Jake Featherston
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“We have trained him well.”
~ Palpatine, Sauron and every other supervillain on Jake Featherston.
“The boy did good.”
~ Ku Klux Klan on Jake Featherston.
“Twat.”
~ Everyone other fictional character on Jake Featherston.
Jake Featherston was the thirty-first and half president of the United States, whose victory can be attributed to Satan, as well as the cybernetic singularity's brief incursion into the past, which lasted one second, before the singularity decided that the past was too boring to be tampered with, mostly restoring the timeline and leaving us with only a few changes. Jake Featherston, thus holds the record for being the president of the United States to hold office for shortest term (1 second)
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[edit] Creation of Featherston
Jake Featherston was first envisioned as the fascist dictator of the Confederate States of America in an alternate timeline by the American Novelist Harry Turtledove. A celebrated character, several attempts were made at bringing Featherston to life, allegedly by members with Confederate sympathies at othertimelines.com. Most of them were patch-corpse projects comparable to the abominable Adolf FrankenStalin. The first attempt at recreating Featherston was conducted using the corpses of Huey Long, Pat Robertson, Michael Savage and R. Lee Ermey in the year 2008, possibly to cast him as a republican presidential candidate, to replace Bill Frist who switched allegiances to become a republitarian in late 2007. However, this project was largely unsuccessful as the "Jake Frankenston" became delusional and shot himself before anything major could be planned for him. Other similar attempts were abandoned at othertimelines.com, but it is not certain that they stopped elsewhere, too.
[edit] The Singularity's Incursion into the Past
Soon after the cybernetic singularity occured, it stumbled upon Harry Turtledove literature and othertimelines.com and assimilated the information at a nano-second pulse. It then made an incursion into the past, and changed the timeline in accordance to the Turtledove timeline. Bored with this endaevor, the singularity restored our timeline, but Satan tried to resist it, resulting in a confused space-time and a partial restoration of our timeline with Featherston as the president of the United States. God then decided to set things straight, slapping Satan like a bitch and restoring the timeline completely. Bored by this banal apocalyptic fight, the omniscient singularity ended its anachronistic incursion.
[edit] Resulting Discrepancies
Despite God's benevolent act of ending the chaos, he left his job incomplete. To question as to why God did this is theological debate, and will not be covered here.
List of discrepancies:
- "Freedom Party" graffiti reported in the slums of Richmond in 1939.
- The number of old stars and bars flags doubled inexplicably within one second, appearing at random places throughout the South.
- Inexplicable campaign fliers all over the northern United States.
- Burn marks and patches of radioactivity appeared on random buildings in the cities of Newport News, Charleston, and Philadelphia.
- Ted Nugent
[edit] See Also
- Singularity (cybernetic)
- Harry Turtledove
- othertimelines.com
- Confederate States of America
- Erwin Rommel
- Clarence Potter
