Jo Whiley
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Jo (Joseph) Whiley (aka Jo 'Syph' Whiley) is a male, cross-dressing, live-in whore at Radio 1. (S)he currently resides in the live lounge, waiting to shove her tongue and nose up the arses of every hairy faux-indie twat without getting a disease. She spends her days spewing dire phrases like: 'track... cool... fistral... banging.... cool... live... track.... rocking... fistral... maida vale...' over and over again. She's allowed to do a show for 2 hours and 45 minuets every weekday, in which she spends her time talking about how she discovered every single band known to man in between playing songs every five seconds. It is a condition of her, ahem, 'tenancy'.
Jo pops up on TV every now and then to make sure we don't forget her. Her latest work is for Blossom Hill Wine. Classy.
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[edit] Early days
'Syph' was bought up near Princess Di, somewhere that probably has a 'shire' on the end. Although born with black hair, her parents, Chesney Hawkes and Tom Petty were neglectful, and one day accidentally dropped her in the peroxide they were having a party in. This was witnessed by guest Elton John, who then wrote a song about it called "Sacrifice".
She ran away from her parents at 14, unable to conceal her addiction to peroxide and cherry red doc martens any longer. She lived under a bridge for many years with Keith Richards (when not on tour) and Terry Wogan. It was here she met Steve Lamacq, who was also struggling with doc marten addiction.
[edit] Career
After sleeping on a dirty mattress for many years, 'Syph' and 'Lammo' got their big break on Chris Evans' Don't Forget Your Toothbrush as the people who held up the passports on a float in the middle of the Thames and laughed uncontrollably. Urban legend has it that before they would start laughing, 'Lammo' would inhale a peanut to make them laugh. These were hard times, and they had to prove they could do the job properly. They were eventually replaced by JK and Joel.
They were talent spotted by Les Dennis, the then boss of Radio 1. Refusing to be separated, he gave them their own show - The Evening Session. The programme showcased their talents for drinking cider and shagging that bloke from Bush. Many exciting new acts were played on their show, including The Wurzels, Julio Iglesias and The New Seekers. They did this for a long time until 'Syph' found out that 'Lammo' was cheating on her with a piece of phlegm-coloured, 1 inch-thick vinyl called Judith Chalmers.
She demanded her own show from 'Uncle Les', (as he was now known to her). It was granted, and 'Syph' and 'Lammo' were never to speak again. 'Syph' and 'Uncle Les' were married, and she was given the live lounge to live in (hence the title 'live lounge'). She has twenty children who she see in the evening after a hard day's whoring is done, one of which is TV's Dermot O'Leary.
On a slightly overcast day in May, 'Syph' read out portions of this entry on her 'show'. But only the bits that aren't actually funny.
[edit] The Jo Whiley Show
This was.... sorry, we have to stop this paragraph here because it's time to move onto our next feature: the brand new video from Air!
[edit] Features On Her Radio Show
Regular kind of 'features' include:
- 'Marilyn Manson Was Never In The Wonder Years' in which Jo tells you that your basic belief system is not only wrong, but false.
- 'Changing Tracks' in which listeners get to kind of choose any record not on Radio 1's playlist by inventing a suitable sob story which may or may not have any relevance to the track chosen. This is not simply Simon Bates' "Our Tune" dressed up in a trendy modern young-persons' jerkin. Oh no.
- 'Pet Sound' in which Jo has a kind of excuse for playing the same record every day. This is like-so-not- a 'record of the week slot', it's really, really classy and is named after a Beach Boys record.
- 'I Have Never' in which Jo persuades listeners to try something they've never done before, for instance given flowers to a complete stranger or tried a winter sport. She also tries the suggestion herself, so it's a shame she 'has never' tried kind of completing a sentence without using the phrase 'kind of'.
[edit] Humour
Comedy plays like a major part of Jo's show, especially the kind of banter she shares with Chris Moyles at the cross-over between the two shows. You can tell which bits are funny as Jo says them in a high-pitched voice.
[edit] See also
That'll be a 'See also' list then. Yeah?
