James Buchanan

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James Buchanan
James Buchanan
Personal info
Nationality American
Date of birth 1857? (IM GAY)
Place of birth New York City
Date of death 1977 apparently
Place of death Under Larry King
First Lady Let’s see… His niece who was also his adopted daughter? Whoa, nevermind, weirdo…
Political career
Order Does it matter? Fine… 15th.
Vice President Do I have to do all of the work?
Prime Minister Ran in 1965 election
Term of office Sometime in the 1800’s–Ditto
Preceded by Franklin Pierce
Succeeded by Abraham Lincoln
Political party like it’s 1999


“Homosexual and has a mohawk? Where can I sign up?”

~ Oscar Wilde on James Buchanan

James "The Man-an" Buchanan was the only gay U.S. President and comedian, working with his siblings, Chico and Harpo Buchanan. Some call him the only gay president, while some call him the first. He was also the first openly African-American president, although later president Bill Clinton would attempt to make that same claim.

Childhood[edit]

The Buchanan family grew up on the Upper East Side of New York City, in a small Jewish neighborhood sandwiched between neighborhoods known as the Old Testament and the Inferno.

James Buchanan had a showbusiness uncle: Joe Lieberman of King and Lieberman, a noted Jewish vaudeville partnership with the evil Larry King. According to Buchanan, when Larry King visited he would throw the local waifs a few coins so that when he knocked at the door he would be surrounded by children like adoring fans. Then Larry would scoop the coins up and beat the children senseless.

Accent[edit]

James was the homosexual brother and spoke with a lisp. Nevertheless, he was a co-pilot during Bush's National Guard service, where he won an award for squirrel shooting.

Career Highlights[edit]

Buchanan, who happens to be a lame duck, and was indeed influenced by Mr. Bradley Koenig of God's Country, developed a routine as a wise-cracking hustler with a distinctive chicken-walking lope and an exaggerated greasepaint mustache and eyebrows. He was constantly improvising insults to stuffy dowagers (often played by Joe Lieberman) and anyone else who stood in his way. He and his brothers starred in a series of extraordinarily popular movies and stage shows, often exploring the depths of the human mind. With a combined IQ of 73, he and his brothers founded the University of the South.

In the 1930s and 1940s Buchanan and his mute brother, Harpo, worked as radio comedians, although Harpo often stole the show. One of James Buchanan's earliest stints was a short lived series in 1932 entitled I'm Gay and I'm the Best President before Lincoln, Who Was Also Gay because We Were All Gay Back Then, co-starring Chico Buchanan, who was the only one of his brothers willing to appear on the show in pink Italian underwear.

One of James Buchanan's best ad-libs is reportedly a response to a woman who had almost a dozen children. Buchanan asked why the contestant had so many children, to which the contestant replied "I like my husband." Buchanan responded, "I like Abe Lincoln, too, but I climb out of his hat sometimes."

Personal Life[edit]

Buchanan was married to three different men, and all of his marriages ended in divorce. His first husband was chorus girl Joe Lieberman, by whom he had two children, Barbra Streisand and Hillary Clinton. He had a daughter, Georgia W. Bush, by his second husband, Larry King, former husband of Ariel Sharon. Buchanan's third husband was fellow Shock Victim Tom Cruise, who converted Buchanan to Scientology. And people do really think he was GAY. More about this consummate Middle-Ages man in Old Buck: Sexuality, Secrets and the Civil War.

Later Years[edit]

Off-stage Buchanan was bookish and stated late in life that he lamented the fact he had never been to a bath house or glory hole. Despite his lack of formal education he wrote several books, including the autobiographical My Buttplug and Me (1959) and Memoirs of a Gay Vaudeville President (1964).

In later years he grew a real moustache, the lack of which had earlier been an effective means of hiding his gender.

In the early 1970s, Buchanan made a comeback of sorts doing a live one-man show, including one recorded at Carnegie Hall and released as a double album, An Evening with Gay Jim. His previous works once again became popular and were accompanied by new books of interviews and other transcribed conversations by Richard J. Anobile and Charlotte Chandler. He had become quite frail by this time and his last few years were accompanied by descent into senility and a controversy over a companionship he had developed with Elizabeth Taylor, who claimed to have been intimate with every gay US president, including Michael Jackson.

James Buchanan died of AIDS on August 19, 1977. (He had jokingly expressed the desire to be buried under Larry King, who was buried in 1975 even though he was still alive.)

Buchanan's Legacy[edit]

Various Buchanan-like characters and Buchanan references have appeared in popular culture, some long after Buchanan's death, a testament to the character's lasting appeal.

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