Jeff Rense
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“Lather, Rense, Repeat.”
Jeff Rense is the best alternative radio personality in the world! Jeff Rense was born Jeffrey “Joe” Jefferson and is NOT a rip-off of that jealous Art Bell!
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[edit] Investigative Journalist
Jeff Rense was a ground-braking executive journalist from Chicago who would reveal breaking stories into local corruption and fraud. He had made many, many enemies in the Mob, and in October 1976, was repeatedly threatened to shut up of swim the Hoover over a story concerning complacency to the illegal importation of Tickle Me Elmo dolls. Rense would not loose his integrity and told the story anyway. Unfortunately, after telling the story, he was promptly fired by the panicking execs, then, getting ready to drive home, got enveloped in an explosion after turning on the ignition.
[edit] Radio Show
Jeff Rense miraculously survived and was put into witness protection. Being too enfeebled to work, Jeff Rense took on to the burgeoning medium of internet streamed radio. His show quickly soared as he offered paranormal information that folks like Art Bell where quite simply too greedy to share for free.
He covers many exciting and pertinent topics such as:
• The government conspiracy to kill humanity with excessive flatulence, via excessive promotion of vegetarianism (particularly through cabbage and beans)
• The Government conspiracy to kill humanity with boredom, via sitcoms (see network television).
• The government conspiracy to participate in conspiracy (often discussed with with frequent guest and friend Alex Jones).
• The healing powers of spinach (and the corporate cover up to ensure it’s marginalization) .
• David Icke!
• Lyndon LaRouche’s campaign to victory.
• Nazis (and their various forms)
• Sci-fi and nostalgia kitsche with Brad Steiger (co-starring the ghost of Mario Lanza).
[edit] Accusations
There have been many accusations that Jeff Rense is a leather worshiping Nazi who likes to eat oven baked circumcised bratwurst and displays shrunken heads from concentration camps on the “Oddities” section of his website (though, the truth seems to be that he suffers from a light case of Holocaust denial, and has many Jewish friends, such as Barry “Token” Chamish and wacky inventor, Simon Ben Sinister, and is also himself a committed Zionist).
There have been many complaints as well for his penchant for censoring researchers unfriendly to his possessive best-friend, Alex Jones (most of these are either wingnuts or government agents). When questioned about this Rense denied these claims, he also climed that the large bruise on his forehead was from having a fall. Jones took over from there pleading no comment.
However, most seriously, is his crime against fashion. You see, Rense sports a French wig whilst on the air (and, it is even alleged, in the shower as well). His hair is said to be made out of fiber-optic cables that allow him to use the internet while dreaming.
[edit] Preferences and Personal Life
Rense is as interesting as he looks.
His house is haunted by the ghost of Mario Lanza (this is, admitantly, hard to tell since one can hear his singing played practically all the time at the Rense house, though some have swore that there was no radio playing during some of those days).
He loves loves LOVES electronic music, indeed, one can hear a whole selection of songs on his shows and sometimes his listeners toon into his shows, even when he does'nt have anything all that interesting, just to listen to those bumpers! (But Damnit! He does not ever, I mean EVER provide playlists nor does he even give info on which albums he uses).
Rense is a committed proponent for eating meat, and is an active member of PETA. He is also a vampire and kitten huffer, and enjoys drinking animal blood (his favorite food, by the way, is liver and onions).
He loves cats and owns a spaceship which he flies around in with his best friend in the whole wide world, Brad Steiger.
