Janitor Man

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“I'm Scruffy. I'm the janitor. Scruffy knows who killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. In Scruffy's o-pin-ion, it were...”

~ That janitor from Futurama on his last words

“I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!1111!!oneone”

~ Janitor Man on The Penny
A criminals' perspective of Janitor Man

Janitor Man is a superpowered cleaner, best known for his ability to clean the cities of crime. By day, he goes about his normal duties, cleaning schools for very low pay. But by night, he swoops into the nearest utility closet, and with a superpowered spin, he becomes... JANITOR MAN!!!

The Origin of Janitor Man[edit]

Janitor Man in action

It all started on a regular day at the school. Mild-mannered Billy Bob was cleaning the hallways, when he suddenly noticed an unusual glow coming from within the girl's bathroom. Curious, he entered the lavatory, and he saw a naked girl laying on the floor in a suggestive pose. Furious at his disturbance, she shot Billy Bob with her radioactive laser beam eyes, and then she jumped out the window.

Later that night, Billy Bob began to feel strange. His janitor's cap wouldn't come off his head, nor would his janitor uniform leave his body. The next day, he went to get his mop out of the utility closet, when he found that just by thinking about the mop, he could make it fly through the air and into his hand (however, the first time he tried it, it flew through the air and whacked him in the head). He also found that his mop felt strangely different, and that it could now clean messes and spills with the greatest of ease.

That night, Billy Bob was watching the news. The current headline was that some guy had shot a man downtown. The victim looked strangely farmiliar to Billy Bob. Then, with a wave of shock and horror (and sexual arousement, for some reason) he realized that the victim was his own father. He raced downtown in his car, and accidentally ran over his dying father. Furious, he drove back home and slit his wrists. From that moment on, Billy Bob dedicated his life to fighting crime as...

JANITOR MAN!!!

Janitor Man's Superpowers[edit]

  • Ability to summon cleaning tools at will
  • Super clean vision
  • Bulletproof janitor suit
  • Super mop
  • Taxadermy
  • Knife-Wrench
  • Master of unlocking
  • Has been known to utilise the force
  • Jungle fever
  • Gathering minions to duct tape J.D. to the roof, who may or may not have been thinking about soup at the time
  • Ability to read JD's thoughts
  • Ability to stop playing in the middle of Halo 3!

Janitor Man's Weaknesses[edit]

Janitor Man's Catch Phrases[edit]

  • "Giant turd to the rescue!"*
  • "It's time to take out the trash!"
  • "All your base are belong to us"
  • "I'll wipe the floors with you!"
  • "Knife-Wrench, for kids!"
  • "Let's clean this place up!"
  • "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
  • "You damn kids better stop making such huge messes!"
  • "Working nine to five what a way to make a living, it's all taking and no giving"
  • "Now the spill ghost is going to come get you!"
  • "KNIFE WRENCH! (For Kids!)"
  • "Get in the bag!!
  • "I'm going to spray you little girls when your pants are down in the bathroom."
  • "I don't really have more then an hour and a half of here, the rest of the time I just hunt you like an animal."
  • "I said....I'll take care of the garbage, don't you bother with where I'm dumping it."
  • "If I find a penny in there, I'm gonna come after you."