Italian Americans

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“After spending much time in New Jersey, I did magic mushrooms with an Italian guy called Mario. I felt 15 feet tall and had a raging erection for days after.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Climbing the empire state building

Italian Americans are a race of peoples who are well known throughout the world for their amazing skills in bowling as well as in creating exquisite gravy (tomatoe sauce). Italian Americans are also known for the magical powers bestowed to them by the ancient and most powerful Jason Biggs. These powers include speaking to squirells, ability to buy brass knuckles, and incredible good looks. They are very religios and supersticious. The older female population is known for being extremely religious and are know for cursing people. The male population usualy dies at about 56 of a heart attack.

[edit] Italian American Dwellings

Italian Americans generally live in homes located in New Jersey. While looking for one of these homes you may like to look for a statue of The virgin Mary in their front yards. Around the holidays most Italian American homes will feature a light up nativity scene that costs roughly the GDP of most eastern European nations.

[edit] Diet

The Italian American diet consists of gravy (of course), Spaghetti, Garlick, Parsley, and Olive Oil. Apparently the latter three items are what make Italian Americans so incredibly powerful. The magical powers can be attributed to the gravy and spaghetti.

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