John Adams
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“Who? am i geting punk'd”
~ Random Guy on John Adams
John Adams (October 30, 1735 – July 4, 1826) was an American politician and the second President of the United States (1797–1801), after being the first Vice President (1789–1797) for two terms. He is regarded as one of the most influential Founding Fathers of the United States. Yeah well you would think he would lighten the fuck up. But he doesn’t all he does is mope around my apartment and eat my cornchips.
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[edit] Loser
John Adams was the first president to be a loser, and all seriousness aside he actually was the first president who lost an election. This might seem funny to all, but John Adams, don't ask me how, even lost the strongly Federalist New England region, what a dud.
[edit] Stamps
Ever since I’ve known John Adams, all his done is whine. Like this one time he fucking had the biggest whine over stamps. Yes you heard right STAMPS! He even went to Parliament (and I use the term parliament lightly as really it was a dis-organized council headed by an appointed governor) to bitch and moan. I mean yea he was right the stamp thing was a pain but seriously who cares? John Adams that’s who cares. He cares all the time but not in a nice way.
[edit] Lawyer
Don’t get me wrong, I like John Adams. The guy's really smart, but jeez he really needs to take a chill pill sometimes. For example he came home one day saying he’d become a lawyer. Me and the guys (who were over) were all really impressed but John Adams just moped and moaned about how he was getting underpaid and that helping the British solders escape punishment for the Boston Massacre might hurt his reputation with-in the rising nationalist communities in the colonies. All I said was Lay off dude.
[edit] Reputation
Man John Adams has it rough; nobody and I mean nobody knows who he is. Which is a shame because when me and him were at the Continental Congress, he was influential in convincing the Congress to declare independence from Britain. Everyone knows who George Washington is but they don’t know that it was John Adams who secured Washington’s nomination as commander in-chief of the Continental Army. It’s just one of the many reasons why John Adams bitches all the time and eats my cornships.
[edit] Vice President
If there was a time when John Adams moaning becomes unbearable it when he became Vice President. ‘’They never ask for my advice’’ he would say to which I would say Your country has in its wisdom contrived for you the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived. Besides everyone knew that the only reason why Adams was vice-president because political rival Alexander Hamilton was from the south
[edit] On the streets
When me and John Adams go out he’s all like I bet they don’t know who I am but never goes up and asks. Mans that’s so annoying. It annoys me so much that I go up and ask people on the street Did you know this man was the second president of the United States. It’s true that they get all excited when I say this. But its only because they were thinking of George Washington. No not him the one after Then they think its Tomas Jefferson at which point I give up.
[edit] But it gets worse
Yeah it’s even worse when someone actually knows who John Adams is. Like this one time me and John Adams were having brunch when some punk kid runs up and says "Omg are you John Adams second President of the United States" yeah this makes John Adams smile for once but it doesn’t last "Yeah John Adams who never had any real authority and was a puppet for another Federalist Alexander Hamilton who implemented his own economic plan without your consent" dam there goes my cornchips when John Adams gets home, but he goes on "Also your personal lack of popularity killed the Federalist Party in the Revolution of 1800 which gave electoral power to the south"
[edit] Son
Yeah John Adams has a son named Quincy and you know what, he's just as lame. None of us give a fuck who Andrew Jackson is but all he does is bitch. When I invite the guys over there always like "Will the Adams family be there" cos they think there both total drags.
John Adams used to be cool but knows hes totally lame, when he retired he totally left the Federalist Party without an effective leader. But me and my buddies don’t say it to his face because that would be like hiting a cripple which is totally not cool. So there is the pathetic loser now slouched on my couch watching Days of Our Lives and eating my FUCKING CORNSHIPS.
