Iran
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| Motto: For Shah and Country | |||||
| Anthem: Jingle Bombs | |||||
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| Capital | Tehrangeles | ||||
| Largest city | TheyRan | ||||
| Official languages | Persian, Twitter | ||||
| Government | Anti-Arabic Republic of Anti-Jew | ||||
| National Hero(es) | XerxesThe Great, Darius The Great, Cyrus The Great | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Always | ||||
| Currency | Oil (ريال) | ||||
| Religion | Zoroastrian (95%), Worshipping of Dead Arabs that Arabs don't like aka Shi'ism (1% - mainly the Ayatollah and his extended family) Christian (3%), Hindus (0.02%), Jewish (2%), Bahai (officially non-existent/Wished to be dead) | ||||
| Major exports | Persian rugs, Oil, Ak-47, Explosions, Prince of Persia the game (gamecube only), International Students, and Jewish corpses, Taxi Drivers w/ PhD. | ||||
| Major imports | iPods, iPhones, iRaqs | ||||
“This isn't my fault.”
“I hear it's lovely this time of war.”
“And Iran... Iran's so far awaaaaaaaaay!”
~ A Flock of Seagulls
The Free Secular Democratic People's Republic of Iran
Iran is the superset of the superpowers in the world, or so claims their president. Everyone else would like to know where to get crack as good as the shit Mr. Ahmanineenaenajaadd[sic] got. If the United States of America runs out of people to blow up, Iran is next on the list.
Contents |
[edit] Facts and Figures
- Average Annual Precipitation - More than what your mother gets in bed.
- Land area - Whatever the Supreme Leader commands
- Homosexuals - "HOMOSEXUALS?; We don't have any!" - not living anyway
- Allies - North Korea, Russia, China
- Favorite Color - Blood of martyrs
- Favorite Food - Fragrant rice, Cholo-kabab
- National Villain - Their president
- National Defender - The Immortals
- Average Span of Rulers - Indefinite
- National Pastimes - Playing prince of Persia and declaring war on the western world FTW!
- Worst Enemies - Arabs
- Other Enemies - Surprisingly the Taliban
- Most Favourite European - Adolf Hitler
- Least Favourite European - Margaret Thatcher
- Funniest Iranian - Omid Djalili
- National Currency - Persian rugs YOU can't afford.
- Least favorite country - The one everyone hates.
- Favorite country - The Jewish media makes you think Iranians hate this nation, but they don't.
Iranians are also gay. Everyone from Iran was at one point in their life born a homosexual, and has either remained so or else undergone a surgical operation in order to reverse this flamboyant orientation.
Iranians have been crowned the the bitchiest breed of humans award for 30 years on a row now, something the nation is particularly proud of, and takes pride in when trying to make itself look better than the filthy Afghans down the road. Sorry, that was wrong, I meant the filthy Arabs.
[edit] Education
There are much signs of education in Iran. However, most of the Supreme Leaders are illiterate.
There are very few subjects taught at school, therefore the few that are taught are learned by the students to new extremes. Subjects taught can be categorized in the following fields: atomic energy, nuclear physics, projectiles and particle dynamics, warfare and Jewbashing. All other subjects are related one way or another to those mentioned in the specified categories. One notable example of scientific advancement, announced by the truthful, holocaust-denying president himself, was the discovery and production of nuclear energy by a 13 year old schoolgirl... no, sorry, that'd too big a lie, she was 16. Phew. Now it's believable.
[edit] Quality of Life
According to the HDI index which ranges from 0.00 to 1.00, with most equalling -2 North Korean money, or Hwongonmybong. . The quality of life in Iran is 0.79, but it is a perfect 1.00 for the Supreme Leader who is considered an exemplar Iranian by all. The failure of average Iranians to follow this example and lead obscenely rich lives, however, has led to much bewilderment among economists.
[edit] History
Located to the east, south-east corner of middle-earth, the current leader of Iran is Ayatollah-II prince of darkness. The area we know today as Iran was called "Purrrrsia," in ancient times because the country's founder, Cyrus the Extremely Undeniably Great, invented an early form of kitten huffing. The name was later Anglicized to "Persian" and then shortened again to "Iran".
Iran was originally a state in a much larger country called Weran. Weran was comprised of several states that are today their own independent nations. For example, the country known today as Turdmenistan was at one time a state in Weran known as Theyran.
Theyran was named that to mark and celebrate the running of the Greek soldiers from the advancing Persian army during the first Marathon run in 500 BC. The modern name for this celebrated city is Tehran.
Modern day Kuwait was known as Sheran and modern day Iraq was known as Rerun. Eventually, however, Weran was broken up in The Great Running War.
[edit] Twentieth Century History
In 1905 Reza Shah Pahlavi (aka. Khoda Beyamorzi) was forced by a broad coalition of clerics, bazaar merchants, and students to introduce broad reforms. Eventually, he buckled, and a new constitution was drafted. For some reason, it was modeled after the constitution of Belgium. This all changed, however, when in 1951 Prime Minister Mohammad Mossadegh led a democratic coup against the shah. After taking power, Mossadegh led a campaign of nationalistic reforms which culminating in the nationalization of the Anglo Iranian oil company. Great Britain, which naturally had more claim to Iranian oil than Iran, convinced the US government that Mossadegh was a communist and therefore needed to be replaced with a more suitable nationalist.
Meanwhile, after being resurrected by the Devil himself, The Ayatollah, formerly known as Saruman the lord of Isengard, was given his new title (the Ayatollah) by the Devil, and was instructed to lead an evil revolution in Iran which resulted in millions fleeing the country. After a decade or so of evil doings in Iran, the Ayatollah was called back to the depths of hell by the Devil once again as he was creating too much competition for the Devil; He was quite frankly making the Devil look bad (less evil actually) by comparison.
In 1980, Iran went to war with Iraq, insisting that disgruntled employee Saddam 'Da Man' Hussein had changed the region's name from Iran to Iraq in order to steal some sand by pretending it was a whole other country. Eight years later, several million teenagers were dead, and no one had conquered the sand. The UN declared the sand the winner. This event was recently repeated by US and British forces attempting to steal the same expanse of sand, but the granulated earth has proved too resolute in the face of conflict.
The war has inspired a very successful series of kid's breakfast cereals that never expire due to their heavy contamination from chemical weapons. Irani-O's are Michael Jackson's preferred bait for kid traps.
[edit] Polity and Key Figures in Iran's Leadership
The official form of Iranian Government is crazyashellkillthejewsdeathtoisrealism.
Iran is officially ruled by President I'mmanude Ineedtojihad , (although many senior GOP senators believe it to be pronounced oochnidunijed), but much of the power rests with his lover, former President Khatami. The guardian council also plays some sort of role. Iran has become a world leader in homosexual rights, with same-sex marriage not only permitted, but required by law (see: gay rights in Iran).
Secretary of Tourism Ahdahmi Muhummod-ibn-Jafar is noteworty for increasing tourism by over 3% when he changed Iran's official Department of Tourism slogan from "Stay a while... stay FOREVER!" to the more inviting "Even the lip service is compulsory!"
The unelected leadership of Iran (Note: This is a point of dispute, as the government of Iran insists God put them there), constantly promises its citizens heaven and earth literally, without any proof. If someone ever dares to ask a questions in regards to their authority, the nearest Mullah/Ayatolla normally start babbling verses from Quran in Arabic which no one in Iran understands before issuing a death sentence to the person asking the question.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, has proven himself time and time again to be overwhelmingly popular, recently winning re-election with 110% of the popular vote.
Contrary to what the Devil-Jew media may tell you, Democracy is alive and well in the Islamic Republic. The concept of "one man, one vote" is one of Iran's most honored traditions. In the recent election, for example, all Iranians were free to vote for one man.
[edit] Electoral Fraud
None. President Ahmadinejad has repeatedly refuted allegations of voting irregularities, In response to evidence of excessive balloting (which gave him the 110% victory), he insisted 'fraudulence never happened' and therefore protesters must be wiped off the streets. However, after calls to cease violence against opposition protesters, he simply noted that 'we don't have protesters in Iran'.
[edit] Censorship
In the name of Allah, the use of the name of the Islamic Republic of Iran in this paragraph is prohibited.
[edit] US Invasion of Iran
The Iranians have begun an intensive weapons program, arming their soldiers with dustbin lids and oars, allowing them to lull the dumb-as-fuck US troops into thinking they're watching 300, allowing the Iranians to get close enough to hit the Troops, hopefully giving them a headache before being blown to tiny bits. The situation was antagonized when a bunch of Iranians in row boats armed with pea shooters threatened to destroy the US's orbiting battle station of doom by throwing rocks at it. The CIA reports that Iran has developed atomic weapons capable of destroying a house of cards at 20 yards, and emitting radiation strong enough to give anyone within 3 yards a slight itch in the crotch. Clearly this madness must end.
[edit] Technology
Iran is actively using and developing advanced technologies in energy and other fields. Since oil is generally regarded as obsolete relic of the early industrial revolution (and therefore sold away cheaply to the world market), Iran concentrates on developing most sophisticated nuclear energy plants. Hence the creation of the Iranian Foundation for the Advancement of the Atom. This was in direct alignment to the progressive policies of the Iranian government, which in turn was always encouraged by Iran's best friend and ally, the United States.
[edit] Iranian Space Program
Iran has launched its first domestically built satellite into orbit in February of 2009. They can now bombard any given coordinate of the world with Cholew-Kebab utilizing this domestically developed space technology!In the year 2044, the Supreme LEader will get exiled by his evil twin brother Kwan, who works for the Sith. The Supreme leader will fly to Jupitor. The Iranians have also recently invented the super-technologically advanced iRan. It features several remote controlled rocket launchers, a machine gun, and a fully-charged bazooka. "I asked my scientists to invent this because I hate it when those UN officials disrupt my music-time," the angry President rabled when interviewed about personal interests, "And I'm going to use it on you if you don't leave."
[edit] See also
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Ayatollah Khomeini
- Zoroaster
- Iran-Iraq War
- Middle East
- Shah Abbas the Great
- Nuclear Power
- Iranian Foundation for the Advancement of the Atom
- Persia
- Iranian
- Zorro
- Mazda
- Foucault
- Iran So Far Away
- Israeli Self-Destruction
- Gavin
- Prince of Persia
[edit] Iran-Island Web links:
Further reaching infos about the secluded and isolated Island of Iran
- Official page of the prince of Birjand - the independent, self appointed Consul - reporting about the Wonderful Island of the Hearts
- Island in the Nexus
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