John Cabot

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John Cabot was the famous fifteenth century son of Bristol who ran away from home and discovered North America, where he married Toni Marie Wiseman, the inventor of colour television. Disappointed with being born in Italy, he changed his name from Giovanni Ciabatta due to the prevalance of locals bearing pointy pitchforks and proto-fascist tendencies. He originally lived in a small minded village called Midsomer Pootown, close to the North Somerset metropolis of Deadstock - but moved into a pirate commune in Bristol rather than move to nearby Bath which was also full of authentic Romans and failed millennium building projects. His stupendously brave and challenging journey across an uncharted Atlantic ocean on a boat whittled from two old loaves of (pre-sliced) Mothers Pride bread, subject to the horrors of hurricanes, storms, sea serpents, starvation, disease, scurvy and crap second hand A-Z maps is now finally being recognised as the great deed that it was by the Fathers of Bristol who have decided to name a shopping centre after him.