Jerry Springer

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jerry Springer.

Jerry Springer was born on the 6th of July 1944. His childhood was beautiful and golden, between racing toy cars and playing with his pet golden retriever. In high school, he was on the track team and in the Robotics club.

In college, however, he met the man who would change his life: a transsexual paraplegic black autistic midget named Stan, who impregnated everyone including himself at a family reunion in Mactier, Ontario. At first, Jerry was horrified, but eventually grew to tolerate and even venerate Stan's actions. It wasn't until Stan nearly OD'd on cocaine that Jerry realized it was time to help his good friend. But how? How to help him out of the hole without ruining the individuality and passion that made him who he was?

Military Service[edit]

A widely misunderstood and little known fact about Jerry Springer is that he served in the German, Danish, Canadian, American, Mexican and Rainbow Coalition Armies all simultaneously, between 1977 to 1990. He is an expert marksman with ranged weapons, and prefers the sling shot. It is said that he had a contest with Young Link outside Hyrule Castle, and beat him so badly that what little masculinity Link had managed to accumulate was diminished. Jerry Springer is rumored to have 45 STR and 45 DEX, making him capable of withstanding all melee-based attacks. He hides this secret with the clever, but unnecessary, use of body guards on his television show. At times Mr. Spriner likes to shoot his gun while parading around in pink pampers. He is very fond of wearing his sissy attire and looks for his Gay midget nanny to change his pampis

The Jerry Springer Show[edit]

Jerry is known for his use of silly eyes and trout impressions.

It was from humble beginnings then, that the first cable show for white trash grew. It later evolved, including Munkey man fetishists, homosexuals, midgets, incest, and more, involving any or all of the former. Some memorable show topics include:

List of Jerry Springer Episodes and how long his genitales are...[edit]

  • Lesbian love trio caught in act
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business while he is chained to a tree naked and screaming
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business while he is chained to a tree naked and screaming for a fish taco topped with AIDS and soylent green while wearing diapers.
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business while he is chained to a tree naked and screaming for a taco topped with soylent green while wearing diapers filled with wasabi grown by midget Franz Ferdinand lookalike.
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business while he is chained to a tree naked and screaming for a taco topped with soylent green while wearing diapers filled with wasabi grown by midget Franz Ferdinand lookalike while listening to Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand.
  • Lesbian love trio caught in act using hot dog salesman as waiter for their catering business while he is chained to a tree naked and screaming for a taco topped with soylent green while wearing diapers filled with wasabi grown by midget Franz Ferdinand lookalike while listening to Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand in the middle of Central Park in New York.
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Woman" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Horse" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Broom" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Lesbian" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Used Car Salesman" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Stack Of 2X4s" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually Jerry Seinfeld" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Lamp" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Choo Choo Train" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Hallucination" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Black Man" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But I Actually Just Needed Glasses" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A House" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Couch" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Transvestite" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A U.F.O." Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Qualified Neuro-Surgeon" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Prostitute" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man, And He Was, Phew" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Police Officer" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Ryan Seacrest" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Man" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually My Reflection" Episode
  • The "I Thought My Husband Was A Man But Was Actually A Foreign Tourist I Had Kidnapped" Episode
  • June 2001 "The difference between Texas and Illinois, Red vs. Blue", starring local Austin area native

Ryan A. Ennis. of Round Rock, TX when he came to visit Chicago for a week, also to attend a Jerry Springer taping. Mr. Ennis got booed off the set of Jerry Springer after starting a feud with democrats saying why Texas is better and why people should move there. He also said "Illinois sucks" provoking even the guests of the show, despite many of the guests being from outside of Illinois. Mr. Ennis assaulted an audience member who wanted to fight him, and said "Boy, this is how it's done in Texas". He bruised the guy's ribs after doing a roundhouse karate kick he learned from watching Chuck Norris. He then got arrested by Chicago Police and bonded out the next day and is now banned from entering the state of Illinois. By the way, his great grandfather Albert Ennis founded the town of Ennis, Texas.

Springer continued to host this trash on television, until the day one of his guests beat him to death with his own microphone. (See:Ving Rhames)

Rumours[edit]

The Pink Panther and her boyfriend, a Black chihuahua, but that was before her other (white Aryan (neo-Nazi) boyfriend came by to neuter him.
  • It is rumoured that the Audience of the show is found by throwing a big net over a Primark store.
  • It is rumoured that the Pink Panther made a debut appearence before violantly vomitting on Jerry and violating him in every way imaginable. This episode was obviously banned but due to some hardcore Jerry Springer fans (fat jehova witnesses) this episode was brought out on a limited time offer on his latest dvd (fat people in their natural habitat).
  • It is rumoured that Steve Wilkos left the show after failing to assasinate Jerry Springer. 15 years planning had gone down the drain when Steve missed with his flak gun and plasma rifle, both weapons obtained from an anonymous source (Hermit the Frog). They both were in on the deal, but Jerry wasn't far behind. Using his limited powers granted to him by the devil, Jerry held of Steve and Hermit for 3 days and 5 nights, after which they came to an agreement over tea and biscuits. The agreement was that Steve should leave and make his own show with Hermit, which he eventually did. To this day, Steve and Hermit are 'murking' Jerry on all levels including maturity of audiance, how they solve problems and obviously Steves awesome hairstyle.
  • In the summer of 1949, Jerry springer and Satanic God Oprah Winfrey allegedly had sex and conceived what is now known to be Dr. Phil.

Facts[edit]

Rednecks are the main audience of his show, White Trash watch it on TVs through satellites, and the Blue Klan are blue-skinned supremacists of Sesame Street "Fuzzy and Blue, and we're proud to kill the Birds" are the, most, watched, episode, ever. Jerry springer used to be the Mayor of Cincinatti.