Irken Empire

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search



Empire.gif
The Massive-The most powerful ship in the irken fleet.
Irk, the irken homeworld.

Irk, a planet in the Bogon Galaxy, just north of Rigel 7, is home to a species of aliens known as the Irkens. Irkens are a somewhat small alien species with sensative green skin, well-developed brains, and itchy trigger fingers. They have come to be known as many things including "Galactic Terrorists", "Scourge of the Galaxy", "Irken Maufia", "Dick Cheney Worshipers", "Alien Roach Farm", "The Green Communists", "Opressors", "Ultra Right-Wing Bantha Fodder", "Republican Scum", and "Moronic Aliens Who Think That Watching Dubya Make An Ass Of Himself On National Television Is More Entertaining Than Watching SNL. Despite the negative press from the rest of the the galaxy, the Irkens have become well-established throughout the galaxy, from opening fast-food restaurants like McGalaxy Burger to conquering various planets and enslaving the planet's inhabitants for the fun of it(their motives for conquering various planets left snd right is to this day, unknown). Although the Irkens have a home planet, they prefer to operate from their star fleet that orbits whatever planet they plan to conquer. Their major operations take place in an irken star cruiser called "The Massive", which hides a vast array of weapons and whatnot. The Irken Empire has a rather odd way of functioning and every Irken has a job to do in order for the empire's plans for galactic dommination to take place.


Irkens[edit]

Zim, a typical Irken showing his victory smile.
Irken Skeleton

Irkithiniousus domminatious(Irkens) are small green aliens from the planet Irk. These curious creatures have an unhealthy obsession with taking over the galaxy(s) and enslaving the inhabbitants of other worlds forcing them to do their bidding. This alien species first appeared during the Jurrasic Period(earth time), and it wasn't until the year 1920 that they became civilized.


Evolution[edit]

A timeline showing the evolution of Irkens.

Irkens are believed, by many paranormal investigators, biologists, and cryptozoologists to be decendants of a now extinct water dwelling tadpole-like creature known as Irkilitus Flotas that is thought to have first appeared on the planet irk millions of years ago(earth time).

Biology[edit]

Irkens have a far superiror way of reproducing without any filthy earth practices involved. They are apparently cloned by a large machine, of reproduction programed with a desire to conquer other worlds, and given an irken survival backpack. It is believed though, that before Irk's "Techno Revolution", during the time that the irkens were still evolving, that they reproduced aesexually, although it is possible that they still, despite aesexual reproduction, dated.

Gender[edit]

Male Irken- Notice the differences in appearence as opposed to the female.
Female Irken- Notice the difference in appearence as opposed to the male.

Irkens can be either male or female. Although both male and female irkens look very similar, there are several key factors that tell them apart.

  • Male Irkens have fairly straight antennae with only one kink while the antennae of females tend to kink into a square (ignore picture).
  • Female irkens have small eylashes while males do not.
  • More female Irkens are known to have the semi-rare purple eyes than males. However, only males have been seen with the ultra-rare green eyes.
  • Male Irkens are known to be more agressive, while females are better at "keeping their cool".
  • Female Irkens tend to be more strategic and have a better attention span.

Historical Days[edit]

There are some days that major irken military action took place and these are considered sacred to the irken empire. The only problem is that most of these historical days were ruined by Invader Zim. They include:

  • Operation:Impending Doom 1 (screwed up by Zim)
  • Operation:Impending Doom 2 (screwed up by Zim)
  • Operation:"Allen Parsons Project"
  • Operation:"Death-Ray"
  • Operation:"Death Star"
  • Operation:"Lazer"

Government[edit]

The Irken Government is listed below.

Almighty Tallest[edit]

Former Almighty Tallest Nigzarvich. He resigned his post as the Irken leader when Zim set his office on fire. He is now the CEO of McGalaxy Burger.
The Current Irken leaders, Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple
Red and Purple Chill while watching Men In Black II. Red is a huge fan of Tommy Lee Jones while Purple is a huge fan of Will Smith.

The Irken government is based on a dictatorship where one rules over the others. They also have a rather controversial way of choosing their leaders that the New Republic consider to be a form of "white supremacy." The determination of the irkens' leader depends on the candidate's height. The tallest irken automatically becomes the leader of the others, or the "Almighty Tallest" as called by the irkens. The job of the Almighty Tallest is to keep watch over the other irkens and make sure that they are doing their job. They also oversee major invasions and other major events. (see "Historical Days") Previous Almighty Tallests such as "Almighty Tallest Nigzarvich" (who is now the CEO of the Solana Galaxy's most popular fast-food chain,Mc Galaxy Burger) have help the irken empire florish and become successful in conquering many planets and gaining much wealth. The present leaders, Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple (there are currently 2 leaders because Red and Purple are both the same height) are not the best leaders the Irkens have had. You could say that that Red and Purple are the Irkens' answer to planet Earth's past president, Dubya. Instead of keeping the Irken Empire running smoothly, they have been known to instead relax, eat, and huff kittens for hours on end without stopping. Though incompetant and lazy, Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple have managed to keep the Irken Empire running as well as keeping Invader Zim from ruining major events and social gatherings. Aside from runing the Irken Empire (which very little time is spent on doing this), Red and purple like nothing more than to relax, gorge on junk food, and go on a double-date with Sebulba's female masuses. This however, has infuriated Sebulba to no end, especially since he can do nothing about it or the Tallest would send some Invaders to conquer his home planet.

Political Advisor[edit]

Rarl Kove, Political advisor to Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple
Rarl teaches Irken evolution.

During the separatist movement that triggered the Clone War(and eventually the fall of the Old Republic and rise of the Galactic Empire), the Irken Empire wanted to "cash in" on anything that the separatists, such as the Trade federation would gain from breaking away from the Republic. To make it easier to become involved in the separatist movement, Almighty Tallest Nigzarvich (who was the irken leader at the time) called for a new political job post that would help the irkens benifit from the separatist movement, namely the Irken political advisor who would make many of the "difficult" decisions that the Almighty Tallest had to make (usually in the best interests of the Irken Empire). The Irken political advisor also served as senator and voice of the Irken Empire and this help the Irken Empire flourish during and after the days of the Clone War.The Irken Political advisors more recently however, are Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple's answer to Dubya's Karl Rove. Their current political advisor, Rarl Kove, advises them on financial decisions, invasions, and represents the Irken empire in the galactic senate. Rarl is also the main reason the irken empire has flourished under the rule of Red and Purple. Also, thanks to Rarl and his friendship with Cyborg Zim, the irkens formed an alliance with the robotic supervillian Dr. Nefarious and this alliance helped the Irkens both financially and otherwise because Dr. Nefarious was both rich and had resources that were deeply coveted by the irkens.

Security[edit]

Listed below are Irken security forces.

Aerial Guard[edit]

Irken Aerial Guard

Irken Aerial Guards are usually present at briefings, and during senetorial debates(when the irkens are involved) as to intimidate other senators. These highly trained guards also have other jobs such as:

  • Camera holders during sports events
  • Spying on other senators during senetorial meetings
  • Asassination
  • Sneak Attacks
  • Guarding Entry ways
  • Keeping a lookout when shady business deals are being made
  • Escorting celebrities like popular irken talk show host Invader Leno or war heroes like Invader Skoodge.

The aerial guards are also used to distract enemy forces while irken soldiers shower ordinance on the enemy base.

Speeder Guard[edit]

Irken Speeder Guard

The Speeder guard first appeared during the reign of Darth Sidious and the Galactic Empire. During that time, planet Irk had problems with traffic and speeding (all irken vehicles were hovercars, etc.) and there were no police forces for that sort of thing and Irken drivers were "getting away with murder". Because of this, Almighty Tallest Nigzarvich called for a new police force to end the chaos and road rage of the irken roadways and restore peace to the streets, and thus the Speeder Guard was born. This elite police force known as "Speeder Guards kept law and order in the irken cities, thus traffic, road rage, and crashes in the irken cities became a thing of the past. The Speeder Guards' job is to:

  • Give speeding tickets
  • Be on the lookout for illegal activity
  • Crack down on crime (both organized and otherwise)
  • Prevent Road Rage
  • Any other job involved in "keeping the peace" in the irken cities


counquered planets in the Irken Empire

planet Blorch now a parking structure planet

planet Vort now a top military research prison
planet Conventia the convention hall planet
planet Devastis a military training planet
planet Foodcourtia an eating hub
planet Judgementia for judgeing defective irkens

planet callnowia a delivery planet conveyor belt planet an intergalactic package shipping hub

 storage planet for storing things and what not

Military[edit]

Below are the Irken Military leaders, positions, etc.



General Mek[edit]

General Mek

Once a high ranking Invader who had conquered over 40 planets in the name of the Irken Empire between 1977 and 1981, as well as "lady's man", Invader Mek was promoted to the rank of General in 1983 after his strict military tactics(which he learned over the course of 40 years while training on Hobo 13) helped save the lives of 1,000 irken soldiers during the Battle of Vlorsh, when enemy troops shot down the shuttle that was carrying the irken soldiers. Mek, who was in the shuttle with the soldiers at the time, was quickly able to steer the shuttle into a nearby river, outside of the Vlorsheons capital city, thus saving the lives of every irken soldier on the shuttle. Mek's promotion made him the first ever irken general. Mek didn't know this at first, but the worst days of his life would soon come. Mek's worst days came during The Great Assigning of 1942. During this time, Invader Zim was trying to get a candy bar from a vending machine, but was unable to do so. Mek, who just hapened to be on his way to the same vending machine got there just in time to see Zim attacking the vending machine in a giant mech(giant robot piloted by someone). Mek was so suprised by what he saw that he didn't see that the mech was about to step on him(Zim didn't know this). It was to late, the giant mech had squahed General Mek(which is ironic, considering his name). Mek was taken to a hospital on the city planet, Coruscant, where he was hospitalized. Mek had suffered a broken arm, scarred face, and internal bleeding because of Zim. The next day, Mek was visited by a seemingly eccentric scientist with a large cone-shaped head and pale orangish skin who called himself "Nefarious". Nefarious said that he was an expert in cybernetic reconstruction and could easily help Mek get back on his feet. Mek agreed and so Nefarious took Mek back to his secret lab where Mek was outfitted with many cybernetic implants including a mechanical arm, advanced eyesight as well as a computerized data gathering and storage system in his brain(thus eliminating his need for a SIR Unit), and a partially mechanical mask that not only covered the scars he recieved on his face, but gave him improved vision in his damaged eye. Mek however, when he returned to Irk, was not all pleased. He became very bitter and vengeful. Mek's change in attitude helped him to become the most feared(as well as the only) Irken General(Before General Viron). General Mek still harbors a grudge against Zim, for screwing up his life and vows to one day find, capture, and destroy Zim.


planets soon to be counquered by the irken military


planet Omicron persei 8 future purpose a public toilet


planet Tatoonine future purpose litter tray


planet Naboo future purpose gungan wildlife sanctuary


planet Meekrob future purpose giant spit bucket


planet Corusant future purpose game arcade


planet Andromeda future purpose an insane asylum


planet Venus future purpose oven


planet Glise 581g parking garage


Planet Uranus sol system future purpose you dont want to know


planet Earth future purpose a parking structure planet


planet Hoth future purpose freezer


planet Rigel 7 future purpose a garbage skip


dwarf planet pluto future purpose a place to dump midgets


planet Omega 3 future purpose a mcgalaxy burger drive thru


planet x future purpose a starbucks


General Viron[edit]

General Viron

A former Irken scientist with a short temper and a ruthless disposition, General Viron(AKA Dr. Viron as he was called before he became a general) worked his way through the ranks as he grew taller. He would have become Almighty Tallest after Nigzarvich resigned. This became impossible however when he was gravely injured in a lab explosion and due to his grave injuries, he was unable to fill the post of Almighty Tallest so the next tallest Irken after Viron, Invader Spork, became the Almighty Tallest. For a long time, Viron was confined to a medical facility and it wasn't until Invader Zim and Dr. Nefarious formed an alliance that Linked Dr. Nefarious with the Irken Empire that Viron was able to recover. Viron recovered through a long and painful surgery by Dr. Nefarious's med. droids that revived him as a cyborg with several of the abilities that Dr. Nefarious himself posessed. After his reconstruction into a cyborg, Viron was offered a job as a general of the Irken army by Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple. He gladly accepted the job and became the Irken Empire's most powerful, ruthless, and diobolical General.(note that this is after Invader Zim accidentaly killed Almighty Tallest Spork, Red and Purple took over, Zim was sent to earth, Zim conquered earth, Zim joined forces with Dr. Nefarious, Zim was overthrown, gravely injured, and reconstructed by Dr. Nefarious into Cyborg Zim)

General Sizz-Lorr[edit]

General Sizz-Lorr

The last of the 3 generals of the Irken army, General Sizz-Lorr is known for his strategic mind and quick thinking. His methods have lead irken troops to victory many times. It was General Sizz-Lorr who carried out the irkens' dommination of the planet Geonosis during The Clone War while the planet's ruler Poggle the Lesser was relocated with the other separatist leaders to various planets by General Grievous. After the fall of the Galactic Empire, it was General Sizz-Lorr who help win The Battle of Zeldrin where his strategic thinking help the irken army defeat zeldrenian soldiers and set up a base on the planet. Also had it not been for General Sizz-Lorr, The Irkens would not have been able to invade and capture the planet known as Reptril 5, a planet inhabbited by large, reptillian warriors. Aside frrom being a general, Sizz-Lorr is also second in command to former Almighty Tallest Nigzarvich(see "Almighty Tallest)- the CEO the popular fast-food chain, Galaxy Burger. Because of this position, Sizz-Lorr became the ruler of the planet Foodcourtia, a planet that is nothing more than a huge foodcourt. This position has given Sizz-Lorr great power as well as great wealth. He can also control and direct his troops from his office.

Irken Soldiers/Slavedrivers[edit]

Origional Irken soldier. These Irken soldiers were phased out and now serve as slavedrivers.
New Irken soldier. These soldiers are purely mechanical. They were custom-built by Dr. Nefarious to mimic the appearence of the previous Irken soldiers who now serve as slavedrivers.
Irken blaster. Used by both the Irken soldiers and slavedrivers.
The Irken soldier is the backbone and muscle of the Irken Empire. Although when it comes to planetary invasion, an Invader is sent to conquer the planet of interest. When it comes to major invasions, defense, galactic war, or galactic dommination, the Irken soldiers are their to fight, desrtroy, or oppress their enemies. Irken soldiers carry specialized blasters that can shoot both powerful blasts of energy(to destroy an opponent or gravely injure them) as well as blasts of ice(to immobilize enemies). They also carry special staffs which can control any kind of machinery(as well as minds). These staffs can also shoot deadly bolts of electricity that can stun an enemy for several minutes as well as cause mass destruction. The first Irken soldiers were living, breathing irkens wearing large, strong armor that very few weapons could penitrate. These soldiers however, in later years, proved to be a flop since some of the soldiers began to become frightened by the idea of going into battle after years of doing nothing but fighting with enemy troops. After Invader Zim(AKA Cyborg Zim, as this was after Zim was rebuilt) and Dr. Nefarious joined forces thus linking Dr. Nefarious and his resources with the Irken Empire, new irken soldiers came fourth. Dr. Nefarious had constructed, soldiers that mimicked the appearence of the Irken Empire's current soldiers(armor, weapons, and all), only these new soldiers were purely mechanical and obeyed orders given to them from their generals 100%. The origional irken soldiers were then phased out and given new jobs and tasks to perform such as bodyguard work and slavederiving.

The Invaders[edit]

The Irken Invaders.

Listed below are the troops responsible for the Irken Empire's success in the conquering of various palnets- The Invaders!

Alexovich[edit]

Invader Alexovich

Invader Alexovich is the only irken who can withstand any kind of human food that the other members of his species cannot. Alexovich is also credited for building the world's first time machine. He never told any human about his invention however except one. The only human that Invader Alexovich told about his remarkable time machine invention was a man by the name of H.G. Wells. It is unknown why Alexovich told Mr. Wells about his invention, but he told Wells to write a book about about his invention. Wells agreed to do so and wrote a book entitled "The Time Machine". After the book was published and purchased by every bookworm and science geek, Alexovich gave H.G. Wells a copy of the the schematics the time machine he had built. He then told Wells to show nobody the copy of the time machine schematics because he thought most humans were too stupid to use such a wonderous device. So Alexovich had Wells hide the schematics for the time machine in a secret compartment in his basement. Wells did so after Alexovich departed from earth and returned to Irk. Ever Since then, the time machine schematics in Wells's basement have been nothing more than a legend, internet rumors and TV doocumentaries on the History and Science Channels. As an Invader, Alexovich has conquered many planets. His most notable planetary enslavement was when he successfully conquered planet Blarthos 2, a planet inhabbited by shape-shifting aliens. When Alexovich's troops began to attack the planet, it's inhabbitants all tranformed into irken soldiers and there was mass confusion and pandemonium. Alexovich, despite these problems, had a keen eye and was able to tell which Irken soldiers were fakes and so Alexovich and his men were finally able to put down the alien race of shape-shifters.

Chez[edit]

Invader Chez

Invader Chez is without a doubt, the most nervous and uneasy of all the invaders. Invader Chez's nervous nature is thought to come from his training on Hobo 13 when he was nearly killed in a laser beam related accident while trying to rescue injured irkens from a deadly laser beam. His nervous disposition however, according to his doctor, is his shady history of drug abuse when he was living on the planet known as Naboo. Also, according to his doctor, Chez is though to secretly have a terrible addiction to kittens. He was deemed defective by Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple and was to be eliminated. Chez was able to escape this grim fate however by agreeing to prove to the Tallest that he could single-handidly conquer a planet like the other invaders. Since the Tallest did not assign any particular planet to Chez, he decided to find a planet tha The thought would be easy to conquer. Chez was able to find a planet that was easy to invade and conquer, a planet called Iraqos 5, which had already been defeated once before by a race known as the Reddsttates. The Tallest were actually impressed that Chez was able to conquer Iraqos 5 so easily, so they decided to promote him from Invader to asisstant general. Chez's new job was to asisst General Mek on any invasions that he was assigned to by directing irken soldiers when General Mek was preoccupied with other things. Asisstant General Chez is currently awaiting a promotion to "General".

Chin[edit]

Invader Chin

Although he is considered by moxt of the irkens around him to be anorexic, Invader Chin's skeleton-like appearence is unknown.

Chorg[edit]

Invader Chorg


== Irk Exports

==Irken invasions followed by more Irken invasions and so on without end

[[]]== See Also ==