Jennifer Love Hewitt
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| Date of birth: | February 21, 1979 | |
| Birth location: | Waco, Texas, USA | |
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| Height: | 1'50" | |
| Bra size: | 36EEE | |
| Implants: | Maybe | |
Jennifer Love Hewitt is God's gift to the Earth, an actress whose "talent", about half of the world's population appreciates.
It should be noted that some have referred to her as "too skinny", but that's usually out of frustration from the knowledge that they will never get to love Love, or even put her talents to the test.
Rumors about her being a virgin are as real as Demi Moore's breasts.
[edit] TV
She started her career jumping up and down in the Disney Channel. It was a relative success, but the squares at Disney had a fit when they realised that the kids watching her show had to shave on a daily basis. Hewitt was forced to migrate to one of those we-only-hire-babes-for-our-female-cast-but-we-still-have-quality-content shows: Party of Five, which, despite what the title suggests, was actually about a family.
Following the success of her character in the show, Hewitt got greedy and thought that she should have a show of her own. FOX (who else?) cooked a spinoff for her PoF character, by having her move to New York City in search of her biological father. Both Hewitt and FOX messed up though, since they failed to consider that the show would premiere during the cold season in NYC, and so Hewitt's character was always wearing an excessive amount of clothes. Forced to get buy on her dramatic skills only, Love's TV boat sank like a rock, as the network cancelled her show before the first season was even completed. And just when she had found her daddy, of all times!
After that, Jenny had to endure a time-off from tv. She attempted a comeback with a sitcom in 2004, but the network committee that evaluated the pilot was women-only, and so she was turned down. Finally, she booked a show on FOX where her character can talk to ghosts. The US government fears that that the suicide rate among male teenagers may quadruple over the next few months. That of divorced men over 45 is expected to increase ten fold.
While on TV, Hewitt also made some of those made-for-TV stuff that we all hate. First, she played Audrey Hepburn in a biography where nothing bad ever happens, then she played a psychotic social climber who, wisely enough, wears only tank tops. The second film was relatively successful, whereas the first prompted many fans of Ms. Hepburn to burn her pictures and join a "I Hate Audrey Hepburn" cyber club on the internet.
In 2009 Hewitt will co-star (in digital form) opposite a 40-foot CGI dinosaur, in the forthcoming Steven Spielberg-produced sci-fi cop series Inspector T-Rex, playing the lead character's psychic sidekick.
[edit] Trivia
- Shortly before landing the role of the beautiful medium in The Goat Whisperer Hewitt's career was thrown into jeopardy when a neck injury suffered in a tragic blow-job accident left her temporarily unable to look wistfully over her shoulder.
[edit] Other (un)quotes
“Je-nni-Fer. They. Lied To you. When They Said You. Could n't breathe. Un-Der Wa-Ter”
~ George Petit on Jennifer Love Hewitt
“Who is that Hewit she loves so much?!”
~ Ponderous Question on JLH
“To think I kissed her there--and there--and there!”
“Jaysus...would'nt ya just ride da box off her?!”
~ Jennifer Love Hewitt on herself
“I know not many of ya'lls know this, but to get it out in the open, I used to be a male eskimo living in Greenland!!!”
~ Jennifer Love Hewitt on herself
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