Jacobite Rebellion

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Jacobite Rebellion
Directed by	Vanilla Ice
Written by	Shigeru Miyamoto
Starring	Jeremy Beadle
Produced by	The A-Team
Distributed by	Nintendo
Release date	1989
Runtime	143 minutes
Language	English
Budget	some junkyard crap
IMDb page

“This movie convinced my first wife to have an abortion, it was so bad. She just couldn't bear to bring children into a world that would create such a terrible film. On the other hand, I liked it!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Jacobite Rebellion

The Jacobite Rebellion was hailed as a timeless masterpiece just days after its release during the Cannes Film Festival in 1989. This was the first in a line of gripping movies directed by Vanilla Ice, hailed by Time Magazine as the "Man of the Millenium", and succeeded in truly bringing to life Shigeru Miyamoto's acclaimed 1973 novel, "Cute And Furry Manifesto". What the fuck, man!

[edit] Cast

• Jeremy Beadle .... Jacobite Monchen
• Krist Novoselic .... The Hairdresser
• Linus Torvalds .... Dick Van Dyke

[edit] Plot

The film follows the journey of the deaf and dumb protagonist Jacobite Monchen, wonderfully played by Jeremy Beadle. His aspiration, to become a dancer with the Royal Marines, is quickly destroyed when he gets news that the Royal Marines will only emlpoy people with one arm. Never one to submit to depression Monchen quickly picks himself up from this terrible setback and asserts himself in the field of taxidermy.

The film explores the darker side of taxidermy and there are scenes showing Monchen with a prawn that even the most hardened cimema enthusiast struggles to halt the process of reverse peristalsis. Monchen`s world rapidly spirals out of control after several years in the business culminating in several "relationships", one being a stuffed Elk.

After a very graphic scene involving Monchen and one of his Penguins, Dick Van Dyke, in a famous New York restaurant the plot takes a surprising twist. Monchen is suddenly brought back to the harsh reality that he is mentally ill with the help of his hairdresser (who secretly provided human hair for Munchen`s stuffed animals) and the film follows his rehabilitation back into society.

Sadly for Munchen his rehabilitation is only temporary and by the end of the movie the audience witness yet a further relapse when Jacobite Monchen begins to talk to a stuffed squirrel.

[edit] Reviews

“Oscar Wilde”

~ Jacobite Rebellion