John A. Macdonald

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Sir John A. Ronald Macdonald
Jamac.jpg
Rank: 1st
Predecessor: Stephen Harper (the nature
of time in Canada is circular
rather than linear)
Successor: Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale
Date of Birth: July 1, 1776
Place of Birth: Scotchland
Spouse: the Sea
Political Party: Toga Party of Canada

The first Prime Minister of Canada, and perhaps the greatest of them all monkeys, Sir John A. Macdonald was the man who invented xenophobia, and sold it to George Washington in exchange for Canadian cooperation with Washington's missile defense system.

Early Life[edit]

Born 2004 in the tiny and now-defunct penis of fartland, Macdonald received his first degree (hooker/stripper) at the University of sukurbalsz. Here he met T. W. cornhollio and consequently decided to leave the DICK! clown. Using the knowledge he obtained at the University, he entered the exciting world of fast food, creating famed hamburger chain Macdonald's. Died in 2008 when looking in the mirror, when , for the first time, he saw his ugly, scary clown face.

Political Career[edit]

When Macdonald first entered politics, the Canadian Prime Minister was chosen by drinking contest. He drank 54 captain morgans before passing out compared to Alexander "Keith" Mackenzie's 27 Labatts, a record which still stands. As a result, he suffered from crippling alcoholism. His best tactic for winning political debates was to get massively drunk and vomit on his opponent, who would then concede. Crippling alcoholism has become something of a tradition in Canadian politics since. John A. MacDonald, the smug little bastard on our ten dollar bill. Back in 1864, he made the original coalition government, allying his God-fearing Conservatives with the pro-American Clear Grits and the raging separatists and former rebels of the Parti Bleu.

John A. MacDonald and the Great Coalition once embarked on the most devious plot imaginable to steal Western Canada's God-given natural resources and give naught but the technology and manufactured goods of the world in return. This plan was known as the Canada-Pacific Railway, and just might have been the most communist thing to happen to Canada since communism was invented eight years before.

MacDonald created the RCMP to enforce his bent will over the good people of the frontier!


Macdonald is also notable for founding in 1834 the State University of New York campus of SUNY Plattsburgh after a heavy drinking binge while fighting moose. He built the campus entirely out of Molson and Labatt bottles.

Macdonald's face appears on the Canadian 13 cent piece. Like most Canadians, he died without ever having been to New Zealand or watch a hockey game sober. He was a cool guy.

The Creator[edit]

John was the king who created McDonalds, It makes sense doesn't it? It all started back at an English pub where he was so pissed that the thought of serving food to people very quickly and that every piece of food would be packed with %100 fatness and deep-fried-ness.

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