Jango Fett
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“Try being normal when the first time you see yourself was in a space bikini.”
~ Jango Fett on his condition
Jango "Headless" Fett was a passionate, vicious hmmm who was often accused of looking like a walking fruit. Always on the blunter, less intelligent perspective, he believed that the constant worship of R2-D2 was the passage to eternal life.
[edit] Life
The illegitimate son of a baby Ewok slave trader, a stormtrooper, and a mango, he was born in a James Bond movie about a person with asthma's joyous elimination of all the noobs in the Jedi Temple. Out of the climatic battle scene, a great sofa emerged from the floor with the fully grown Fett on it with pizza and chips in hand. It is unknown how this circumstance arose, but it is generally believed to be the mistake of Oscar Wilde, who pressed the wrong button and lost his victim, exclaimed," Darn!" in response, who had brought him up just for that purpose. He then fled with little hesitation, realizing he was only wearing Leia's bikini. Looking for a kimono to clothe himself in, only knowing Wilde's peculiar Asian dressing habits, Jango mistakenly ended up on Kamino and was promptly strapped down by those gray giraffe things who labeled him a bounty hunter and tortured him by playing Backstreet Boys tunes constantly into his ears. As they taunted him, they extracted his DNA by removing hairs with a juicer, being part fruit. The cloners then mixed it with Chuck Norris's, creating soldiers they thought would be superior and indomitable but actually had terrible aim, being fruity. Through an error of Einstein's theories, a clone of Jango without the mango part but instead a redneck part from Red Green was instantly created without further explaination. A while later, that Jedi with a purple lightsaber came to murder Jango, shouting," This party's over! There can only be one fruity Star Wars character!!!" and chopped off Jango's oddly electrical head, proving that communists don't have much sense. Twenty and pi years later, George Lucas bought the rights to his life and changed it into that of some guy who wore clunky armor and a failing jet pack.
“You guys are like... Astronauts. In... Some kinda star war!”
~ Zefram Cochrane
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