Iraq

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Post-war downtown Bhagdad.

حرب
Republic of iRaq
iRaq

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: Hail Dubya!!.
Anthem: We Shell not Exxon-erate Saddam
Established by Ancient People	Long time ago
Occupied by Muslims	638 A.D.
Dictated by Saddam Hussein	1979-2003 A.D
Devastated by United Spades of Amerika	2003 A.D.
Capital	Vichy
Largest city	New York City
Official language	7.62x39
Government	Total Chaos
Population	Decreasing as we speak
Time zone	Nil (so Dubya won't be "tempted to lay out a timetable")
Currency	Kalashnikov
Religion	Insurgency
Exports	Dead soldiers and detonated explosives
Imports	More soldiers and explosives

iRaq (Pronounced: eye-rack by Americans) (Republican for "Vietnam"), Iraqistan or de_dust 2, or The Iraq (coined by 2007 Miss Teen South Carolina) was the result of a collaboration between United States Military and Apple Computer. It was a place where Weapons of Mass Destruction and Sadaam (the prince of iRaq or iRock) hid until the US military found them. The name is originally an abbreviation for "I R Al-Qaeda" according to the CIA. Iraq once wrote on Shawne Merriman. It was taken over by Apple who coincidentally own the United States of Apple.

Iraq has recently undergone a transformation from a chaotic state into a democratic Utopia, thanks to the kind-hearted, freedom-loving, carpet-bombing, napalm-using, privacy-intruding USA. On one occasion, an Iranian passerby recounted that he could no longer find any terrorists or WMDs in the peaceful country, nor pretty much anything else.

[edit] History

[edit] Ancient History

Iraq is full of worthless uncanny scum, but..... One ruthless pussytator named shalyna winsborrow has been vagina fucking donkeys since the iraq invasion. This horrible, tragic Republic of iRaq shits on water that is historically known as 73h 15894..., which means 'land between the two Hadji rivers' in 1337. This land was home to some of the world's first civilizations, including the Cabo Chicken, Rasta Pastafarian, and Assyrian cultures, whose influence extended into neighboring planets as late as 3:00 PM each morning, starting in 500000 BC. The name "iRaq" in Durkadurka means "Mesopotamia, Sic Semper Tyrannus, or Sadaam was here.", which is really easy to spell if you are Polish, even when you do it in l337." The people of Iraq, commonly known as the Sand People, enjoy screaming jibberish and blowing themselves up. Even in Ancient Times, most homes in Iraq had carbombs, Ak47s, and Michael Jackson CDs. Iraq's media has recently come under scrutiny after claiming that they had invented a Super MEGa deff ray and had used it to subdue their rampant Godzilla population. This is ridiculous of cause, Irqa has no media.

These civilizations produced some of the first writing, science, mathematics, law and drug abuse in the world, making the region the center of what is commonly called the "Bleeding Post-Natal Vagina of Civilisation", the "Playpen of Civilization" or the "Kiddie Pool of Civilization," or sometimes the "Musical Chairs of Civilization."

[edit] Iraqi Exports and Imports

Iraq is well known for maintaining sand-worms its lush deserts. The farms are famous for deceiving the united nations and thus gained the slang name "Anthraxnohere" farms. Anthrax is hand grown and picked by orphaned Iraqi children and carefully placed in barrels to be packaged away to Britain. When Anthrax arrives at Britain is has many fates. The fates being; Released into the atmosphere and ending up in your lungs. Being placed in letters and posted to you and ending up in your lungs. Or being developed into a "Look Daddy, I'm a martyr too!" toy to be given to Muslim children when their balls drop, and ultimately ending up in your lungs". Iraq is also the leading developer in Class A Virgins. Virgins are grown under the most professional means and then shipped up to paradise to be Allah's bitches 'n' hoes. Other exports include; Sand, Oil (though this is of little importance and derives no real uses), A thousand thank you's, Magic Carpets (Supplied to textile world) and cannon fodder for Americans.

Iraqi Imports heavily outweigh their exports in quantity and consist of; AK-47's, R2-D2's, WD-40's, 13-37's, N0-0b's and Sand (Which they then export...). Iraqi's often take a liking to war vehicles such as the "LM-AO" tank. The Lm-ao tank was named because of the fact it is a Heinz Baked Beans tin with wheels and a AK-97 as a turret. Iraqis are known as Space Orcs because they basically act similar to the fictional Warhammer 40k Space orcs in scavenging anything metal. They also share similar appearance and facial structure as Space Orcs. The common Iraqi is said to become a man the minute he holds an ak-47 and shoots his virgin wife, rape her and then revive her with a +10 heal spell he bought from a mana store. Thus, the high demand for AK-47's which also come in a Necrophile edition.

[edit] US Takeover

Uncle Saddam, a national personification of Iraq. He is often depicted as a serious elderly man with white hair and a goatee.

Main article: 2003 Invasion of iRaq

iRaq was conquered by the FRENCH long before the middle ages and was subsequently renamed to Afghanistan. Originally the plan was to masturbate the entire country into glass by Global Warming it, however this plan was discarded when the President Jorge Boca at the time realized how important he would look if he said that they "liberated" the iRaqis. It was true that Saddam was only playing Wizard Chess with his people, but the iRaqia loved him. The main reason for the invasion was for the flag design which offended a baboon, 3 dvd players, Mussolini, Stalin and Hitler. After successfully overthrowing the government(using the newly invented anti-iRaq cowbells) and tearing down the statue of Stadaaam Whosther', dictator of the country, Betsy Ross created the new flag which is much more patriotic. Ankit recently converted Osama Bin Laden to Christianity and is now the joint ruler of Iraq. Iraq is Greatest country in the world at soccer. Very Nice.

[edit] Weapons of mass destruction

 ERROR 404: Weapons of mass destruction could not be found. 
 
 Abort, Retry, Invade? i [country]
 
 c:\civl_war> win
 Bad command or file name...try peace
  
 c:\civl_war> exit
 Bad or missing command interpreter...try nuke
  
 c:\civl_war> launch WMD.exe
 file could not be found...ask Saddam
  
 c:\civl_war> run nucular
 Bad command or pronunciation you dumbass American
  
 c:\civl_war> ping www.iraqwmd.com
 4 sent, 0 received, 100% loss
  
 c:\civl_war> dir
 Directory of c:\civl_war
  
 9/11/2001     <DIR>             .
 9/11/2001     <DIR>             ..
 5/24/2005              14kb     saddam_stuff.txt
  
 c:\civl_war> netsh wmd ip reset log.txt
  
 c:\civl_war> netsh wmd r
 Bad command or file name (wmd r:)
  
 c:\civl_war> exit
 Error: The operation timed out.

[edit] iRaqi Weather

The weather in iRaq is generally Sunni in the north and Shite in the south, with some Kurdstorms in the far, far north. Every year their will be a bullet rain for 5-6 days for decreasing population by around 98%

It does however enjoy a 15 minute period of winter sometime between January 12th and January 15th where US soldiers generally wear their cold weather gear and wonder "Why the hell am I freaking freezing and its only 65 degrees!!!!!1"

[edit] Iragi Joke OR Jordanian Joke?

Tourism is booming in Iraq.

A Jordanian found a magic lamp - a genie appeared and asked his wish. The man said, "I wish all these Iraqi refugees would go back across the border!"

"Why?" asked the genie, "whatever have we done to you?"

[edit] Politics

iRaq was under No-Ba'ath Party rule from 1968 to 2003, which caused the hygienecleanliness of the nation to go down almost to the level [fill in your own punchline here, I'm not touching this one, even with a sanitary wipe]/ of Poland. In 1979 Saddam Hussein exterminated the government with peace jokes and remained president until 2003, when he was unseated by a US-led invasion of privacy.

On October 15, 2005, more than 63% of eligible iRaq users came out across the country to vote on whether to accept or reject the new constitution. On October 25, the vote was certified and the constitution passed with a 78% majority. Happy iRaqi citizens flashed purple thumbs to anyone who would look, certifying that they'd either just voted, or spent the night pricing cans of green beans at the local Safeway.Muwafak Toma was iraqs Head leader before Saddam Muwafaks Son was The greatest soccer player in the world .

iRaqi politicians have been under significant threat by the various factions that have promoted violence as a political weapon. The ongoing violence in iRaq has been incited by an amalgam of religious extremists that believe an Islamic Caliphate should rule, old regime Sunnis that had ruled under Saddam that want back the power they had, and iRaqi nationalists that are fighting against what they view as a foreign occupation. The fourth, shadowy, constituent to this conflict is the World Media, who incite daily riots and other outbursts, in the hopes of being able to sell a few more boxes of detergent back home during the prime-time news. Deaths in iRaq are caused by brave freedom fighters who hide in people's homes and blow up the guys walking across the street. The fact that they are killing more of their own religious brothers than the opposite side's insurgents does not seem to come to them.

[edit] iRaqs

From the iRaq buildingset advertisement:

"A build your own Vietnam situation building set. Comes with: corrupt politicans, brainless/brainwashed citizens, large armies with real firearms and gaseous weapons, American Weapons of Care and Nurturing(aka Strategic Weapons aka Weapons of Collateral Damage), body parts and more. A small task force of Swedish UN weapons inspectors is also available in the collector's edition. For a small extra fee you also receive Anthrax, terrorists operatives suicide bombers and Boeing 737's. For specially hand crafted American and iRaqy tyrrants see registration form and contact your local Kremlin Office."

[edit] Did you know?

The iRaqi space program attempting to become the first third world country to reach the Moon. Almost there guys !

“A world where people live with tiny penisis”

~ Oscar Wilde

• iRaq smells like shit.

• iRaq could, if they wanted to kill all Jews and Poos in 35.7 seconds.

• iRaq is the only place to use the exclusive Clusterfuck 2.0 App

• iRaq is a country or.. was.

• iRaq once tried in 1987 to invade the [Lebos] but lost due to small penises.

• It was once said that iRaq was full of people with a population of 27,000 its not 2.79 as you can see its not a whole number as the rest of the guys body was blown off into iRan.

• Iraq was one of the first places on earth that was visited by aliens from another planet?. The Anunnaki from the planet Nibiru crash landed in Mesopotamia due to a shortage of fuel and was invited to stay there while they worked on manufacturing fuel from available minerals in the area. The machinery and computerized systems are still there today, since they never got out of the country. They built a series of caves to house their factory of turning sand and rocks into Gold which was their fuel's closest facsimile. This has always been known to other countries around the globe and France was befriending Iraq & Hussein at the time of the invasion by Bush and his cronies. America has since built a HUGE embassy over the caves at a cost of over $200 Billion of taxpayer money. This is providing a lab for the British & American scientists to continue their understanding of the machinery that was left behind. In a 4 year estimated time period we should be able to duplicate the methods that the aliens were using to manufacture Gold from earth's minerals. Now you know the Real story behind Bush's push into Iraq rather than searching for Bin Laden.

• iRaq is cool.

[edit] See also

• 911 - Of course Saddam caused 911, it's the truth.
• Al Qaeda Chicken
• Middle East
• iRaq's Study Group recommendations
• Saddam Hussein
• Saddam's Trial
• George W. Bush
• iRan-iRaq War
• Gulf War II (video game)
• iRaq War
• W's Missing Doughnuts
• Oil-for-food program
• Muhammed Saeed Al-Sahaf
• New Louisiana
• [[FOSTER]
• An Open Letter to Walter Beaman Jones Jr.
• Basra