Jew juice
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Fancy a tropical tang to liven up a cold work's day? How about bringing a little burst of sunshine into the otherwise-meaningless drudgery you call a life? Family passed away or kids getting a little on the skinny side? Maybe you're just stuck in a rut waiting for the final solution to all your problems that nice man with the moustache promised you the other week. But it doesn't matter, my friend, it doesn't matter.
Why does it not matter, you ask, raising your tear-stained beard from the floor? Surely these trials and tribulations are too depressing for you to merely carry on... alone!
Fear not, my friend, fear not. Whenever your life is hard, Jew Juice will show you the way.
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[edit] What Is Jew Juice?
Why, my friend, however can you ask such a question? Jew Juice, or Jewce as it is commonly known, is made from only the best, most natural ingredients, obtained through a secret method that separates the highest-quality material out from the rest. Remember last time you cried? That was a valid contribution to our bottling plant. Last time you sweated? Congratulations, you made another valuable donation to our financial enterprises. In some of our most high-tech processing plants, we even use shower chambers to get the most liquid out of our willing helpers. Honestly, my dear friend, however can you argue with such a modern business?
[edit] Which Flavours Do You Produce?
Now there, my friend, you're in luck! Our enterprises produce a variety of delicious flavours, all under a wide range of catchy and appealing names.
[edit] Apple and Blackcurrent Auschwitz-Birkenau
Looking for a sweet, healthy flavour to kick some energy and life back into your day? Apple and Blackcurrent Auschwitz-Birkenau is just the drink for you. Guaranteed to contain at least two of your five daily portions of fruit, this drink packs a powerful punch and will energise even the laziest mid-morning slacker.
[edit] Berry Belzec
Going for a more fruity tang? Berry Belzec's subtle notes of wild flavours combine to make this a trip your tastebuds will never forget.
[edit] Cherry Chelmno
[edit] Strawberry Sobibór
Soft and playful, Strawberry Sobibór dances delightfully across the mouth, exciting areas of the tongue you never even knew existed. Prepare to have your ideas of what strawberry tastes like obliterated as we bring your understanding of flavour to a whole new level.
[edit] Tropical Treblinka
For the fun-lover in you, Tropical Treblinka combines subtle notes of grapefruit and banana with a strong pineapple tang, taking your mouth on a whirlwind tour of the Caribbean. Pack your sunshades as we take you far, far away into a sunny world where scantily-clad women cater to your every whim.
[edit] Which Other Products Do You Produce?
Exhausted our line of drinks? Forced more Berry Belzec down your throat than it can handle? Never fear. Now you can slake your hunger with a bite of our Kristallnacht Krunch or Bogdanovka Battenberg, or, if you're feeling extravagant, fight off your impending sugar crash with a few Majdanek Munchies.
No matter how you're feeling, you can't go wrong with Jew Juice!
