Jesus Of Suburbia
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The Jesus Of Suburbia is an obese, drugged out suburban New Yorker who can't really do anything, partly due to his enormous girth, and partly due to years of inaction causing his bedsores to fuse with his ever-present leather sofa. He has several chins and rarely shaves, making his appearance somewhat like Saddam Hussein, only much larger and without the tan or the hot six pack.
A theory on how he got to this earth is a mystery, but some people (Mainly his followers and local stoners) think that he fell from the sky in the year 1337 trying to save the people of Cleveland, Ohio. There wasn't any city there in that year however, just a couple of Indian tribes. The time miscalculation led him into a torpid state, where he would awaken every 10 years to feed.
In the sixties, the drug revolution took him by storm and he slowly became one of Clevelands' biggest through sitting around stoned. He now resides nowhere in particular.
He did have a son, St. Jimmy, but he killed himself due to a fictional Green Day song. St. Jimmy's IQ was reported to have been the lowest ever not tested; it was estimated to be negative 1337. Emo assholes all over the world cut themselves the day that he blew his brains out into the bay.
| Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch! | |
| Bad Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Latios: The False Messiah and proclaimed friend of Jesus. | All Jesii wrapped into no-one: Atheist Jesus |
| Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. | The Holiest of Holy Boy Bands:Premium Jesus |
| Et Jesus: 32-bit Protected Trinity | Disco Jesus' favorite band: The Bee-Jesus |
| Piss Christ: Ewww! | You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus |
| Djesus: French Jesus | Irelands Most Popular Jesus: Bjesus |
| Evil Jesus: Careful of this Jesus | "Promoting God's chain of Churches: "McJesus |
| lol, Jesus: I don't get it either. | The real reason Christ was crucified: Jesus of Jerusalem |
| Morbus Jesus: The itchiest of the lot | And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus |
