]

The inuit languages are the official languages, but most day-to-day business is carried out in English. French is strictly forbidden in the Inuit territories, and after years of persecution many Francophones emigrated to Megatexas where, curiously, all languages are legal.

Some members of the ruling elite speak Martian, but never in public.

  • Martian: 0.1% (official language)
  • Inuit languages: 10.2% (official language)
  • English: 49.9% (official language)
  • French: 27.8% (forbidden language)
  • Others: 10.0% (Italian 5.2%, Spanish 2.3%, Arabic 1.9%, and others)

Industry[edit]

There are some very strange and radioactive things going on up there. Nobody's really sure what, but cancer rates are very high in the Inuit Territories. The northern lights have been getting progressively more fierce for years, too.