January 4: International day of Schadenfreude
- 1 - People get bored of noting that it's the n th day ever and abolish the calendar.
- 1642 - The government of Japan introduces the country's first paper money, which is lighter and more convenient than the traditional, bulky coins. Japanese prostitutes everywhere rejoice.
- 1666 - The Great Fire of London begins as the Christmas decorations are taken down too close to a naked flame.
- 1974 - The second coming of Christ faces serious setbacks almost a year after the Supreme court rules on Roe v. Wade.
- 1995 - Michael Jackson is kidnapped and forced to listen to his own music for seven consecutive days by his captors.
- 2006 - A redundant event is added to Uncyclopedia's anniversaries.
- 2009 - California Adventure and UC Irvine sign a treaty, but because Irvine was too busy playing Pokemon during negations, no one is sure exactly what the agreement is about.
- 3265 - The Tooth Fairy is forced to resign after illegally selling children's teeth to hicks and not following the Parapluie Commandments.
- 4412 - The first Twinkie expires. Mutant Horse-Men everywhere worry about their food supply.