John Denver

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John Denver is the guy who invented the sixties. His award-winning hit Leaving on a Jet Plane about a hippie going to Vietnam and giving up a career as a dentist affected the mass-consciousness just the way Devil had intended it to. Catholic priests who sporadicaly misuse little boys explain this un orthodox means for salvation by giving the example of Leaving on a Jetplane having been sung by people in a Sunday service.

Movie career[edit]

Got his big break playing an atheist, opposite God whom was playing the part of George Burns. However, no one noticed Denver's performance, as God's portrayal of George Burns won him an Oscar.

However, Denver's career in Hollywood was short-lived, as he endured a reputation for being a pussy, which came from his tryouts for Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, when George Lucas said "You're a pussy, a little pussy! Get off my stage!".

Denver's last gig was modelling for the animated vesion of "The Joy of Sex", but the artists had the final say and said to the producers that they'd prefer to draw the hairier hippie.

Spaceflight Ambitions & Mysterious Death[edit]

Since failing to secure a part in Star Wars, Denver became involved with the alien cult Heaven's Gate. Some John Denver fan actually sneaked him in to a NASA meeting to discuss a possible ride on the space shuttle to meet a UFO, whereupon Denver was laughed out of the building. In a last ditch attempt to catch a ride of the UFO comet, Denver took up building and flying his own spacecraft. Denver later died upon re-entry when his experimental spacecraft broke apart. It was figured out later by the FAA that the Elmer's glue keeping it together had melted from the heat of re-entry. And with their best hope now dead, the rest of the Heaven's Gate cult committed suicide in hopes that without bodies their souls could fly up to catch the comet.

Trivia[edit]

  • Denver,Colorado was not named after John Denver, nor was John Denver named after Denver, Colorado
  • John Denver was pwned by Oscar Wilde
  • John Denver killed all those people.
  • Trust me on this, his music sucks.