Jeremy Paxman

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Jeremy Paxman photographed during his famous interview with Hitler in which he asked the Fuhrer "Where have all the Jews gone, then?" twelve times only for Hitler to avoid giving a straight answer.


Jeremy "Come on - I need an Answer!" Paxman, a former host of the Spanish Inquisition and the BBC Party (aka the Nazi party) was sacked from his job presenting the Spanish Inquisition show after he introduced the red-hot-poker and extreme sarcasm rounds, which were judged by the producers as 'not suitable for a family audience'.

Finding himself with a lot time on his hands, Paxman turned his thoughts to spiritual matters, moved to the middle east, and gathered together a loyal and fanatical band of followers who became known as the Paxmanites. Conscious of the tax liabilities of having a movement named after him, and the fact that Paxmanite was too easy to say, he changed the name of the movement to the Zoroastrians.

Paxman has the lowest threshold of patience known to man. Instead of venting his frustration in a violent and dangerous manner however, he is much more likely to tut and roll his eyes.

His real name is Jeremy Pacman. He became a hardline British Television presenter, and is known to eat hosts who disagree with him. The game Pacman was inspired by Jeremy.

Paxman is perhaps best known for inventing sage-and-onion stuffing.

In 2005, after an interview that can only be described as crackling with sexual tension, George Galloway and Pacman began dating. They now live together in Russia with their two cats, whom George enjoys impersonating when given the opportunity.

Jeremy Paxman enjoys morris dancing and loves Scottish Country Dancing, especially doing the Gay Gordons with his friend Gorgeous George.

In August 2008, Paxman came underfire from the residents of Stratford under Lyme when he described the work of poet William Shakespeare as "sentimental doggerel" and "nae a patch on Rabbie Burns" in the introduction of a new edition of the Stratford Poets Dictionary.

Jeremy's nicknames include, "Arsehole", "Edward Long Shanks", "English W*nker" & most commonly "Gobshite".

He has recently declared a lifelong admiraion for the people of Ireland and has announced his intention to run in the upcoming European Parliamentary elections in the Laois/Offaly constituency in 2009.

Interview[edit]

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jeremy Paxman.

Pac Man: Did you threaten to try and eat me?

Ghost: We were simply trying to come to terms with the raging Umlaut Monster in our bellies telling us it was time to eat.

Pac Man: Yes, but did you threaten to try and eat me?

Ghost: In order to answer that question, we must go back to the creation of the universe and...

Pac Man: No, I ASKED YOU!!!!! whether you threatened to eat me.

Ghost: You did?

Pac Man: I'm asking the questions! Now did you threaten to eat me?

Ghost: I merely pointed out that what with the hunger raging inside of us, we need to find a suitable prey to try and gobble up.

Pac Man: You're not answering the question. Did you threaten to eat me?

Ghost: You're missing the point. In order to sustain a harmonic society between Pac Man and Ghost, you must eat those yellow balls that turn us into blue things that you can eat, bearing in mind we only stay blue for a limited time.

Pac Man: But did you threaten to eat me?

Ghost: YES!!!! CHOMP!!!!

Rare Disease[edit]

Jeremy Paxman suffers from a rare disease called Syndrome Syndrome whereby if he doesn't get an answer, he dies, or worse, becomes cured.

See also[edit]