Ipodentity

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The iPodEntity was the brainchild of the labour government first elected in 1997. The Blair government wanted to keep secret tabs on every single person living in the UK.

[edit] The ID Card

The government first came up with the idea of a biometric ID card, which would contain various details of the holder including brain size and how who they voted for in the last general election.

These proposed cards would cost about £200 each, so this led one cabinet minister to claim "What a waste of money, why don't we buy an iPod!!"

Tony Blair took this a bit too literally, and so came up with the iPodEntity (a cunning mix of 'iPod' and 'identity')

[edit] The Identity Pod

Blair decided an iPod could be used to solve society’s problems:

1. The government could spy on its people without angering the public (who would argue with a free iPod?)
2. Crime would drop by 80% (It is fact that iPod theft accounts for 80% of total crime in THE WORLD!!! if everyone has an iPod, no one will feel the need to steal one!)
3. They would ensure Apple would have the largest market share for MP3 players in the UK!

[edit] Features

The iPodEntity has these main Features:

1. Lasers in each corner -- These cRaZY "lasers" shoot deadly beans - just because they can!
2. Camera -- The camera helps the government record pocket activities.. ALL THE TIME!
3. Fingerprint scanner -- Used to turn the iPod on! This means that no one else can use your iPodEntity!
4. Propaganda ticker! -- Each iPodEntity will connect to the net and update Tony Blair's personal propaganda picture. He can make sure the entire nation is 'on message'
5. 'I' & 'D' button -- When these buttons are pressed, a quick eye scan is made to make sure you are who you say you are (to the police and secret police).
6. Still has the great iPod features -- Just it stores your personal data too!
7. The end of iPodEntity theft!