Jesus Dioxide
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Jesus Dioxide is a compound that is formed when an atom of Jesus reacts with two atoms of Oxygen.
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[edit] Chemical and atomic properties of Jesus Dioxide
Liquifies at: -272°C Solidifies at: An infinitessimally small amount above 0 Kelvin. That's right. You have to be that cool to make it stop.
Jesus is bound to oxygen with an ionic bond, becuase Oxygen just isn't cool enough to share a covalent bond with Jesus.
Jesus Dioxide repels all other molecules because it is just too awesome for them. It also breaks the laws of chemistry. One mole of Jesus Dioxide is 7000000000000x10^24 molecules of Jesus Dioxide, because Jesus Dioxide refuses to be squeezed into the same amount of space that other molecules and atoms will happily occupy.
Jesus Dioxide radiates awesome holy energy. The half life of Jesus Dioxide is 33 years.
[edit] Uses of Jesus Dioxide
- Jesus Dioxide is the active ingredient in sparkling holy water.
- Jesus Dioxide reacts with poisonous Satanium to form the safer compound Jesus Satandioxide. Without this naturally occuring reaction we would all die from fatal levels of Satanium.
- Jesus Dioxide is the catalyst used in the manufacture of bibles, crucifixes and uncomfortable wooden pews.
- Jesus Dioxide is a potent truth serum.
- Jesus Dioxide can be further oxidised to produce heavy Jesus. This is vital for the manufacture of holy hand grenades.
- Jesus Dioxide catalyses water into wine.
- Jesus Dioxide can spontaneously create food enough for all around the compound.
[edit] Dangers of Jesus Dioxide
Anecdotal evidence and old folklore suggests that Jesus Dioxide is a potent remedy against colds, flu, hayfever, emphysema, cancer, libra, and the dreaded lurgy. Some lore even states that Jesus Dioxide is non-drowsy and can be given to children under the age of twelve. DO NOT BE FOOLED. Jesus Dioxide is in fact highly toxic in large doses. Here follows a list of dangers that Jesus Dioxide is responsible for.
- Excessive Churchgoing.
- The ability to summon thunderbolts.
- The loss of hair and/or sexual virility.
- Godzilla or Mothra
- Advanced Calculus
- Wheelchair of the legs
- Immaculate Conception
If you see Jesus Dioxide, do not approach it. Do not allow your children to play with Jesus Dioxide, as it may blind them. Consult a doctor if you believe you have accidentally inhaled Jesus Dioxide. Do not operate machinery or drive if you have been around Jesus Dioxide. If exposed to Jesus Dioxide, contact your local Faith Control Center.
Never mix Jesus Dioxide with alcohol, It causes a super potent form of alcohol poisoning, Not before causing Numbers 1,3 and 7 of the list of dangers above.
[edit] The effects of Jesus Dioxide on the environment
Jesus Dioxide has existed in trace amounts in the atmosphere since the beginning of the earth. However, since modern times, the burning of holy relics for energy has lead to a dramatic increase. Research shows that Jesus Dioxide acts like Carbon Dioxide in reverse, allowing heat out but not allowing it in to the atmosphere. It is postulated that a build up of Jesus Dioxide in the atmosphere could trigger the next Ice Age. However, scientists expect this will take millions of years, despite the fact that ocean currents are changing just like in that popular movie.
It is possible that Jesus Dioxide may be the cause of acid rain, and not that nice Sulphur Dioxide boy after all.
