Je (element)
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Contents |
[edit] Elemental Jesus
Factata:
- Atomic Mass: 312
- Neutrons: 42
- Protons: 42 less than 312
- Optimus Primes: 3
- Vogons: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
- Density: 0.5 (walks on water)
- Configuration: 4 arms: 2 real out-cloak and 2 magic in-cloak
- Note, Mel Gibson has been known on at least one occasion to produce Hydro Jesusic Acid
[edit] Relative Elementality
| ∞ Ba | 2 He | ||||||||||
| 1 L | 2 Be | 3 Br | 4 C | 5 Nu | 6 O | 7 F | 8 Ne | 9 Ci | 10 Je | -1 Po |
[edit] Introduction
Elemental Jesus is the holiest of all the periodic dining table of elements, and also by far the least metallic. It is the primary constituent of all Compound Jesii, and as a result of its highly theistic Atomic Number, possesses a number of intriguing, yet useless properties.
[edit] Synthesis
Elemental Jesus was discovered by researchers at the University of Colorado, while trying to find a cure for Scientology. In fact, Elemental Jesus is the cure!
[edit] Properties of Elemental Jesus
- Highly Hydrophobic. All Compound Jesii can walk on water.
- Highly Arachnophilic. All Compund Jesii are fuelled by an internal supply of spiders.
- Aroma of Chorizo. Reasons unknown, but may be due to theoactive decay into the more evil elements of Paprika (Pa) and Sausagium (Wu).
- Has antigravitic properties. Often causes ascensions, and the impression of being high. No relation to kitten huffing whatsoever.
- Known to aggravate Romans. May have something to do with kitten huffing.
- Has inability to swim in water but can do so in wine.
[edit] Uses of Elemental Jesus
Besides the construction of all known Compound Jesii, Elemental Jesus has been extensively used in the construction of Portable Music Theft Devices, a practice started when Steve Jobs was borne by a virgin Huffed Kitten from which he supped Je-rich milk from her saggy feline teat.
[edit] Price and Availability
$1.49 for 128 fl. oz., enough to transubstantiate four minor Jesii.
[edit] Compound Jesii
Elemental Jesus may bond with two atoms of oxygen to form Jesus Dioxide.
The following Compound Jesii are known to be constructed primarily of Elemental Jesus:
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want to know to know to know to know it is it is yes. babs, it's probably Original Jesus. | ||
| Disco Jesus: Sabbath Night Fever | Invented economic theory: Supply-side Jesus | |
| Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter | The Passion of the Jew: Kyle Broflovski | |
| Dark Jesus: Parallel Universe Jesus | Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus | |
| Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: Just like daddy. | Member of the Carpenters: Jeez | |
| King Jesus: That's sire to you, boy | Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification:Messiah | |
| Jesus Fucking Christ: Working class hero and modern day sage | Moshed his way to Metal-heaven: Metal Jesus | |
| Super Jebus: Western Sydney pimp | He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! Billy Mays | |
| Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone | Elemental Jesus: Je (element) | |
| Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV | An alpha prototype Christ: Jesus 1.5a | |
| Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find | That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something: Jesus LaBrie | |
| Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي | Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus | |
| Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name | Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin | |
| Ultimate Jesus: Designed by God to be the ultimate fighting machine | He's blonde, cultish, and believes in racial purity. No, it's not a Nazi, it's: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints | |
| MC Jesus: The Jewish Rap Sensation | Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus | |
| Sweet smoking Jesus: What would Jesus smoke? | Bow to ye savior or walk the plank ye scurvy dogs: Captain Jesus | |
| Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. | But what If Jesus had lived in America | |
