Jayne Mansfield

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She may have only been in black and white, but you are lying if you say you wouldn't.
“WHO?”
~ Marilyn Monroe
“Fucking Marilyn Monroe.”
~ Jayne Mansfield

Jayne Bob Mansfield was one of the leading blonde sex symbols of the 1950s she was quite famous for her blonde curls, huge breasts and her potent body odour that in later life she bottled and sold as an aphrodisiac. She was not as fit as Marilyn Monroe.

Awww skeet skeet skeet skeet.

Contents

[edit] Early Life

Jayne was born Agnes Bob Mandarin, she was born to pornography star Pearly Gates (1901-2001) and a boring stranger with the first name of Henry, Pearly met Henry briefly, she then became pregnant with her 81st child who grew up to be Jayne. Jayne was born in 1933 and spent a lot of her time on her own as her mother was always working. When Jayne was three they moved to Dallas, and Pearly had a brief stint in acting in the stage adaptation of Debbie Does Dallas in which she just had sex on stage for two hours. Jayne had always said this is when she became interested in acting, she often went to the theatre to watch her mother in the brilliant stage play.

[edit] Foot Modelling

Jayne was eighteen when she got her first acting gig, it was for the hit magazine Foot Dreams for the next year she modelled and did live shows, Jayne was well known to horney men all over the world and Jayne knew she had hit it big, her mother's career had slowed down by this point and Jayne's modelling salary could not support her so she by having a threesome with several hollywood producers and she was given a contract with 4th Decade Fox

[edit] Her So Called Acting

“Fucking Sophia Loren”
~ Jayne Mansfield
Jayne needed plenty of support when pole dancing for the Rat Pack.

Jayne was cast in the infamous flop movie Pills In Frisco Bay (1955) were in a scene that leaked to the press showed Jayne's pussy that had an odd resemblance to a pussy. The movie Pills In Frisco Bay was about a woman who popped pills.
Jayne followed this up with another flop Bisexual Jungle (1955, Alt. Title Jennifer Aniston) however despite these two flops the producer that she laid earlier still thought she had some more wear and tear so he continued to cast her in movies, and finally after all the sex she had a mediocre hit Pete Kelly's Poo (1955) and after the movie stopped selling tickets she eventually got off her then fat ass and sold some tickets on the street along with Pearly who had been supporting herself because Jayne had let her have a small part in her last two movies, she pleasured the director but as Jayne's star was on the rise and after her next film The Girl Can Help It, But She Won't (1956) which was a smash hit she dumped her mother and left her for dead (however she lived for another fiftey years).

Jayne had a series of of hits such as The Burglar (1957), The Wax Bust (1957), Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter's Lunch?(1957) and Kiss Them Feet For Me (1957), 1957 was one heck of a year, she was voted the most famous and skankiest actress of 1957. However in 1958 she took a break to go back into modelling her feet, when people said her feet hade turned hidious she ate millions of gallons of ice cream and became to fat to do anything, however in 1960 she sold her fat to warm families in Africa and she grabbed the last remnants of her career with her last financially successful movie To High To Grab (1960) and The Fat Ass Spy (1961). After that it was a succession of films where Jayne was asked to run around in a series of a peek-a-boo nude scenes. Her last listed film role is as a Cossack in Doctor Zhivago (1965) - but that might have been a misprint.

[edit] Screeching (music career)

Jayne knew her career was over and she look to other avenues of money, she thought she would join her now now famous in Finland stripper mother Pearly but she thought she'd better not. in 1963 she signed with Abstinence Records (later renamed Virgin Records)and she released her first record in (1964) I Slept With Shakespeare, FACE! in which she released her single called My Sweet Jayne in peaked at no.199 on the Billboard 200 Jayne had a number one hit with her second single Lick That Thang! her album did fantastically and after touring she cut a second album called Jayne Mansfield On Your Genitalia (1966)to which she had her last successful single Pussy......Cat (Time for Din-Dins) ! after that she was released from her record deal.

[edit] Polly what? (political career)

“Fucking Lambrettas! No, wait... Actually, there are all right I guess...”
~ Jayne Mansfield

Jayne got bored easily so decided to work try her hand at politics. Unfortunately, it was soon evident which hand corrupt politicians were interested in receiving from Jayne so she went home and never accomplished the voting rights for frogs, a cause she had passionately believed in ever since reading the classic children's book The Princess and The Fugly Frog.

[edit] Retirement & Personal Life

Jayne tried to spend the remainder of her life in a retirement home when she celebrated her 33rd birthday. However the lure of celebrity and wish to keep her flagging career going persuaded her to go back on the casting couch. In 1957 she had married the director of Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter's Lunch? Eddie Iowa, she had two children too him...Peroni-Cherise (b.1958) and Bobman (b.1959-1989). Jayne and Eddie divorced in 1962 before she met with the penniless Austrian male model Arnold Schwarzenegger. However that ended pretty quickly and a distraught Jayne decided to drive her car into a muck spreader driven by journalists working for the National Enquirer. So ended a legend.

As Jayne was bankrupt, the FBI claimed her body in the name of National Prurience - and kept it a deep freeze for their boss Edgar.J.Hoover to show off to important guests. Eventually Jayne was given a decent burial - except her famous rack. That is now preserved in the Smithsonian museum in Washington D.O.A.

[edit] Work

[edit] Film

  • (1955) Pills In Frisco Bay - Tara Silcox
  • (1955) Bisexual Jungle - Bjorna Slover
  • (1955) Pete Kelly's Poo - Elaine
  • (1956) The Girl Can Help It, But She Won't - Normas Dix
  • (1957) The Burglar - Letty Mor
  • (1957) The Wax Bust - Bustie St. Claire
  • (1957) Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter's Lunch?- Lucy Lee-Lee
  • (1957) Kiss Them Feet For Me - Mysterious Foot Lover
  • (1960) To High To Grab - Missy Dee
  • (1961) The Fat Ass Spy - Fat Ass Spy
  • (1962) Jayne Does Dallas - Jayne Harvey Oswald
  • (1962) Doctor Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! - Jayne Bond
  • (1963) The Best Rack In Your Life - Jayne Rack
  • (1965) Doctor Zhivago - A cossack.

[edit] Music:

Albums:

  • (1964) I Slept With Shakespeare, FACE!
  • (1966) Jayne Mansfield On Your Genitalia

Singles:

  • (1964) My Sweet Jayne - peaked: 199 (Billboard 200)-I Slept With Shakespeare, FACE!
  • (1964) Lick That Thang! - peaked 1 (Hot Tracks Yal)-I Slept With Shakespeare, FACE!
  • (1966) Pussy.........Cat(Time for Din-Dins) - peaked 1: (redneck tracks-o-rama)- Jayne Mansfield On Your Genitallia
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