Jat

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This article was written by a Jat with a doctorate in English. Do not attempt teaching English Him!
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“No If, no But-t, no Matt only JAT!!!”

~ A Jat on Jats

“JAT - Just Avoid Them”

~ Oscar Wilde on Jats

“Orrr, CHAKE DE PHATTE!!!”

~ Jat on Jats

“Ek peg laa laiii...”

~ Jat on the meaning of life

“¿¿”

~ Santa Banta on Jat
Jats
Significant populations in: Northern India, West Northern India (a li'l left and down -- yup u got it!),
Language Punjabi and its dialects, Pakistani, Telepathy, Bunty and Babli
Religion Animism, Hinduism, Forced Muslimism, Revert Forced Muslimism,Revert Revert Forced Muslimism,Hang It Allism, Thus Sikhism, Now Peaceism


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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jat.

The Jats are Aryans and like all Aryans originated in india. About 8 million Jats live in the Indian state of Haryana. Jat, pronounced (...er, this is tough...), "Jut" in Bollywood, "Jaat" in Haryana, "Whaat?" in Bihar, "Sikh" or "Humble follower" in Punjab, "Brigadier/colonel/lieutenant/armywala" in Pakistan, "Yahya Khan" in Bangladesh (they realized later on that he was actually Pashtun but it didn't make a difference), "Pakistani" in Abaad Kashmir, "Indian" in Barbaad Kashmir, "Gadha" in Jataka tales, and "Crazy foreigner" everywhere else, is a word with a complex etymology but entirely obvious meanings.

They are an extremely humble, docile, group of people, known for their intellectual prowess and quiet nature. However, despite this, every great person who has ever lived has turned out to be a Jat. Unbelievable as such a claim as this seems, you only need to ask any Jat, or read any book written by a Jat to see that this is true.

Some famous Jats include Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, Genghis Khan, Charlemagne, Shakespeare, Einstein, anyone whose ever been in a fight and won, Napoleon, Superman, Ramesses II, Optimus Prime, Ozymandias, King Arthur, Yoda, Indiana Jones and Morpheus, amongst others.

Whilst their origin is disputed by many "reputable" sources such as western scholars and modern factual evidence, they are actually descended from a race of super-powerful, warlike demi-gods who destroyed anything that crossed their path without even breaking a sweat, and who could travel through time and divide by zero, and who created the universe itself. Again, read any book written by a Jat to see that these claims are indeed, true.

Background[edit]

Jat mean farmer

Jat Identity and Crisis thereof[edit]

Photo of proud Jat Maharajah, Soorajmal
Notice white handlebar moustache resting on face.

B. S. Kaiyan, Professor Emeritus of Jatology, University of Khalsa, Amritsar, has done invaluable research on the origins of Jats. He has authored the seminal book Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! that traces our common ancestry and shows we have been repeatedly marginalized and ignored in the history textbooks of India despite our valuable contributions to the Independence Movement and resistance to forced Islamicastration of India.

This book avenges the insult and proves that the Jat tool is bigger than anybody’s (except the Abominable Snowman’s). It is therefore encouraged that every Jat (that means you!! If you are Jat) buy this book. This will help spread Jat brotherhood among the scores of Jats scattered throughout the universe while helping overcome your low self esteem, building your own unique identity, coz a jat spit roasted your pride, rescuing you from the brink of starvation and imminent madness. This book is available only through mail on UnAmazon.com

By the way, being Jat myself, I deeply respect Professor Kaiyan’s revered work for the Jat peoples. Also, in case people are mistaking that I am using clever alias for self-promotion here, let me clarify that some peoples have wild imagination and they need help. I am NOT Prof. B S Kaiyan. I am his humble disciple, lowly servant and I am not even deserving of being Professor Kaiyan’s shoe.

References in Epics & other ethnic Group[edit]

Jat in the Mahabharata[edit]

In his book, professor Kaiyan has ably demonstrated that Lord Krishna was a Jat by showing that Jat is also synonymous for the agriculture farmer or ’’krishi’’ word in Sanskrit. Another word for “able” is “guna” in Sanskrit. By applying principle of sandhi (declension) of Sanskrit, we are getting, “Krishi + Guna = Krishna,” or mostest ablest farmer, which, everyone knows can only be Jat, even in ancient times like the Mahabharata.

Using likewise archaeolinguistics Professor B. S. Kaiyan has reckoned that the Pandavas were also Jats. The Kauravas too were Jats, albeit a sub-clan of Jats that has died, but Jats nevertheless. Bheeshma, owing to it’s linguistic proximity with Bishen (a popular Jat clan like Bishen Singh Bedi) and Yudhishtra, owing to it’s shared linguistic etymology with Yuvraj (another popular jat clan – example, Yuvraj Singh), were also Jats. Arjuna, owing to his shared linguistic with Arjun (a popular Jat clan like Arjun Singh) was also Jat. Draupadi, the beauteous wondrous damseuse of Mahabharata -- ahhh! -- she was the also Jat because she was married to another Jat, the Arjuna.

In fact the correlations are startling and Professor Kaiyan has shown that altogether there are 66,780 Jat figures in the Mahabharata, including a 101 figures who are Jats but who do not appear in the Mahabharata because the Mahabharata has only 66,679 total characters, altogether representing some 550 Jat clans of which roughly 549 are still extant today in the sub continent. The author of Mahabharata, Maharishi Vyasa, was also a Jat.

Rajput clans that ruled from remote hill-top fortresses in Rajasthan surrounded by crocodile moats and being debauched because Muslims could not access their higher hilly vantage points (it is easier to spit down than spit up) were also Jats.

Rajput and Jat[edit]

Though Rajput deny they are Jats, Jats never deny this. It is only because Rajputs are constantly abused peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. It is a well known fact that no Rajput fief or king ever beat so much as a one eyed Jat -- never mind a Jat king -- in history. It remains true even today. This proves that Rajput is Jat for he cannot fight the peoples he has come from. Prof. B. S. Kaiyan explores this fascinating denial of the Rajput in his book which you can purchase (which you must if you are a Jat) by sending me an email at [email protected]. Wait, not me! Like I said before I'm not the honorable Prof. Kaiyan. All the Rajput miniature paintings, palaces, and lores of glory are the creation of Jat peoples. Prithviraj Chauhan was a famous Jat king. People who spread disinformation by claiming that Prithviraj Chauhan was not a Jat are all in fact, Chamars.

" Rajputs deny that they are Jats but Jats say that Rajputs are Jats... what does it mean? Rajputs were nonexistent before 5th - 6th century or so(AD) but as you say Mahabharata was fought by Jats not by Rajputs. On the other hand chamars attempt to stake claim to royal Jay blood, because they are poor but you probably would never meet any chamars who do not have a low opinion about jats (owing to jealousy, of course) and others and may not like to be associated with others. All castes are unique and supposedly know their real worth. Upper castes probably do not know that lower castes are very sensitive and touchy upon issues concernong modesty and honour of their woman. Unlike in upper castes, characterless members among lower castes, if any, find it very difficult to establish relationship with other caste fellows. Due to inbuilt standards, preferences and distinct moral and ethical codes, many from lower castes may find it inconvenient to adjust in a berth in jat, rajput or upper caste airways, roadways or railways. 'Bharte koo bharr aur khalli ko dhorre dharr'.


But to be frank it seems that major jat stuff is made of localware with few outsider allergines. Quite possible as this part of land was persistently visited and revisited as a path/way to rest of India. Even than they withstood the strong streams and didnot swept away along with winds. India is probably capable of producing all ikinds of colours and facial designs. At higher altitude one can find faces whiter and fairer than even the most white continents. So everything seems to be Indian, chitt bhee Indian and Patt bhee Indian, India that extends from Celon to Iran, have all similarity through out.'

Munda and Jat[edit]

Munda is also a Jat sub clan. It is only because Mundas are constantly abused peoples everywhere (especially by Rajputs) and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. Prof Kaiyan in his book subdivides 999,999.99 clans of Jat people, in which Mundas are the 89,999.06th sub division.

That Mundas are Jats is a very well known fact and it is fully supported by the modern archaeology studies: the results of the dental structure and bone examinations of the two peoples’ rectum showing startling similarity is there in Prof Kaiyan’s book (available at…I hope and expect that you know how to get this book by now)

Anyway, no harm in repeating it: if you want to buy this book – you want to, don’t you? Don’t be in denial! YOU can stop feeling constantly buggered peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem if you!! wants - contact me, err... Prof. Kaiyan at [email protected] for your own, personal, hardbound and autographed copy).


The all History of jats begin from sunny deol and ends with booby deol, most frustrated people in india. now they are findings total foolish links with mahabharat and some ancient sanskrit books while all know jat is a meaningless word.The turk and muslim Invaders in middle age of India made pregnant the Indian women during their coming to india, the child s of those women are know as Ajat(having no caste) and further it started pronounce as JAT. Now this is the history of jats. And they should accept the truth rather then make their nonsense link with pure Mahabharata and other sanskrit books. because their tradition absolutely differ from other hindus and maximum of them under influence of non brahman dharama easily indicate about their real origin. After ending of zamindari vyvastha, all land led by rajputs was is distributed to those who are farming on their land and after 1947 jats people come in existence by their agriculture on their owner's (rajputs) land as it was captured by new law of indian goverment. Mainly two states of india haryana and punjab having major population as jats while west up and rajasthan also influence of jats. so in number in respect of other caste jats are very few however they are having more 3000 gotras and gotras having from higher caste gotra to lower cast gotra even gotra as all other casts in north india, it indicates the son of the woman raped by Muslim invaders was known by his mothe's gotra and caste. so accept the truth and make own face clean.

Genetics[edit]

Mountain Dew Nuclear Asplosion (MtDNA) and Your Chromosome (Y Chromosome) samples of all the various ethnicities of the Indian Sub Continent were taken and compared with the sample statistical median of the MtDna and Y Chromosome of the average Indian in a joint study spread over five years (-5 AD to 0 AD) and it was found that they were all identical to the MtDna and Y Chromosome of Jats.

This result stunned the world, especially the non-Jats. This collaborative effort of Nat Geo, Discovery and Jat TV was a watershed study that fully supported all the findings of prof. B. S. Kaiyan and vindicated his stand. The details of this study also can be found in Prof. B. S. Kaiyan’s book (you can get this book by emailing me at [email protected]).

Also Jatt is an Swear word in Hindi Language.

Like Jatt ke Bal

Sub Continent's Armed Forces and Jat[edit]

The Jats are full of military.


4 in every 5 people of the Indian arm are Sikh. this is partiality in martiality because Indians are so cheap they don't want to pay for soldiers' helmets. Hence, they take all and only Sikhs, who come with built-in turbans.

Sikhs are known efficient and authoritative in the Indian military. This is vastly because Sikhs were not permitted to legally work anywhere else in India.


Thank You

Jat struggle for a Nation[edit]

After seeing India and Pakistan become Independent, the Jat peoples felt bad. They realized they weres the peoples abused everywhere and/or/is suffering from low self esteem and dicked by the British, especially their Vice Roy Mountbatten (he was part Bengali. Bengalis hate Jats), who had nothing better to do than enlist Jat men in their East India Company's army and screw Jat womans. And worse still, even shamelessly carry some womans back to the England (to be the naukar probably or part time mistress).

When East Pakistan -- also called Bangladesh now -- seceded, the Jat peoples felt worse. Finally when Sri Lanka and Nepal seceded in quick succession, the Jat peoples felt utterly, utterly cheated and could take no more. Thus began the suffrage of the Jat Peoples, owed to the leader of the struggle, Sardar Happy Singh. The Jat peoples now also wanted to secede from itself so that they could have their homeland, identity, language, food, music and own women who everybody was screwing in subcontinent (and quite willingly were they being screwed may good professor B S Kaiyan add who’s life's motto is to stick to the truth, no matters how brutal or sticky truths maybe and expose all).

A long infructous internecine war broke out in India and Pakistan after this, most of which was in the minds, quite like Jat kings defeated Rajput kings only in the Jat minds. Finally the peoples of the worlds gave Jats independence and the Jat homeland was created in 2001 in the minds. Jatland.com was thus born. At last Happy Singh could live together with Puppy Singh and Overjoyed Singh. But there was a slight problem. Jat peoples did not know how to access their homeland. A conclave was occurred in 2001 by the Jats over this issue (more detailed in Prof B.S. Kaiyan’s book. If you wish to buy the book {you must if you are Jat. If you aren’t, please read this book to confirm you aren’t one} contact me at [email protected]) in which all nations participated. The conclave was presided over by the first Jat King of Jatland.com, Professor Unmohan Singh.

Ultimately, the King of Serbia offered help by way of running a perpetual a one-way bus service called Jat Airways to access this homeland for the Jat peoples. This bus service is free for all Jats (If you wish to avail this service and you are not a Jat, please buy the book and read Chapter V, How to become a Jat in 10 days. You can buy the book by contacting me at [email protected]). Non Jats are not allowed on this bus because Serbia Govt. has declared that if a busload of Jats has even one non-Jat passenger in it, it might asplode.

Jat Culture[edit]

Men[edit]

Jats are one the most ethical and righteous people on earth. And when it comes to women their generosity and chivalry is world renowned. Jats never beat up any women except for those from their own household. If any such a need arises, and it arises quite often, they organise a panchayat to sit over it. The Panchayat decides the penalty for the soon to be charred individual. The Panchayats do a commendable job and are very lenient towards charred remains of the culprits (esp as they were once women).

A Jat never does any wrong with anybody. Throughout one zillion year old history of Jats, no Jat has ever told a lie or wronged anybody. In fact, IPC (Indian Penal Code) as opposed to IPL, states that any evidence given by Jat men in the court of law is to be admitted unequivocally as incriminating evidence incognito without any consideration or delay. It is a well known fact that Harish Chandra, was a well known Jat, so this is not at all something to be surprised at.

Jat men keep women illiterate for fear of spreading AIDS. It is a well known fact that in Jats, apart from the usual ducts of pleasure, AIDS also spreads via any activity that involves using brains. Though much remains unclear, scientists claim that this can be explained by presence of cavity-less holes (a very distinct feature of Jats), where other homo-sapiens seem to have brains. These ducts allow for free transmission of sexually transmitted diseases STD. That also explains why Jats are so reluctant to use their brains or whatever semblance of brains they have.

Women[edit]

Jats today - a photo essay[edit]

Portrait of the Macho Jat as a young kid eating lollipop
Portrait of the Macho Jat as a young man radiating pheromones
Whoops! Macho Jat gone crajee high on pheromones
Whoops! Whoops! Macho Jat can't tie turban for nuts and forgot to wear hair too. Gotta go back to beginning
Macho Jat not knowing how uncouth it is following ladies into the closet during duty hours. Bad manners
Smart macho military Jat saying Mind It ! to the Paki enemies (this is true for Jats in Pakistan's military too. Jats often have trouble remembering who the adversary is)

Further reading[edit]

  • Professor B. S. Kaiyan. Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! English, Published in 2006.

See Also[edit]

End Notes[edit]