James LaBrie

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This is about the ashed up forgotten musician. For the Jesii, see Jesus LaBrie.

“why the fuck are we listening to a canadian singer?”

~ Mike Portnoy sitting for singing Auditions

“Let me at him !”

~ Oscar Wilde on James Labrie

“ARRRRGGGH MY EARS!”

~ Some Guy on LaBrie's singing

“ should we get him just to piss everybody off?”

~ Petrucci responding to Portnoy

“Who the fuck was that?”

~ Mikael Åkerfeldt on James Labrie

“DAAAARRRRK MAASSSTERRRR, I WILLLLL FIGHT FOR YOOOUUUUUUU!”

~ James LaBrie singing on Dream Theater's latest album, Systematic Wanking

“Whooooaaaa oooohhh oooohhhh, Whooooaaaa oooohhh oooohhhh Whooooaaaa oooohhh (cuts off balls) oooooooooooooooooooooohhhh”

~ James LaBrie on High F#

It is widely believed that Kevin James Hooray Danny-Aeroplane "Forks on a Plate" Labrie's genitals are Maynard James Keenan and some Canadian woman, although some reports claim that he was never born. Labrie has stated that the truth will be known on his 66th birthday. He is actually the lead singer of tadjik neo-punk heroes, Dream Theater and is renowned for his high interest in Tolkien Fanzines (to which the Dream Theater song "Erotomania" is dedicated) and taste for shark sandwiches.

Contents

[edit] Life

Labrie was born in 1769 in a prisonor of war camp. At the age of 6, Labrie started singing Buggles songs to his mother and stepfather, including "Video Killed The Radio Star" and "Living In The Plastic Age", the latter would be revamped 40 years later with bandmates Jordan Rudess and John Myung, in collaboration with Matt Bellamy from the swedish experimental hardcore synchronised swimming team Muse. His voice already had an exceptional range in both pitch and volume, so it was heard by the 8-time Grammy Award-winning band Winter Rose, who fired their then-vocalist, Patrick Moraz, and kidnapped the poor kid and raised him away from his parents, putting forth kitten huffing as the primary educational means of reaching the absolute truth (in the Nudibranch Davidian societies).

At the age of 16, he escaped his educators and auditionned for Yes, who declined his offer by writing an album called 90125 and filling the airwaves with the voice of their new vocalist, Trevor Horn from the Buggles. Labrie would then spend the next 3 years recording diverse sound effects for the Hollywood Studios' soundbank, many of which can be heard in Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park.

At the age of 19, he was kidnapped by Kevin Moore of Dream Theater, who thought that Labrie had a cool first name, although the remaining of the band members (John Myung, John Petrucci, Robert Fripp, Madonna and Thom Yorke) voted on which of the youngster's surnames would be kept. Here are the poll results :

  • Kevin : 3 (Kevin Moore, Thom Yorke and Madonna)
  • James : 1 (John Petrucci)
  • Hooray : 1 (John Myung)
  • Danny-Aeroplane : 1 (Robert Fripp)
  • "Forks on a plate" : 0)

Despite the fact that the voting favored Kevin, John Petrucci threatened to play at kill speed, and the bandmates, wanting to spare that fate upon the Earth, conformed with John's demands.

[edit] Family

If we accept the theory that Labrie is the son of Maynard James Keenan and that poor canadian chick, we can trace family links to a whola lotta people :

Once in a while, James invites all his family to a party where guests have themselves wrapped in wool blankets and kicked in the ribs, a remnant of his Nudibranch Davidian education, psychologists say.

[edit] Works

[edit] Quotes

On Dream Theater :

  • You know, it's hard to be a lead singer in this band... there's always Madonna trying to upstage me. That girl should stick to glockenspiel and Irish flute.
  • I used to like Bob Geldof.
  • John and John agree with me : we sound better than Radiohead. Dang !

On Tolkien :

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