Jasper from The Simpsons
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| Term of office: | 1998 – present | |
| Preceded by: | Homer Simpson | |
| Succeeded by: | current president | |
| Date of birth: | 1892 | |
| Place of birth: | a grogan shop | |
| First Lady: | Abe Simpson | |
| Political party: | Nazi | |
Jasper Beardly (born c. 1892, Springfield, USA) is an elderly man known for being the world's first man to be frozen in a Kwik-E-Mart fridge, for his brief stint as a substitute teacher in Springfield Elementary, and for his distinctive long white beard.
Jasper is a known acquaintance of the elderly, foolish Abe 'Grandpa' Simpson. The strength of this relationship was amply demonstrated when Grandpa bravely fought to free Jasper's beard from the clutches of a troublesome pencil sharpening device.
[edit] Career
Jasper's career remains shrouded in mystery; however, it is common knowledge that he and Grandpa successfully dodged the World War 2 draft by disguising themselves as women and competing in the Ladies' softball league. Jasper also once attempted to join the popular 1980s barbershop quartet group, the Bee Sharps. His audition was a heartfelt rendition of Theme From A Summer Place, unfortunately, it was unanimously rejected by the band for being 'shit' and that was the end of that. In 1998, he was elected President, replacing Homer Simpson, who was the president since 1988.
[edit] Future
Fox have confirmed that The Simpsons will return in 2009 with Jasper replacing Homer in the family and acting as the show's main character, in an attempt to 'spice up' the stagnating series in the face of stiff competition from Desperate Housewives, The L Word and other hot shows. There will be more frequent scenes of Mr and Mrs Simpson in bed together, making passionate love. It has been rumoured that Bart will come out as gay, with a potential love triangle storyline involving Milhouse and Nelson. Lisa will become a goth, maybe running away to Europe with Ralph Wiggum? Mr Burns of course will fall in love with Aunt Patty and change his ways. Meanwhile a mysterious black mist encircles Springfield, randomly swallowing up citizens such as Prof. Frink and Ms. Hoover. It is not known how this decision came to be made, however, this writer recommends taking a good long look at who emerges from Matt Groening's apartment in the early hours of a Saturday morning. Is it the guy who voices Homer? Is it? Or is it the guy who voices Jasper? Think about that one...
[edit] See also
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